1 corinthians 13
if i speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, i am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. if i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if i have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing. if i give all i possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, i gain nothing.
love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
love never fails. but where there are prophecies, they they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. for we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. when i was a child, i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i reasoned like a child. when i became a man, i put childish ways behind me. now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known.
now that is incredible love...
a lot of the time we don't realize what we have until it is gone...some people are able to walk away from something they care about because of their pride and other stifling qualities...love is in everyone's lives, whether it is family, a significant other, friends, or even pets...i find people get so wrapped up in so many materialistic and wordly things, that they lose track of what they love, what is truly important...
i believe that as long as you have some type of love in your life, and it can stay strong, you can always make a bad day better...i would trade all of my material possessions to have a life of strong love with my family, friends, and maybe...even..."the one"...
the thing is...we are not guaranteed tomorrow...and sometimes...well...life gets in the way...work gets in the way..."stuff" gets in the way...and we think that we will tell that person what we want to say at a later time...but that later time...may not come...
every person that has ever meant something to me has been told...and let me tell you...some of it was not reciprocated...and that hurt...i will admit...but better than that...i like the fact that i shared my feelings...my love...dispite that...because in the end...i want everyone who mattered to me...to know that...not to assume it...not to hear about it from someone else...but hear it from me...
so i challenge you today...show someone how much you love them...whether it is someone in your life you have taken for granted, someone who could use a little extra boost and knows that you are there for him/her, or someone you want to do something extra special for...and don't do something easy...take a decent amount of time (just saying i love you or texting it does not count) and do something to show it...actions speak louder than words, and if people followed this lesson...maybe more people would have better days...
don't wait till it is too late...when that person is gone...and you are left with "i wish i had said"
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
what is left?
times are tough...people everywhere are losing their jobs, their homes and their hope...if it has happened to you...you know how devastating loss can be...you know what it feels like to be at the mercy of a job interviewer, or enslaved to a credit lender...it can leave us feeling less than...
most of us seek identity in our jobs, dreams, talents, or peers...the people we love, the things we own, and the job we do often identify who we are...when we lose those things, we feel as though we have lost our identity...after that...what else is left?
one of my favorite bible stories as a little girl was that of daniel...when king nebuchadnezzar of babylon came to jerusalem and besieged it...the king ordered for some royal israelites to be taken into captivity...the order specified those who were attractive, smart, healthy, and who would make good servants to the king...daniel was among them...they were also told what to eat and drink...
i imagine most of the captives were distraught by all they had lost...they had been taken from their home, their land, and their people...but daniel and his friends responded differently than most...they chose not to look at what they had lost but rather what they still had left...
daniel had incredible faith...trusting God to work on his behalf...daniel asked that he not have to defile himself by eating the king's food...despite the official's hesitation, he granted daniel's request due to God's favor...
as children of God, we do not have to lose heart or settle to the world's ways either...no matter what kind of situation we are placed in, God can make the impossible possible...the Lord also gave knowledge and understanding to daniel along with his three friends...this caught the king's attention...no one else in the kingdom could compare to these four...so, they entered into the king's service without violating their faith and remained there until a new king took the throne...
unfortunately, everyone experiences times of loss...a job, a friendship, a dream...even so, our worth and identity are not found in these things...nor is it found in our failures or losses...your value and mine is in God and the amount of faith we have in Him...
when we find ourselves in our own babylons...let's not look at what we've lost but at what we have left...our faith! it may be shaken but it can't be taken...faith...just like daniel's...provides hope in a God who is large and in charge over every authority...that...to me...is no loss...that is great gain...
i realize my focus has been on my circumstances lately...a lot more than on the God i serve...today, i choose to put my trust in God...i know that He is aware of my situation and is working on my behalf...
nothing better than that!
most of us seek identity in our jobs, dreams, talents, or peers...the people we love, the things we own, and the job we do often identify who we are...when we lose those things, we feel as though we have lost our identity...after that...what else is left?
one of my favorite bible stories as a little girl was that of daniel...when king nebuchadnezzar of babylon came to jerusalem and besieged it...the king ordered for some royal israelites to be taken into captivity...the order specified those who were attractive, smart, healthy, and who would make good servants to the king...daniel was among them...they were also told what to eat and drink...
i imagine most of the captives were distraught by all they had lost...they had been taken from their home, their land, and their people...but daniel and his friends responded differently than most...they chose not to look at what they had lost but rather what they still had left...
