neurogesx, inc. rings the nasdaq stock market opening bell...

this week...my good friend adena was by her husbands side at the ringing of the nasdaq market opening bell...adena & tony are more then friends...they truly are like family to me...what an exciting moment to share in...

back in november we were proud of tony...as his company had just received fda approval on the drug they had been working on for years...

when i worked for many years at reuters...i had the opportunity of being on several of the stock exchange floors and witness the opening of the market bell...but it is a whole different story...when it is someone you know...someone you are so proud of...AND he is just the sweetest man on earth...

here is the link for more pictures...plus on the right...you can view the actual event...

once again...tony...we are so proud of you!

that difficult person...

it happened again...just like so many times before...snuck up on me...didn't see it coming...athough this was about a week ago...i still can't believe i let it happen...

who is that person in your life who always seems to know exactly what to say or do to get you from zero to rage in 60 seconds? they push and they push and as usual you walk right into the trap and explode in anger...perhaps you have more than one person in your life who is skilled at causing you to tie your chest in a knot...scream...yell or try desperately to restrain yourself from doing something that would bring highly undesirable consequences...

how many times have you been driven to this state by a certain someone or group of people? why is it that no matter how many times we go there, we somehow believe that it won’t happen again? why do we expect people to do something or be anything other than what they are?

the key to dealing with the difficult ones is to simply accept them...they are who they are...if you expect them to be anyone else...you will be upset and disappointed every time...in fact, we would all be happier if we simply started accepting people for who they are...even if we think they should be something else...if you do not accept them...you judge them...and that is not a seat you want to sit in...believe me...

and here is the clincher...don’t forget that you are most likely someone else’s “difficult one.” if there isn’t a person on the earth who can say you have been difficult...God can say it...He sees and knows all...

so what should our aim be? pray for people in your life that you find it hard to get along with and maintain your position of peace...follow the example of Jesus...He did not seek trouble or react defensively...He maintained His position...accepting people as they were and remaining who He was at all times...what an example!

try love...understanding and forgiveness when dealing with the difficult people in your life...give people the same grace and mercy that you need for yourself...

difficult times...they are a comin...

the question in life is not "will we go through difficult times?" but "how will we go through difficult times?" we are all going to have difficult times...if they haven't come already...hate to break it to you...but they will...it's a fallen world...will we go through them alone? will we go through them with a stiff upper lip? will we be crushed under their weight and give up in despair? will we go into denial or become bitter and resentful toward God and others? or will we experience the peace and power of God in ways beyond our wildest dreams? by the way...that last option is God's desire for us...

i've been reading psalm 23 a lot lately...it truly is probably the most well-known portion of scripture in all of the world...it is so familiar...that if you're not careful...you won't think about what it really means...

so try something new...listen with your ears..if you had to jot down the biggest thing that could be a crisis in your life right now...what would it be? if you don't have one...think back on your past to a significant crisis...whatever crisis you choose to look at...whether it's relational or financial or health-related...study this psalm with that crisis in view...rather than as a flowing piece of poetry you've probably heard for years...

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

how God answers prayer...

yes...i do believe with all my heart that God answers prayer...and sometimes...that answer is no...

then there are those times...where things just fall apart...and you have no answer...yes, no or maybe...and you are left fluttering around...trying to make sense of it all...

and then the work begins...the letting go...i don't know why this is so hard for me...and so many...i'm sure for me...a lot of it is the control issue =)...so not good...

i have had a few times in my life where God so incredibly took over a situation in my life...that there is no way...no how...that you could explain it...other than the hand of God being completely in it...

now...i am not saying that God's hand has only been in my life a few times...but these specific that i am thinking about...they were those moments...where you sit back and all you can utter is a muttered..."wow"...

and you sit in amazement...almost in shock that it happened...those moments for me were first so overwhelming...because they were true outright blatant showers of God's love for me...they were the "no denying it" God moments...overwhelming in that...you sit and think...surely God has got other things to be dealing with...but He took this moment...to show me...love...in the midst of some pretty hairy situations...

and then their are those moments...where the answers don't come...and you finally get to the point...in your head and in your heart...that the dream is dead...and you learn to move on...

i had a dream so many years ago...and although i knew in my heart that it was a good dream...everything was working against it...no one supported me in it...which that in itself was pretty hard to handle...but i kept praying...and the circumstances of it...just stood still...and i couldn't get a read from the Lord...do i move forward? do i keep pressing on? or...do i let this dream die?

the dream has since died...it died many years ago...and i was ok with that...stopped thinking about it...

until a few weeks ago...conversations out of the blue...situations that only God could perform...and now i sit...with the possiblity of this dream...from so many years ago...possibly birthing into a reality...so completely not how i had imagined it so many years ago...but so much better...and easier...i find myself...a little nervous...and a lot excited...

i always hear how God's timing is perfect...and i know that to be true...and i always hear how His way for a dream is perfect...and i know that to be true...there are still those moments...where you feel like..."can this really be happening to me?"

what i know to be true...and still find amazing...is that He answers prayer on His time...not mine...and being that i can only see with my human eyes...i'd much rather rely on Him...He sees far beyond what i ever could...

chrissy the skinny hazelnut girl...

there is a little downtown area close to where i live that i end up doing the majority of all my errands...i go there...a lot...the great thing is that in this mini shopping area...we have a “super” target, as if there is any other kind...it has a starbucks and a grocery store in it...so...i can buy milk, sheets and a skinny hazelnut latte all in the same place...and life, if even for a moment, is grand...

