the 24 interludes of life...

yes...i keep a lot of stuff that has touched me at one time or another...and every once in a while...i like to share them...

i do not know where i got this...but..again...it is one of those things that you read...and just serves as a reminder...of what is important...

the 24 interludes of life...

1. don't go for looks, it can deceive; don't go for wealth - even that fades away. go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright.
hope you find that person...

2. there are moments in life when you really miss someone so much that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
hope you dream of that someone...

3. dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be; because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life...

4. may you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy, and enough money to buy gifts...

5. when one door of happiness closes, another opens but often we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has opened for us...

6. the best kind of friend is the one you can sit on a porch swing, never saying a word, and then walk away feeling that was the best conversation you ever had...

7. it's true we don't know what we've got until we lose it...but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives...

8. always put yourself in another's shoes...if you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt that person too...

9. a careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless...

10. the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them with our own image, otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them...

11. the happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way...

12. maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally do meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift...

13. it takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone...

14. happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried...for only they can appreciated the importance of people who have touched their lives...

15. love is when you take the feeling, the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person...

16. a sad thing about life is that sometimes you meet that someone who means a lot to you to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go...

17. love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear...

18. love comes to those who still have hope even though they've been disappointed; to those who still believe even though they have been betrayed; to those who still need love even though they have been hurt before...

19. it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel...

20. the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches...

21. never say goodbye when you still want to try; never give up when you still feel you can take it; never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go...

22. giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back...don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts; but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours...

23. there are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart...

24. when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling...live your life so when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying...

simple life...simple pleasures...

every nite before i go to sleep...i say my prayers...not on my knees on the edge of the bed as i did as a child...but lying there on my back in bed in a darkened room...and since i say them silently...i try to move my lips ever so slightly...just in case God is watching... ;o)

i have much to be thankful for...and so i try to remind myself of this every nite by thanking Him...i have an amazing family...and extended family and a big group of friends that i absolutely adore...i also always say thank you for where, when, and how i grew up...often, this last little thought will send me trailing off into the winding road of reverie and i will get altogether sidetracked piecing together parts of my childhood and my life...

my parents immigrated to the united states for the sole purpose of a better life for the children that they would one day have...and although my life was wonderful...my parents always instilled in me a sense of the world around me...how others lived...and to be thankful for everything that i have...

so here it comes...me going into another tangent... ;o) please bear with me...

despite the statistics that show america having a substantially higher standard of living than other countries...i'm not sure the numbers tell the whole story...

i have been fortunate to visit argentina where my family is from...several times...as well as many other beautiful countries in this beautiful world...and from it...i saw an america that i love that was a bit disillusioning and disappointing to me...while other countries were revealing and inspirational...

i have seen...to be blunt...that a soulless capitalism is turning us into an indistinguishable crowd of superficial materialists...our goals of endless consumption...our fascination with shallow humans and their crass endeavors...our insatiable desire to own more at cheaper prices...and our sense that materialism is the sole total of success...are false goals that are having the opposite affect on the quality of our lives than we had intended...we are so close to this dangerous and illusive mountain of shallow consumption that we cannot see that there is no way down yet nothing awaiting us at the top...

we americans - and of course, these are generalizations although i include myself without hesitation...can't seem to stop consuming...whether it is food, trends, or products...we always need more...as a result...we are fat, lazy, and depressed...places like italy, france, south america and so many others..do not have an over abundance of overweight people...they socialize in their towns by walking about and seeing one another...they don't just sit in their chairs watching entertainment tonight...

and whatever we need...from food to toys...we seem to lust for more...so costco gives us 20 pound bags of tortilla chips to eat while we are watching one of our five televisions...in other countries...the focus is on eating well rather than eating more...on interacting with their community rather than shutting themselves up in their homes...and in supporting their small locally owned stores rather than shopping in faceless, national megastores...

we are obsessed with the pitiful icons of our society who are wrapped in the self-destruction of their lives...instead of reading books, we read celebrity magazines about out-of-control, arrogant, uncaring idiots...we follow their lives and forget to examine our own...we focus on their six marriages rather than focusing on our own children, our spouses, our family and friends...

we learn from them that there is no shame in being 16 and pregnant or of dumping your spouse after one month of marriage...in general...as we look up to these celebrities...we debase ourselves...as they show us that anything and everything is okay...we lower our standards and moral and ethical codes...

