a couple of times i have had the misfortune to be sitting before my computer screen...diligently working on a document...when the network jams and the screen goes blank...i sit there in horror and disbelief...staring at that blank screen...thinking that surely i'm dreaming...and...in just a moment...the words will reappear...but no, the document is gone...and since i had not remembered to save it...the document is gone to the obscure land of lost computer words...
sometimes i have had that same experience with prayer...when everything is going great...no trouble, no crisis...praying is easy...God seems to be sitting right there with me...and we can commune as friend with friend...
but there have been times when such a heavy crisis loomed over my life that my prayer screen seemed to go dark...the blank screen looked back at me in mockery...how frightening! i would feel so very alone and empty...i would try to reach out to God...but it felt like there was no one there...my fear and desperation seemed to short-circuit the prayer connection...and just when i needed God the most...i couldn't find Him...
i don't have a good explanation for why this happens...i think it is because the storm is just crashing so loudly that it drowns out all communication...
so, what to do? feeling cut off from our power source is a huge crisis for a christian...how can we get to God? i suspect that each christian who has faced this crisis has a plan...but i can share my plan and say that this is what works for me...
when my heart is breaking and the darkness surrounds my thoughts, i simply have to wait in silence...never before has psalm 46:10 meant so much to me as it does in this situation..."be still, and know that i am God." God already knows my heart, my pain, and my prayer...the Spirit has seen to that...so what i can do is be still...i must sit still in the presence of God, whether i can feel Him there or not...
i think that apostle paul had this same problem in mind when he wrote about it in romans...
in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what we ought to pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express...and he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. 8:26-27
what an encouraging promise...to know that God's spirit broods over our desolation when we cannot pray and responds with understanding and power until we can pray again...just sit still in the presence of God...no words are necessary...
the second realization that gives me courage during these kinds of times is this: when i find i cannot pray...i can live in trust...despite the desolation i experience and the desperation that overwhelms me...i can remember other days when things have been different...i try to think about the times when i felt the very nearness of God...when my spirit soared as i walked with the Lord...and, remembering those times, i affirm those peak moments with trust...i try to focus and reclaim the certainties that once centered my faith...knowing that the Spirit is praying for me the prayer that i cannot pray for myself...
then one day the wonderful moment comes when the storm clouds begin to roll away...when the darkness is once again, slowly, replaced by light...and God's presence breaks through within me again...the Spirit helped me in my weakness and in my darkness...it is a gift...
with all my heart...i believe that the prayers of silence can be the most powerful prayers of all...just "be still, and know"...and the Spirit does the rest...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
to jennifer with love...
just received an email from a wonderful woman judy that i met years ago in choir...
on the one hand...i am touched that in all that she is going through...she took the time to send me the email...knowing i would want to know...but on the other hand...such sad news...
i met her daughter jennifer when i was teaching kid's kingdom children's choir...jennifer had brought her daughter to choir...i instantly connected with the child hayley...and hayley connected with me...we would always joke how i was the second mother...there was also a strong connection between jennifer & i...every conversation was filled with laughter...
hayley loves to sing...it was very apparent in choir...
jennifer has been sick for a very very long time...she past away yesterday...leaving three children...
hayley had promised her mom that she would sing steven curtis chapman's song "cinderella" at the memorial service...she sang it yesterday for the hospice social worker, the chaplain & the family...her grandmother says it was beautiful...without being there...i know it was...
rest in peace sweet jennifer...you will be missed...
"death leaves a heartache no one can heal...love leaves a memory no one can steal"
on the one hand...i am touched that in all that she is going through...she took the time to send me the email...knowing i would want to know...but on the other hand...such sad news...
i met her daughter jennifer when i was teaching kid's kingdom children's choir...jennifer had brought her daughter to choir...i instantly connected with the child hayley...and hayley connected with me...we would always joke how i was the second mother...there was also a strong connection between jennifer & i...every conversation was filled with laughter...
hayley loves to sing...it was very apparent in choir...
jennifer has been sick for a very very long time...she past away yesterday...leaving three children...
hayley had promised her mom that she would sing steven curtis chapman's song "cinderella" at the memorial service...she sang it yesterday for the hospice social worker, the chaplain & the family...her grandmother says it was beautiful...without being there...i know it was...
rest in peace sweet jennifer...you will be missed...
