feeling whole...

i know more now than i did before...more about myself...more about men...more about God and His grace...this was a test...and i believe i've passed it...i'm still standing, that's for sure...that has to mean something...others have withered and died...but i'm still here...

i am told that i look different...i should...now all the puzzle pieces fit...i can see the whole picture...i have been through something and come out on the other side...true revelation always brings transformation...if i haven't been changed by the experience...then i didn't "get it." and i do want to "get it" because i do not want to repeat the lesson again...it was not fun...though it must have been necessary...

why? the reason escapes me just now...but in time i know that i will understand all things fully...for now i will learn what i have been able to grasp and use it to my benefit...growing another inch...walking another mile...no pain, no gain...

there is no way around the lessons of life...and they will not go away...you will remain in the same space...doing the same exercise over again and again...until you complete your course and graduate to the next level...you cannot cheat...you cannot borrow from the past paper...when God gives you a clean slate...don't write the same thing on it again...i learned that lesson well...in the learning i find wholeness, health and strength...my issues are settled at last...i've made peace with myself...i am all right with me...the fight is over...and now i find i carry less and yet i have so much more...

"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
james 1:2-4

my dear heavenly Father,
thank You for loving me enough to allow me to make mistakes in order to learn my lessons. thank You for using those lessons to fashion me into a work of art...i now see Your wisdom, though there was a time when i questioned why You were allowing me to suffer so much...

i know there will be other lessons ahead of me...abide with me and help me to pass every test...for every test makes me more complete...shaping me into a vessel for Your glory...remind me by Your Spirit in the difficult times that You will not allow me to go through more that i can bear...You know me so much better that i know myself...

thank You for pushing me beyond my comfort zone of endurance...just when i think i will break i am amazed to discover that You have given me strength...just when i thought i was fresh out...

thanks to Your faithfulness and patience...i am whole...i am full...i am an overcomer...