for many americans...shopping and buying are their sole pursuit and source of happiness...too many of us have come to believe that "more" is always better...we have fallen into the trap of quantity over quality...this analogy follows us through our daily shopping: bigger plates of food...more pairs of shoes... (i can't believe i just wrote that!) increased number of toys for the children...and well...frankly for the adults...and yet...we must have the lowest price for each good or item...and so...our obsession with chinese-made products...cheap, poorly made but plentiful...may solve our desire to own as much as possible in the short run...but likely...will not help us find fulfillment in the long term...

in many countries...there seem to be fewer of everything...but of higher quality and greater appreciation...there are beautiful small stores with the owners on hand to help you...but nary a "big box" store do you see...people actually buy fresh vegetables, and meat, and wine for that very day rather than take away cheap huge loads of costco goods...you do not see a lot of "made in china" tags in italy, france or south america...they actually make most of their own goods! and what a joy it was to go into a shop and be able to be pleasantly helped rather than walking the concrete floors of home depot...

i am afraid we have come to define our success by the level of our consumption and possessions rather than the positive qualities of our lives...working to provide a quality and healthful lifestyle for our families in a wonderful american ethic...but to seek ever-increasing levels of materialism as a life's goal is to see a a void that can never be filled...

in my travels...i have seen a dignity in life and a quality of living that i don't see here...and a lot of that dignity and quality of life is because of a population that focuses on their families and their communities...of living with quality assuming stature over quantity...of tradition over trendiness...because of my love for this country...it gave me pause...i feel like we are on the wrong path...we need to evaluate our lifestyle and make some changes as necessary...we have all that is necessary to have a quality, meaningful life...now, we just need to do it...

so back to my prayers each nite ;-)

i say my silent prayer...hitting the imaginary delete key on all the parenthetical thoughts along the way...the filtered version of it is a big thank you for teaching me at an early age the importance of simple pleasures and knowing somewhere down deep that marveling at the wonder of it all and being grateful for all the small things will somehow, someday, make the big things better...dwelling on all the negativity that surrounds us does not lead anywhere...contrary to elementary math principles...two negatives...in real life...do not make a positive...

as someone once said...some people feel the rain: others just get wet...

being happy...

are you happy? mark twain once said that whoever was happy would make others happy as well...and if you think about that...you'll realize the wisdom of that simple sentence...and wouldn't we all prefer to spend our time with people who are happy?

unfortunately, the reverse is true as well...depressed people, the ones always finding fault with something...always finding something to complain about...always being critical...can drag you down into the marshy depths of their miserable state of miasma in a nano-second...

there are literally hundreds of books written on the state of happiness...but one can't help but notice that in today's world there are many unhappy people, maybe because there aren't enough of us spreading the contagion of happiness...i think a lot of people in my generation and older are guilty of this because we spend a lot of time reminiscing about how much happier we were in the fifties, sixties, seventies & eighties...how much nicer life seemed when it was less complicated and there was a true sense of patriotism...

i am not one who speaks much about political stuff...but since this is my blog...i will put my two cents in ;-)

today, the political division is ugly and self-serving and lends itself to a lot of grumbling...have we ever in our history seen a country so divided as in the last several years? where is our camaraderie, our sense of oneness, our americanism, if you will? the political schism grows every day as democrats and republicans spend inordinate amounts of time and energy in verbal warfare, which only serves to bring out the worst in both of them...and don't even get me started on the newspapers & news stations whose sole purpose seems to be to remind us of how wrong everything is and how much we have to be unhappy about...and see what it does?? here i am grumbling about grumbling...

yes, there are many things wrong with our country today...but, we have much to be grateful for...much to appreciate...and much to be happy about...if more of us spent time being happy about all that's right...who knows? it might even spread all the way to washington, d.c...oh the thought!

what i know for sure...is that positive energy attracts positive energy...and happiness is contagious...

thinking positively...being kind...practicing happiness...and being optimistic may seem simplistic to some...but as far as i'm concerned...if we don't start practicing it now...we may get too far down that slippery slope to ever recover the brilliant, world-leading, positive example we once established for people of hope everywhere...

some of us, the lucky ones...are genetically wired to be happier than others, but whatever your happpiness set point is...find it...remember how it feels, and strive always to recapture that singular sensation...if you need to be pro-active in order to log onto that feeling, here's a clue: making someone else happy automatically makes you happy...try testing me (and mark twain) on that...