"death leaves a heartache no one can heal...love leaves a memory no one can steal"
a call to anguish...
one of my all time favorite speakers...david wilkerson...this man has such a heart for God...this video really impacted me...the word that comes to mind is...
complacency...i have to say...i am guilty of it...
there are really no words i can add to this...his passion cuts straight to your heart...
may it touch you as well...
complacency...i have to say...i am guilty of it...
there are really no words i can add to this...his passion cuts straight to your heart...
may it touch you as well...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
You are everything i need...
this is such a beautiful portrayal of our Father's love for us...no matter where we are...what we are doing...what we are feeling...
He is there...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
happy blogaversary to me...
happy blogaversary to me!
one year ago today...and 241 posts later...i am celebrating my one year...woo-hoo! i almost feel like i should have a slice of chocolate cake...
so what has this year meant to me? i have to say when i started out...i was a bit apprehensive...i mean...i am pretty much an open book...where i can't really hide my feelings in my expressions and actions...but in the same respect...i am a pretty private person when it comes to my "stuff"...so i wondered how indepth i would get...but i chose to take it one day at a time...
some days were easy to write...others...well not so much...some days were therapuetic...some days felt like i had a looming homework assignment that i didn't want to get to...but most days...it felt good to post my feelings...and on the tough days...when i truly was writing just to release some emotions...the emails and comments would come trickling in...and i started to see...that through my openess & honesty...i was helping others going through similar situations...
i am still pondering whether i will re-read from day one...a part of me wants to...a part of me doesn't want to be reminded of the hard times that hit me this year...although i think it would be great to see my growth over the past year...and see...as my profile description states...that all in all...He has got it all in control...
i am now looking at starting a 2nd blog...one solely based on fashion...requested by clients and friends...it is a huge undertaking...but i am up for the challenge...
to my faithful readers...thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts...thank you for your encouragement...thank you for the precious comments and emails...
one year ago today...and 241 posts later...i am celebrating my one year...woo-hoo! i almost feel like i should have a slice of chocolate cake...
so what has this year meant to me? i have to say when i started out...i was a bit apprehensive...i mean...i am pretty much an open book...where i can't really hide my feelings in my expressions and actions...but in the same respect...i am a pretty private person when it comes to my "stuff"...so i wondered how indepth i would get...but i chose to take it one day at a time...
some days were easy to write...others...well not so much...some days were therapuetic...some days felt like i had a looming homework assignment that i didn't want to get to...but most days...it felt good to post my feelings...and on the tough days...when i truly was writing just to release some emotions...the emails and comments would come trickling in...and i started to see...that through my openess & honesty...i was helping others going through similar situations...
i am still pondering whether i will re-read from day one...a part of me wants to...a part of me doesn't want to be reminded of the hard times that hit me this year...although i think it would be great to see my growth over the past year...and see...as my profile description states...that all in all...He has got it all in control...
i am now looking at starting a 2nd blog...one solely based on fashion...requested by clients and friends...it is a huge undertaking...but i am up for the challenge...
to my faithful readers...thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts...thank you for your encouragement...thank you for the precious comments and emails...