my many liaisons in target have helped me to become acquainted with the barista in the starbucks there...her name is chrissy...she is 24 years old and single...she loves the way i dress and almost died when she found out i was a wardrobe consultant & personal shopper...she has a really sweet spirit and a beautiful smile...she is one of those people that you would notice when you walk in a room...i sometimes wonder if people would ever say that about me...

anyway...a few months ago i found this scarf with the most unusual design...and in one of my favorite colors...i bought this scarf at the end of winter...thinking i probably was going to save it for next year...but i couldn't pass it up...as it was very unique...and i knew i would find a lot to wear with it...

well...as our weather has been pretty unstable lately...one week of beautiful sunny summer weather...to a week of horrendous rain & bitter cold...last week...one day in particular...it was definately a cold cold nippy day...perfect to wear my scarf...as i was going to be running around doing errands...specifically with an outing to target that night...what a perfect night for starbucks...but on this night, chrissy was sad...i asked her how she was and she replied with “fine”...i immediately thought about how many times i’m way too busy and/or self-absorbed to even notice people around me...or when i do ask “how are you” it’s more of a greeting than me really listening and caring about the response...chrissy made me my usual skinny hazelnut latte and when she leaned over to hand it to me, she smiled at my scarf... “i love that...it is so unique”, she said...i paid, thanked her and walked away...

i walked through target and couldn’t get the funk that chrissy was in out of my head...maybe she got dumped...maybe her boss was a jerk that day...maybe she had no one to spend easter with...maybe she is homeless and hungry...maybe i should care more about what people are going through?? i paid for my things and i quietly took my scarf off and headed over to chrissy. i laid it on the counter and said “hope you have a wonderful weekend...you’re awesome.”

since then, chrissy won’t let me pay for my starbucks anymore...could she get fired for that? we don’t really talk about what was wrong with her or the scarf...she knew that i quietly understood and my scarf was a reminder that she isn’t alone...

lesson: stop being so selfish, scattered, scared, and blinded to the people around me. I AM NOT AN ISLAND...as much as i wish i could be...

by the way...you aren’t an island either...share your pain with someone else and remind them they aren’t walking alone...you will be amazed at what a little selfless love can do...too many of us don’t want to put any work into relationships...is that you too?

Lord, i lift Your name on high...

one of my all time favorite choruses...always appropriate...but especially this easter weekend...may you feel His presence this easter weekend...


Lord , i lift Your name on high - donnie mcclurkin

Chorus:
Lord I lift your name on high
Lord I love to sing your praises
I'm so glad you are in my life
I'm so glad you came to save us.

You came from heaven to earth, to show the way
From the earth to the cross, my debt to pay
From the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky
Lord I lift your name on high.
Chorus.

we can do this...me & God...

this last week was the end to a pretty remarkable bible study series...and i'd be lying if i didn't say that i was touched...convicted...stirred...moved...throughout the weeks...but that is good...right? i think if we sit and have no emotion...no feeling...something is seriously wrong...of course...me with my emotions...well...(insert laugh) that alone could be a comedy hour...not in that i have emotions...but that for the most part...i just can't hold it in...and many times when it was my turn to share...i would almost want to hold back...not because of what i wanted to share...but because i knew...that my voice would crack...and the tears would almost always follow...after the first few weeks...the group embraced it...and laughed along side me...and by the end...we just ignored the tears...but got to the heart of the matter...the words...whether they were accompanied with the tears...didn't matter...it is who i am...

so this last week...the end...the summary of all things...it was pretty intense...by this point...our group had become very vulnerable with each other...but we also saw how each one of us had grown...had gotten a little stronger...and had become accountable to the others in the group...so powerful...one of the things we talked about this last week was forgiveness...

here is one thing i know about forgiveness...that still is a struggle at times for me...but i take it...one day at a time...

often times...feelings sneak up on us...you think you’re ok...you think you’ve forgiven and you’re not angry anymore...but then something happens that reminds you...

a smell...

a song...

a name...

and there it is again...it appears on the surface of your memory as if it happened an hour ago...every emotion...every move...every moment replayed in your head...

the questions start...

how could she?
i thought he loved me?
why?

it can be like a disease...i knew a woman once...who i believe that it literally killed her...this disease...she could NEVER forgive...when she died...there were stacks found of calendars where she had documented everything that those around her didn’t do..."sarah didn’t call...” “bill canceled coming over...” “joe & rita didn’t send birthday cards...” she was so miserable...she couldn’t forgive...she never understood grace...

and i didn’t either...until one day when i stood face to face to such a big rejection...someone who i thought loved me...supported me...and was above all...one of my dearest friends...among the anger, pain, and devastation somehow grace lurked...it tapped me on the shoulder and offered to be the first step in my healing...

soon...forgiveness danced around my head and wondered if maybe it could stay for a while...i toyed with it for days...months...

today...i saw a picture...social media is funny because you can run but you can’t hide...but...yah know...it wasn’t there anymore...no anger...no disdain...actually, i cried for what could have been...this person understood me like no one ever really has...and honestly...i miss that...

i took a deep breath and felt a little lighter...we can do this...me and God...

you can do it too...throw away your mental inventory of hurts and disappointments...life is tough and people are flawed...and even if you never hear “i’m sorry...” forgive anyway...