other prescriptions: watch a sunset...revisit photos of family & friends...study a rose...hug your favorite person...hug your pet...remember something funny...walk in the woods...eat ice cream...eat chocolate...eat both at the same time...work in your garden...and, of course (as a fashionista...i need to say) shop!

so go about it...spread some happiness today...

coffee with herb @ 5pm..

it was some time in 2003 that i realized that i was doing way more driving than i wanted to for my job...putting all those miles on my car was not making me happy...but...alas...i had an expense account...and so i used a portion of that to rent a car...sometimes i rented for the week..sometimes for the whole month...there were times that i would drive 300 to 500 miles in one day...so this set-up really worked for me...

i soon became close to the owner of the local avis office..his name was zul...and he treated me like family...he always saved my favorite cars for me...the newest & the latest...he would have sweets for me...invite me over for family dinners...and always interested in my life and adventures...

one of zul's employees was a man named herb...herb was in his 70's...and we hit it off...we had this banter between the two of us...he used to always tease me that it was a good thing we weren't married to each other...because we would find ourselves bickering like we had been together forever...herb had the most incredible memory of restaurants...i could tell him any place that i was driving to that day to meet with potential clients...and he would tell me what restaurant i should eat at...we became close friends...

i stopped working at this company in 2005...but my relationship with the avis crew continued...we kept in touch...still had dinners together...still checked in...and shared in incredible moments...like when zul & his wife brought their new adopted baby girl home...it was an honor to share that moment with them...

but the closest relationship was herb & i...since 2003, herb & i have met for coffee @ 5 pm at a restaurant called il fornaio every week...always once a week...but sometimes 2 or 3 times...depending on our schedules...occasionally we would meet for breakfast or lunch...but our "time" together was 5pm coffee...sometimes herb's wife would meet us...but most times...it was our time...and everyone knew it...

a few months ago...herb purchased a home in kansas city to be closer to his children & grand children...as happy as i was for him...i knew that our coffee time would be coming to an end...
what i didn't expect...was how hard this was on herb (his wife told me that he would always talk about his conversatons with elena to everyone)

it has now been a little over a month that herb is gone...i haven't been back to il fornaio since...just isn't the same...we had our special table...the staff always kept open for us...and we talked about everything...from relationships to computers to restaurants to politics...

herb called yesterday and left a message...it was so great to hear his voice...he wanted me to know that there would never be another that could take my place for coffee @ 5pm..
whether that be true or not...it was nice to hear...

herb is happy to be with family...and it is where he should be...but there is a part of me that still...once in a while...comes across something...and i think...oh...this will be a good discussion for herb & i over coffee...

my great escape...

i have always loved to read...as a little girl...i was definately a book worm...well into my adult life...reading was considered a force in my existance...i've found its importance in my life continues to grow...i think the more troubled my world...the greater the interest i have in escaping to a place provided by my current book...it is a wonderful distraction...

for me it all begins at nite...when i am securely in my bed...all noise gone...all lights off, except the reading lamp on my night table...i take my book in hand and start my transition from my reality to that of my book...the only thing that can disturb this alluring scene is...reading material in hand...i sometimes fall to crisis when i realize that within a matter of days...anything under a week...i will finish my book...

i have been known to read a book in its entirety in one day...being involved in two separate book clubs...this has at times come in very handy...when life got in the way...and i thought i had time to read the appointed book..only to realize the nite before...i need to be able to discuss this and i haven't started...i don't go into panic mode...i just shut the world away outside...and get comfy...and start reading...

i have a friend who panics when they see that the gas gauge shows less than a quarter tank...until they see that arrow point to full...they drive in a semi-panic mode...i guess in a way...that is how i feel when i see that my book is in the last quarter...and that i have no follow-up material lined up...i begin the panic of knowing that i need (i should say MUST) find my next literary pursuit...

as the nites count down...my level of panic and trepidation increase accordingly...the great calamity would be to finish the current book before the next one is acquired...although i have not been there...it must be a bit like being addicted to, say, heroin, and not knowing where your next fix will come from..

again in the analogy of the drug user...just like the heroin addict is not interested in marijuana or LSD, i can't just pick up any book...no, i am, well, addicted to pretty much a few genres...i must search my trusted sources for one more title that will suffice me for a couple of weeks, more like one week...and then the process repeats itself...