daniel had incredible faith...trusting God to work on his behalf...daniel asked that he not have to defile himself by eating the king's food...despite the official's hesitation, he granted daniel's request due to God's favor...
as children of God, we do not have to lose heart or settle to the world's ways either...no matter what kind of situation we are placed in, God can make the impossible possible...the Lord also gave knowledge and understanding to daniel along with his three friends...this caught the king's attention...no one else in the kingdom could compare to these four...so, they entered into the king's service without violating their faith and remained there until a new king took the throne...
unfortunately, everyone experiences times of loss...a job, a friendship, a dream...even so, our worth and identity are not found in these things...nor is it found in our failures or losses...your value and mine is in God and the amount of faith we have in Him...
when we find ourselves in our own babylons...let's not look at what we've lost but at what we have left...our faith! it may be shaken but it can't be taken...faith...just like daniel's...provides hope in a God who is large and in charge over every authority...that...to me...is no loss...that is great gain...
i realize my focus has been on my circumstances lately...a lot more than on the God i serve...today, i choose to put my trust in God...i know that He is aware of my situation and is working on my behalf...
nothing better than that!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
think small...
bigger isn't always better...but then again...i suspect most of you know this...just look around...mcmansions have become a blight on the landscape...oversized portions in restaurants are a waste of food and well...forget about what it does to the waistline...suvs guzzle gas and pollute the air...it's time to think small...
for instance...does anybody really need a king-size bed to rattle around in? i have to confess...i have my cal king bed...which i love...but...as a single girl...who sleeps on the same side every nite...i'm not so sure it was necessary...if you're going to own a bed that big...you might as well invite a few friends over and host a huge pajama party...and how many acres does a person really require for a backyard? surely not a thousand...we've become a nation of excess...too many cars, too many tvs and, often enough, too many houses that are too big for their own good...
last summer i got a chance to go to the opening reception for a designer showhouse that was so large, so spread out and equipped with so many rooms that i wondered as i walked through, how family members would ever find one another...and, worse, how they could hear a child in trouble and how quickly they could come to the rescue...
life on a grand scale may have suited marie antoinette, although from all that's been written and portrayed, she seemed to be the ultimate poor little rich girl...but even the queen of france needed to retreat to her petit hameau to escape the opulence of versailles...
don't get me wrong...i like space and splendor as much as the next person...well...maybe a little more than that...but there comes a point of diminishing returns...the people i've met who have a multitude of houses in many different places always appear to be on the run and are never quite sure where home really is...they also seem tired a lot of the time and prone to colds and other maladies...self-imposed stress, i call it...
on the other hand, the sanest men and women i know consciously do not bite off more than they can chew (which makes me wonder if there's a kind of heimlich manuever to save us from choking on our overextended lives). and when it comes to their "stuff," they are constantly trying to edit it down...consequently, they have a better grip on just about everything...
moral: sometimes less really is more...and small may even be better...
for instance...does anybody really need a king-size bed to rattle around in? i have to confess...i have my cal king bed...which i love...but...as a single girl...who sleeps on the same side every nite...i'm not so sure it was necessary...if you're going to own a bed that big...you might as well invite a few friends over and host a huge pajama party...and how many acres does a person really require for a backyard? surely not a thousand...we've become a nation of excess...too many cars, too many tvs and, often enough, too many houses that are too big for their own good...
last summer i got a chance to go to the opening reception for a designer showhouse that was so large, so spread out and equipped with so many rooms that i wondered as i walked through, how family members would ever find one another...and, worse, how they could hear a child in trouble and how quickly they could come to the rescue...
life on a grand scale may have suited marie antoinette, although from all that's been written and portrayed, she seemed to be the ultimate poor little rich girl...but even the queen of france needed to retreat to her petit hameau to escape the opulence of versailles...
don't get me wrong...i like space and splendor as much as the next person...well...maybe a little more than that...but there comes a point of diminishing returns...the people i've met who have a multitude of houses in many different places always appear to be on the run and are never quite sure where home really is...they also seem tired a lot of the time and prone to colds and other maladies...self-imposed stress, i call it...
on the other hand, the sanest men and women i know consciously do not bite off more than they can chew (which makes me wonder if there's a kind of heimlich manuever to save us from choking on our overextended lives). and when it comes to their "stuff," they are constantly trying to edit it down...consequently, they have a better grip on just about everything...
moral: sometimes less really is more...and small may even be better...
Monday, April 6, 2009
another lesson in life...
a lesson in life...
