pity party from years ago...

as most of my friends will attest...i don't have a very good memory...which is why i had a few chuckles today while reading some old journals...one day in particular that i read...reminded me of a day i had completely forgotten...and when i finished reading...it was strange how i remembered exactly how i felt on that lovely day...

it was a pity party day...many many years ago...

i was sitting on a plane awaiting the takeoff of the return leg of a business trip..and though i'd just singlehandedly represented my company to numerous clients and conducted several successful meetings, i had tears in my eyes...though i was surrounded by a sea of humanity on the sold-out flight...i felt utterly alone...and it was all the flight attendant's fault...

to be fair...she had no idea what she'd done...after the usual song and dance about what to do if the plane sudddenly plummeted toward the earth...she interrupted the preflight silence with an extra announcement..."we are thrilled to have not one, not two, but three honeymooning couples on board with us today. we hope you newlyweds will enjoy a lifetime of happiness - as well as your complimentary beverages."

great, i thought to myself in a moment of singleness synicism...not only do these people get lifetime partners, they also get free drinks! once again i felt like i was on the ouside looking in on the rest of the happily paired-off world...

as i gazed out the window at the darkening sky...my spirits grew dim as well...in fact, i sank into a full-fledged pity party right there in seat 7-c...i thought about the couples launching into their new lives together...full of hope, wonder, and the security of having a lifetime companion...in contrast...when we landed i would be met by a stranger from the airport shuttle serice who would deliver me to my empty apartment...in a couple of weeks i would be attending yet another wedding...and i still hadn't figured out who to take with me as my "and guest"...a far cry from even envisioning myself walking down the aisle with a soulmate...

as the plane gathered speed and finally lifted off the ground...a few tears escaped from the corners of my eyes...that's never going to be me, i thought as i pictured the honeymooners on board toasting this new journey...both literal and symbolic...i'm never going to get married, and then the universal single myth capped off my mental monologue...there must be something wrong with me..

looking back, i realize how pathetic this whole scenario was...but in my conversations with countless single women...i've discovered scenarios like that are also very common...the type of situation may vary...the company christmas party where everyone except you has a built-in significant other to bring...your high school reunion...valentine's day...mother's day...receiving five wedding invitations in one year (all from women younger than you)...going to a romantic movie with the girls instead of a date...not being able to find a non-love song on your car radio...watching married women be dropped off at the door of the mall while you drive around in the rain to find a parking place...sitting in a sea of couples and families at church on sunday morning...but whatever the cause...the resulting feeling is the same...

i was embarrassed for losing it that day...so i quickly tried to pull myself together before the woman sitting beside me felt the need for an intervention...in an effort to stop the waterworks...i accidently stumbled onto one of the best things i've found for putting a wet blanket on a pity party...picture a friend in your shoes and think of what you'd say to console her...

as i started flipping through the in-flight magazine to divert my attention...i also began a mental lecture...okay now, let's be real here...never? never get married? you're a smart person...you know that "nevers" are rarely true...you just haven't met the right person yet...and you definately don't want to settle and risk becoming a miserable married or a divorce statistic...it's not like this whole marriage thing is a race anyway...so...relax and enjoy the ride already....

this is what is called self-talk...my bible calls this thinking about things that are true...i call it my salvation on days when singleness stinks...so what do you hear when you tune in to the voice in your head? is it positive? is it true? if your mental momologue is making you miserable...become your own best friend and give yourself a kindhearted talking to...