for the unacquainted, my love of reading started at a very young age...i found that i loved its adventure, the traveling to new frontiers, the danger and excitement of the journey, and the reality of it all...every once in a while...throw in some romance...these stories grab my imagination and pull my mind from the problems of the day...

reading takes you to places you may have never ventured to see...i want to be immersed in the reality of someone else's reality...i want to go on the journey with them...whether they are sailing around the world single-handedly or rebuilding a stone home in tuscany...i want to experience their highs and lows...their enjoyments and discomforts....their path from beginning to end...i want to dream with them...

some books, of course...simply are good and readable but do not seize my mind...i am not afraid to quit reading a book...this is essential if you want to love reading...there's nothing worse than plodding along in a book you are not enjoying...for heaven's sake...put it down and get another...when you are able to do this...you know you have matured as a reader...

so, anyway...once i get down to that last quarter-tank (in a book...that is) i know i must begin the process of finding new fuel...i may start at borders, followed by barnes & noble, followed by amazon...sometimes i will hunt through the local library...and sometimes...books are recommended by friends...the book club book's are assigned...because of book club...i can say i have read books i would normally never have picked up...but i did...and enjoyed them...and expanded my list of genre & authors...

reading...my great escape...it will take you away to places most of us can only dream about...and it will allow you to forget about the troubles...big and small...that consume your life...

fashion magazine anonymous...

okay, i'll admit it...i'm a fashion magazine junkie...if there were such a thing as fashion magazines anonymous...i think my family and friends would have an intervention and sign me up...i could probably live through it, but my mailbox would be embarrassingly empty...really, i do probably need someone to save me from myself...but the truth is...i don't really want to be saved...

this way...every day...my mailbox is full and i think...wow! how do all these people know about me? there must be a fashion magazine union somewhere...so if you are on one list...all the others find out...and make sure you're on their list as well...but i don't really mind...there's a certain smugness that comes with having the most popular mailbox in the building...

now of course...i have had several conversations with my mailman...thank goodness he likes me...otherwise...why would he feel compelled to carry all those magazines to my mailbox? especially the big issues...like vogue having an 800 page spread...i keep telling him i am thinking of him...working his arms out...after all...i'm a giver...

the truth is...i'm a shopper...i want to know what is out there...it helps of course...that it is an integral part of my job to know...but it goes far deeper than that...i seem to carry around some heavy, inexplicable burden that i need to go into a store, look around, feel the merchandise, perhaps even try it on...lately though...i haven't been buying...and that is HUGE for me...

if i go into a store and take up somebody's time, i feel i need to buy something...otherwise..i can almost feel not only embarrassed and intrusive...but a terrible sense of guilt comes over me...there's probably a medical term for this phobia...but i don't even want to know what it is...so...lately...i have avoided going into stores...especially the small ones...like jewelry stores...well, geez...i'd like to see what's new that i can't afford or just admire the workmanship and beauty of all those little sparkly things...but with all those eyes on you...to say nothing of the cameras and the overly solicitous salespeople, plus the hopeful glances of the owners, the angst is just too much for me to handle...

the same is true for those darling little boutiques...you know...the ones where you might actually find something you just have to have...but the risk of not finding something looms large in my mind and i just can't take the chance of having to walk out empty-handed and dealing with the looks of unfulfilled expectations of all those who were trying to be so helpful...for some inexplicable reason, i actually feel responsible for their mental health...what's wrong with me? i don't even know these people and yet feel some obligation to pay my way for the look-see...so to speak...to make their day a little brighter...but you can see how a girl could easily go broke that way...

huge department stores (the call of the mall), on the other hand, are a little easier on the psyche...i think they must be used to browsers and have learned to just ignore them altogether...how else can you explain the fact that when and if you finally do find something you want or need...there's nobody around to check you out...i feel mentally safe there...but then i have to deal with the frustration of time wasted trying to find someone to wait on me...it's an enigma...and it tires me out just to think about it...

and so i defer to my fashion magazines...no one is looking back at me...at any given time, there are probably thousands of people reading the same magazine at the exact same time...so the pressure is really off of me to keep them in business...i can lovingly and slowly page through them or flip through them quickly...or not at all (which hasn't happened yet...but i'm aware that i have that option) and then put them straight into the recycling bin...or pass them on to a friend...