(author unknown)
sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become...
you never know who these people may be; your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friends, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way...
and sometimes things happen to you and at the time they may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength, will, power or heart...
everything happens for a reason...nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck...illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul...without these small tests, if they were events, illnesses or relationships...life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere...safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless...the people you meet whom affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience...they are the ones who help create or shape who you are...
even the bad experiences can be learned from...those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones...if someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart...forgive them...for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart...someone loves you...love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you...but also because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them...
make every day count...appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can...for you may never be able to experience it again...talk to people you have never talked to before...and actually listen...let yourself fall in love...break free and set your sights high...hold your head up because you have every right to...
tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself...for if you don't believe in yourself...no one else will believe in you either...
you can make of your life anything you wish...
create your own life and then go out and live it...
(author unknown)
sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become...
you never know who these people may be; your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friends, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way...
and sometimes things happen to you and at the time they may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength, will, power or heart...
everything happens for a reason...nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck...illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul...without these small tests, if they were events, illnesses or relationships...life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere...safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless...the people you meet whom affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience...they are the ones who help create or shape who you are...
even the bad experiences can be learned from...those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones...if someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart...forgive them...for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart...someone loves you...love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you...but also because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them...
make every day count...appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can...for you may never be able to experience it again...talk to people you have never talked to before...and actually listen...let yourself fall in love...break free and set your sights high...hold your head up because you have every right to...
tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself...for if you don't believe in yourself...no one else will believe in you either...
you can make of your life anything you wish...
create your own life and then go out and live it...
Friday, April 3, 2009
connections...
after an interesting conversation with a friend...in regards to marriage, singleness and everything in between...i decided to write down my thoughts and summary of "my" side of the conversation...
connections are an interesting thing...i believe that a connection to a person comes in different ways...connections are made with people who keep a warm place in our hearts...
in my life now...it is me, myself and my friends...happily ever after...what i've always been sure about...is that whether or not i had a mr. right...i could take stock of my friends...and know that i couldn't ask for much more....
as a chartered member of the 40-something club...i am someone who can say "i never married," as opposed to my 30-something days when optimism inspired me to say "i'm not married yet."
ah youth, i miss it already...
in those days i believed mr. right was just around the corner...now i realize that this corner must be somewhere in a parallel universe...and me? i'm in this universe alone, a fairly successful single woman trying to make a decent go of it...if i had a hat to throw in the air...i'd be indistinguishable from mary tyler moore...
normally i'm content being single...the only time i'm really bugged is on valentine's day...during a crisis, when i need furniture moved or when i decide to paint the ceiling (which, come to think of it, IS a crisis). then i curse the absence of a human being that is legally bound, by law and God to be there for me when i need him...
someone is truly connected only when they want to be, not because a legal ruling or commandment tells them so...this news flash hit me a few years ago when i walked into a restaurant to celebrate my birthday with a girlfriend and discovered many of my friends there for a surprise birthday dinner party...dear friends that i share priceless memories with...memories and experiences that connect us in ways that a marriage certificate doesn't always guarantee...
that realization hit me when i observed a friend unable to enjoy the appetizers and free-flowing champagne because she was too busy chasing after her rambunctious young sons...in between ordering the boys to "stop that!" and "put that down!' she expressed her disgust over her husband...who had reneged on his promise to baby-sit...this wasn't the first time, i recalled...or second, or third...she drove 150 miles and was able to stay just one hour before having to return home because it was past the boy's bedtime...no dinner for her...no reminiscing...no mingling...disappointment was all over her face like ticker tape on wall street...it was the same look she wore the previous year when she told me how her husband had remembered her birthday only after she came home from work carrying the flowers i had sent her...
then there was my other girlfriend...my pal since the sixth grade...i thought about the nasty divorce she had gone through...she'd thought they had a good marriage...then she learned about her husband's mistress for the past eight years...
and what would i do without my good friend who always installed my computer and stereo equipment because he tolerated my phobic ignorance of anything electrical...i remember he stood by the appetizers happily chomping down buffalo wings...this kind and funny man...his heart was broken one morning when his wife woke up and decided she didn't want to be married anymore...instead, she wanted to pursue a teaching career...in alaska...
heartbreak, betrayal and disappointment...all experienced by wonderful, loving people who deserved so much better...
and that was it...my blinding epiphany...i realized at that very moment that i was blessed to have more love in my life than do many married people...
people who got married because it was expected of them...
or because they were afraid of being alone...
or who stay married because they think it's better than being single...it's not...
and on the offset...i do have incredible stories of friends who have found beautiful lasting love...they found that perfect connection...