Monday, August 24, 2009
what do i do with what i have been given...?
the condition of human suffering has long been debated in christian circles...and when the suffering falls on a tiny child, it makes even less sense to people who believe in a loving God...
do i believe God willed that my friends precious baby boy would suffer just so He could teach them more about His love? and when friends told them they felt that timmy had been born to the "right" parents, were they explaining away a choice they felt God had made? were they saying that God consciously decided to "reward" their family with a handicapped child?
it is never the will of God for anyone to suffer. God does not cause suffering, and He does not make little children grow up in bodies that are broken and weak...
sometimes adults bring pain and suffering on themselves by disobeying the rules of nature and not caring for themselves and their physical bodies...sometimes human carelessness causes pain and suffering, as in automobile accidents...and sometimes living in a finite and imperfect world results in illness and suffering...our bodies interact with many influences...both genetic and environmental...mortality is a fact of life...but none of these things reflect God's justice...as i understand it...
how then can a loving Creator allow us to live in a world where we daily face cancer, death, disease, fear, and pain? time after time we have all been a part of a caring group that has prayed long and hard for a cure or a recovery...only to have ultimately lost the battle and experienced illness and death anyway...how can this be?
does God have a weekly quota of illnesses to distribute and selectively bestow on the people "most likely to succeed"?
i can never believe that! instead, i feel the world is set up in a way in which both good and evil are at work...both wellness and sickness exist...both sadness and happiness are available for our taking...pain is a natural part of life...germs, viruses, amd malignant tumors are a part of the real world...when we are alive in an imperfect world, we have to take all the good and bad together...life is not fair...and this is where the love of God comes in...
through the grace of our loving God, we can move beyond the question of "why?" and move instead to the question of "what do i do with what i have been given?" this is the meaning of being human, created in the image of God...we are free to make positive choices that can take a very bad situation and turn it into an opportunity for experiencing His grace, His strength, His presence, and His love...
suffering can help us explore the limits of our capacity for knowing God; it leads us to discover our own depths of perseverance and strength...as we begin to see our tragedy in the context of a mostly good life, we can begin to know God...
the love of God exists in its strongest and purest form in the very midst of suffering and tragedy...we do not love God because He protects us from all sorrow and all harm...we love Him because loving Him makes us better and stronger in sorrow and pain...we love Him because He is the source of our hope and courage in an imperfect world...
God did not cause timmy's disability...it happened because we live in a world of imperfection and defects...but His infinite mercy has led my friends, timmy's parents, hour by hour...day by day...month by month to new depths of coping...
God works with us where we are and helps us move toward where we can be...
do i believe God willed that my friends precious baby boy would suffer just so He could teach them more about His love? and when friends told them they felt that timmy had been born to the "right" parents, were they explaining away a choice they felt God had made? were they saying that God consciously decided to "reward" their family with a handicapped child?
it is never the will of God for anyone to suffer. God does not cause suffering, and He does not make little children grow up in bodies that are broken and weak...
sometimes adults bring pain and suffering on themselves by disobeying the rules of nature and not caring for themselves and their physical bodies...sometimes human carelessness causes pain and suffering, as in automobile accidents...and sometimes living in a finite and imperfect world results in illness and suffering...our bodies interact with many influences...both genetic and environmental...mortality is a fact of life...but none of these things reflect God's justice...as i understand it...
how then can a loving Creator allow us to live in a world where we daily face cancer, death, disease, fear, and pain? time after time we have all been a part of a caring group that has prayed long and hard for a cure or a recovery...only to have ultimately lost the battle and experienced illness and death anyway...how can this be?
does God have a weekly quota of illnesses to distribute and selectively bestow on the people "most likely to succeed"?
i can never believe that! instead, i feel the world is set up in a way in which both good and evil are at work...both wellness and sickness exist...both sadness and happiness are available for our taking...pain is a natural part of life...germs, viruses, amd malignant tumors are a part of the real world...when we are alive in an imperfect world, we have to take all the good and bad together...life is not fair...and this is where the love of God comes in...
through the grace of our loving God, we can move beyond the question of "why?" and move instead to the question of "what do i do with what i have been given?" this is the meaning of being human, created in the image of God...we are free to make positive choices that can take a very bad situation and turn it into an opportunity for experiencing His grace, His strength, His presence, and His love...
suffering can help us explore the limits of our capacity for knowing God; it leads us to discover our own depths of perseverance and strength...as we begin to see our tragedy in the context of a mostly good life, we can begin to know God...
the love of God exists in its strongest and purest form in the very midst of suffering and tragedy...we do not love God because He protects us from all sorrow and all harm...we love Him because loving Him makes us better and stronger in sorrow and pain...we love Him because He is the source of our hope and courage in an imperfect world...