so, go ahead fashion magazine people...keep sending your beautiful issues to me...i'll use you to fill in the occasional blank space on my "need to buy" list...and i do enjoy looking at your pretty pictures...i can handle it...

so thank you, dear reader, for this little therapy session...it's good to talk it out...for some reason it's been very redemptive...and i'll feel better now about handling my shopaphobia stateside using just my fashion magazines and that wonderful little creation called the window display...

naughty versus nice...

in the midst of a conversation yesterday...got to talking about naughty versus nice...believe me...my moments of naughty are nothing to write home about...because all in all...i am pretty much a "nice" girl...but i like to think i could be a little naughty ;o)

as i contemplate naughty versus nice, some experiences come to mind...for someone who lives and breathes nice, i look back at some moments in past years and wish i had invoked my inner bad girl at times...there is always that instant when my upbringing keeps me from saying what i am really thinking...my mother taught us to be polite and respectful...but what do you do if you have been confronted with an insult or a derisive comment? for example...a frenemy once said to me, "wow...you are sure not afraid to wear color...i would too if i was craving attention" or i like this one..."oh, i love that necklace...it is so much prettier than the jewelry you normally wear." in my nice-girl head, i was thinking, wow, so that's what you call a mean compliment...but what if naughty girl were to respond? what would naughty girl say?

i was so conditioned to be nice...i can't even think of a response to write here...months after that comment...and here is my point...why is naughty naughty? isn't it just empowerment of a sort? if naughty means mildly rude, well, that's not really for me...i don't want to be rude or mean...but if by another definition it means busting someone on bad behavior, i'm all for that...being in the moment and allowing yourself a second to consider the best, most truthful response is my kind of naughty...

a while ago, someone who had asked about my work & what i do...dismissed my work with a casual "so when are you going to get a job?" after i had told her about my busy week with the spring trunk show! nice girl listened to what this person's ideas of a "real" job were...nodded her head...and knew she was on her way to getting a migraine...naughty girl may have been able to stand up and communicate clearly that she had a "real" job...and that there were clients that depended on her...and that this response was insulting and unacceptable...i can hear the crackle of naughty girl's whip as she snaps this person to attention with her imaginary directness...(nice is so ingrained in me that just writing that sentence made me nervous...snap, crackle, and whips...if only there were a breakfast cereal for empowerment)

what i know for sure...is that nice isn't wrong...nice is good. it's...nice. i respond to nice...i wish more people were nice...if naughty equals bad behavior, i prefer nice...i am always voting for nice...the issue is that some people are not nice the way i expect or hope for them to be...there is truth to that expression "no good deed goes unpunished." and sometimes that good deed can come back to bite you in the butt...

because nice girls have a hard time saying no...they sometimes find themselves doing things they don't want to be doing...i can't tell you what these things are because then the people i did the nice things for would know that i didn't really want to be doing them but did them...to be nice ;-)
and even though i may not have wanted to do it...i do feel better when all is said and done...i just wish i could do everything that was asked of me without some other things suffering because of it...like my sanity...

so now to my favorite subject...what would our naughty and nice girls wear? even though i write girls, they are women...girl just sounds better when matched with naughty and nice...naughty women? not so much fun...nice women? boorrriiinnggg...zzzz.

naughty girl gets to wear some fun clothes...last few seasons showed a lot of black, a lot of sheer, a lot of tight, and a lot of low..there is no way you could put on anything from the above list and not feel just a little bit naughty...nice girl gets to wear all the soft colors, ruffles and prints and always looks comfortable...nothing too tight because those rosy cheeks on nice girl are a result of pleasantness, not a corseted waist...blouses with bows, dresses with buttons, pastel colors, and a cozy sweater are all worn by nice girl...i like that look...sometimes i wear that look...but i tend to like naughty clothes more than nice...i always have...maybe my inner naughty has been expressing herself through my wardrobe and shoes...i mean...even my workout clothes are black...

change is always good...if a change is going to be made...now is the best time to start thinking about it...not later...take the time to reflect on the year passed (doesn't always have to be in december) we can make our own mental movie of the year-end inventory...editing the best and the worst of the prior year...now is the time to observe the montage of what we have learned...and cutting anything that isn't working for us anymore...

i think i am going to give naughty a try...after all...maybe there's a little naughty in each of us that needs to be explored...maybe nice can be on one shoulder, halo and all, while naughty stands on the other...whip poised for action and ready to snap...

look out folks...naughty has arrived...