a certificate or vow (unfortunately) doesn't guarantee love or devotion...only the heart can promise that...and as i watched my friend with her sons reluctantly leave a room filled with love and warmth, i was reminded of a quote "don't marry the man you can live with...marry the man you can't live without."
i still hope to one day meet that special man who wants to marry me...but if he continues living in a parallel universe...i won't be at a loss...because i'll always have my friends...
them, i can't live without...
connections are an interesting thing...i believe that a connection to a person comes in different ways...connections are made with people who keep a warm place in our hearts...
in my life now...it is me, myself and my friends...happily ever after...what i've always been sure about...is that whether or not i had a mr. right...i could take stock of my friends...and know that i couldn't ask for much more....
as a chartered member of the 40-something club...i am someone who can say "i never married," as opposed to my 30-something days when optimism inspired me to say "i'm not married yet."
ah youth, i miss it already...
in those days i believed mr. right was just around the corner...now i realize that this corner must be somewhere in a parallel universe...and me? i'm in this universe alone, a fairly successful single woman trying to make a decent go of it...if i had a hat to throw in the air...i'd be indistinguishable from mary tyler moore...
normally i'm content being single...the only time i'm really bugged is on valentine's day...during a crisis, when i need furniture moved or when i decide to paint the ceiling (which, come to think of it, IS a crisis). then i curse the absence of a human being that is legally bound, by law and God to be there for me when i need him...
someone is truly connected only when they want to be, not because a legal ruling or commandment tells them so...this news flash hit me a few years ago when i walked into a restaurant to celebrate my birthday with a girlfriend and discovered many of my friends there for a surprise birthday dinner party...dear friends that i share priceless memories with...memories and experiences that connect us in ways that a marriage certificate doesn't always guarantee...
that realization hit me when i observed a friend unable to enjoy the appetizers and free-flowing champagne because she was too busy chasing after her rambunctious young sons...in between ordering the boys to "stop that!" and "put that down!' she expressed her disgust over her husband...who had reneged on his promise to baby-sit...this wasn't the first time, i recalled...or second, or third...she drove 150 miles and was able to stay just one hour before having to return home because it was past the boy's bedtime...no dinner for her...no reminiscing...no mingling...disappointment was all over her face like ticker tape on wall street...it was the same look she wore the previous year when she told me how her husband had remembered her birthday only after she came home from work carrying the flowers i had sent her...
then there was my other girlfriend...my pal since the sixth grade...i thought about the nasty divorce she had gone through...she'd thought they had a good marriage...then she learned about her husband's mistress for the past eight years...
and what would i do without my good friend who always installed my computer and stereo equipment because he tolerated my phobic ignorance of anything electrical...i remember he stood by the appetizers happily chomping down buffalo wings...this kind and funny man...his heart was broken one morning when his wife woke up and decided she didn't want to be married anymore...instead, she wanted to pursue a teaching career...in alaska...
heartbreak, betrayal and disappointment...all experienced by wonderful, loving people who deserved so much better...
and that was it...my blinding epiphany...i realized at that very moment that i was blessed to have more love in my life than do many married people...
people who got married because it was expected of them...
or because they were afraid of being alone...
or who stay married because they think it's better than being single...it's not...
and on the offset...i do have incredible stories of friends who have found beautiful lasting love...they found that perfect connection...
a certificate or vow (unfortunately) doesn't guarantee love or devotion...only the heart can promise that...and as i watched my friend with her sons reluctantly leave a room filled with love and warmth, i was reminded of a quote "don't marry the man you can live with...marry the man you can't live without."
i still hope to one day meet that special man who wants to marry me...but if he continues living in a parallel universe...i won't be at a loss...because i'll always have my friends...
them, i can't live without...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
just breathe...
today was a strange day...it was packed full of fitting models for an upcoming fashion show...picking up donations for the auctions...but in between all that...there was a nagging knot...i can't explain it...other than....i sometimes tend to think too much...
today was one of those days...from the moment i woke up...my brain was reeling...thoughts swirling around every which way...and as the day progressed...the thoughts got more and more intense...
the thing is...that there wasn't anything that happened that would prompt me to go on this thinking fest...it just happens every once in a while...i start analyzing...comtemplating...thinking up scenarios in my head...till i get to the point that i am now...a throbbing headache...
just breathe...i know i thought that several times today...and i remember taking some deep breaths...but my mind kept swirling...and swirling..and swirling...
there are times where i believe you can think through things so much...that you end up with results in your head that are so preposterous...but that is what happens when you let your thoughts get the best of you...as i did today...
there are times that my emotions get the best of me...and it is in those times...i know that i need to be careful with my thoughts...because i can make something that is completely fine...suddenly become an out of control emotional roller coaster...
so...as i quiet my heart...my thoughts...i continue telling myself...
just breathe...
tomorrow is a new day...can't wait for this day to end...
today was one of those days...from the moment i woke up...my brain was reeling...thoughts swirling around every which way...and as the day progressed...the thoughts got more and more intense...
the thing is...that there wasn't anything that happened that would prompt me to go on this thinking fest...it just happens every once in a while...i start analyzing...comtemplating...thinking up scenarios in my head...till i get to the point that i am now...a throbbing headache...
just breathe...i know i thought that several times today...and i remember taking some deep breaths...but my mind kept swirling...and swirling..and swirling...
there are times where i believe you can think through things so much...that you end up with results in your head that are so preposterous...but that is what happens when you let your thoughts get the best of you...as i did today...
there are times that my emotions get the best of me...and it is in those times...i know that i need to be careful with my thoughts...because i can make something that is completely fine...suddenly become an out of control emotional roller coaster...
so...as i quiet my heart...my thoughts...i continue telling myself...
just breathe...
tomorrow is a new day...can't wait for this day to end...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
thoughts from a hopeless romantic...
relationships...i am so intrigued by them...i love hearing how a couple met...how a couple makes it work...the "little" and the "big" things that make a relationship special...
we each inherit a legacy of marriage...defining ourselves with or against our parent's marriage...in this sense, children are given a chance to finish the work of an earlier generation, studying the past and then applying the lessons to their own lives...this doesn't always guarantee brighter outcomes...but hopefully you can take from it...lessons learned...
my own parents...are looking at celebrating fifty years together next year...one of my favorite things about them is something that i have never told them...it is almost like my little secret...a moment that brings me such joy and such hope...
i have the key to their home...so when i come over to visit them...i just help myself in...after all they gave me the key for a reason...right? when i enter their home...i walk through the living room, then the dining room...to get to the kitchen...this is usually the time they notice that i am there...during my walk through the house...the most wonderful sound is heard in the house...
my mom & dad talking...a lot of times laughing...about anything and everything...
sometimes it still amazes me that after so many years...they still can sit with each other...every day...and talk & laugh...it truly warms my heart...every time...
this year, i began a new chapter in my life...armed with the defeat of a relationship from prior year...but also with a strong sense of idealism...relationships end...i get that...and for me...the most important thing...is to learn from it...to evaluate your own actions...what could have been done better...what should have been avoided...you shape yourself against the grain of unhappiness...i don't believe in luck...but i do believe that you need to be in the right mindset...be in the right place...to meet someone new...my romantic side sees it as if i whirled around the dance floor a little recklessly and somehow landed in the arms of the right man at the end of the night...but truthfully, i think my current happiness is made up of some unknowable combination...as unknowable as love itself...of work and circumstance...it has to do with my own yearning to still a shaky sense of family and the joyous moment of meeting someone who so deeply makes me happy...
i'd like to describe him to you...his amazing character and integrity...his care and encouragement...his beautiful blue eyes and distinguished face...and the meaning he has brought to my life...i could tell you the stories that make up the very marrow of our budding relationship...the ways he has helped me know myself, his devoted love of family and friends...or the way that emotional subtlety and outrageous humor reside together so comfortably in him...i could tell you that his care for me both draws me out and steadies me on the beam...or i could simply recount the time, he...knowing how uncomfortable i felt...grabbed my hands...and softly counted steps in my ear...as he danced with me...but then i'd be trying to convince you of something that is mine alone to know...there is no way to explain why someone walks into a room and awakens your most primal dreams...
several weeks ago...i was seated next to a gentleman at a dinner party...he's in his midsixties and has been married for 38 years...when i asked him what essential bit made his marriage last, he grasped uncomfortably for the answer. "she's still my best friend," he said, then slightly grimaced at his own corny explanation. "we amuse each other...we have a shared interest in our children." his eyes closed and fluttered as he concentrated, searching for more. "a long marriage can sometimes feel like a life imprisonment," he said, suddenly opening his eyes again. "but love also changes again and again and again over the years...don't expect that what you have now will be what you have down the road. you won't even recognize why you first fell in love." he shrugged, offering one last possiblity. "and some people are just lifers."
i felt torn...i respected the words of an intelligent man who has been married for decades...i tried to weave his weary appreciation into my own future...imagining me feeling the same way...and i also shrugged off his words with the impishness of a teenager...i am impatient with those who resist marriage after having chosen it...who don't endorse it fully...why not just love love? why let time wear it down? i hope that won't happen to me...
perhaps my determination and optimism won't carry me effortlessly into the future...i may have to lose my grip, to let time have its way...my gratefulness for having a happy life on the back of many sad losses...i continue to face the coming days inevitable and unpredictable...making it up along the way...i may have to draw on strengths i can't be sure i have or face the frightening truths about ourselves that long-time intimacy can so often demand...
or maybe i'll just be a happy lifer...
still, i go forward with the only reason i can think of...the hopeless romantic in me...believes in relationships...believes in two people making it...believes in love...
we each inherit a legacy of marriage...defining ourselves with or against our parent's marriage...in this sense, children are given a chance to finish the work of an earlier generation, studying the past and then applying the lessons to their own lives...this doesn't always guarantee brighter outcomes...but hopefully you can take from it...lessons learned...
my own parents...are looking at celebrating fifty years together next year...one of my favorite things about them is something that i have never told them...it is almost like my little secret...a moment that brings me such joy and such hope...
i have the key to their home...so when i come over to visit them...i just help myself in...after all they gave me the key for a reason...right? when i enter their home...i walk through the living room, then the dining room...to get to the kitchen...this is usually the time they notice that i am there...during my walk through the house...the most wonderful sound is heard in the house...
my mom & dad talking...a lot of times laughing...about anything and everything...
sometimes it still amazes me that after so many years...they still can sit with each other...every day...and talk & laugh...it truly warms my heart...every time...
this year, i began a new chapter in my life...armed with the defeat of a relationship from prior year...but also with a strong sense of idealism...relationships end...i get that...and for me...the most important thing...is to learn from it...to evaluate your own actions...what could have been done better...what should have been avoided...you shape yourself against the grain of unhappiness...i don't believe in luck...but i do believe that you need to be in the right mindset...be in the right place...to meet someone new...my romantic side sees it as if i whirled around the dance floor a little recklessly and somehow landed in the arms of the right man at the end of the night...but truthfully, i think my current happiness is made up of some unknowable combination...as unknowable as love itself...of work and circumstance...it has to do with my own yearning to still a shaky sense of family and the joyous moment of meeting someone who so deeply makes me happy...
i'd like to describe him to you...his amazing character and integrity...his care and encouragement...his beautiful blue eyes and distinguished face...and the meaning he has brought to my life...i could tell you the stories that make up the very marrow of our budding relationship...the ways he has helped me know myself, his devoted love of family and friends...or the way that emotional subtlety and outrageous humor reside together so comfortably in him...i could tell you that his care for me both draws me out and steadies me on the beam...or i could simply recount the time, he...knowing how uncomfortable i felt...grabbed my hands...and softly counted steps in my ear...as he danced with me...but then i'd be trying to convince you of something that is mine alone to know...there is no way to explain why someone walks into a room and awakens your most primal dreams...
several weeks ago...i was seated next to a gentleman at a dinner party...he's in his midsixties and has been married for 38 years...when i asked him what essential bit made his marriage last, he grasped uncomfortably for the answer. "she's still my best friend," he said, then slightly grimaced at his own corny explanation. "we amuse each other...we have a shared interest in our children." his eyes closed and fluttered as he concentrated, searching for more. "a long marriage can sometimes feel like a life imprisonment," he said, suddenly opening his eyes again. "but love also changes again and again and again over the years...don't expect that what you have now will be what you have down the road. you won't even recognize why you first fell in love." he shrugged, offering one last possiblity. "and some people are just lifers."
i felt torn...i respected the words of an intelligent man who has been married for decades...i tried to weave his weary appreciation into my own future...imagining me feeling the same way...and i also shrugged off his words with the impishness of a teenager...i am impatient with those who resist marriage after having chosen it...who don't endorse it fully...why not just love love? why let time wear it down? i hope that won't happen to me...
perhaps my determination and optimism won't carry me effortlessly into the future...i may have to lose my grip, to let time have its way...my gratefulness for having a happy life on the back of many sad losses...i continue to face the coming days inevitable and unpredictable...making it up along the way...i may have to draw on strengths i can't be sure i have or face the frightening truths about ourselves that long-time intimacy can so often demand...
or maybe i'll just be a happy lifer...
still, i go forward with the only reason i can think of...the hopeless romantic in me...believes in relationships...believes in two people making it...believes in love...
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