God did not cause timmy's disability...it happened because we live in a world of imperfection and defects...but His infinite mercy has led my friends, timmy's parents, hour by hour...day by day...month by month to new depths of coping...
God works with us where we are and helps us move toward where we can be...
Friday, August 21, 2009
aahhh luxury...
engage in a little fantasy...suppose you had an entire day with no responsibility, no schedule, no demands on your time or energy...for an entire day, you could put yourself in the lap of luxury...what would the day look like? what is your most defined sense of pleasure?
maybe a long walk in the woods where you lose all sense of time, walking in the sheer pleasure of good health and stamina...
maybe a day at the spa with attendants catering to your every whim...
maybe time alone with your love, enjoying the luxury of uninterrupted pleasure, communicating...appreciating the companionship...
maybe an entire day to wander in and out of antique shops with whatever money you need to buy whatever you want...
maybe a day at home alone just enjoying your own company...
what is it that would be a luxury for you?
so now, i ask: is luxury all about money? expensive places and things? in some ways, yes...it takes money to buy some leisure activities...a day at the spa is not cheap...but luxury may be more about time, relationships, and experiences...
luxury is a condition of abundance, something that provides pleasure but is not absolutely necessary...a sumptuous environment...it may be a place in your home to spend quiet times with all your favorite things around you...time to enjoy the sunday paper...good health...personal strength...beautiful memories...an afternoon nap...sleeping late...one daisy in a blue bottle...all are luxuries...all are things that make life extra nice...that provide pleasure...little things that add up to luxury...
so is luxury something you can buy? not always...more often...luxury is making the most of what you have...
maybe a long walk in the woods where you lose all sense of time, walking in the sheer pleasure of good health and stamina...
maybe a day at the spa with attendants catering to your every whim...
maybe time alone with your love, enjoying the luxury of uninterrupted pleasure, communicating...appreciating the companionship...
maybe an entire day to wander in and out of antique shops with whatever money you need to buy whatever you want...
maybe a day at home alone just enjoying your own company...
what is it that would be a luxury for you?
so now, i ask: is luxury all about money? expensive places and things? in some ways, yes...it takes money to buy some leisure activities...a day at the spa is not cheap...but luxury may be more about time, relationships, and experiences...
luxury is a condition of abundance, something that provides pleasure but is not absolutely necessary...a sumptuous environment...it may be a place in your home to spend quiet times with all your favorite things around you...time to enjoy the sunday paper...good health...personal strength...beautiful memories...an afternoon nap...sleeping late...one daisy in a blue bottle...all are luxuries...all are things that make life extra nice...that provide pleasure...little things that add up to luxury...
so is luxury something you can buy? not always...more often...luxury is making the most of what you have...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
faith and power...
talk to any christian who has been through a valley, a deep life trauma, and you will hear much the same thing: "i don't know how i did it, but somehow i made it through."
the resilience of the human spirit is amazing indeed...the recuperative response within each of us is so incredible that at times we surprise even ourselves...
there is no question that life is difficult and uncertain...in the blink of an eye, life can come crashing down around us like a rain of brimstone...whether these crises come at a bedside, a graveside, a roadside, or in a marriage, a relationship, an office, or a church setting...the results can leave us devastated...weak-kneed and shattered...
these are the moments faith is made of...the bible supports this...and i have seen it time after time in my own life and in others'...the more we need faith...the more faith we are given...the more we completely trust God...the deeper that trust grows...
faith and power are gifts that go hand in hand...and they come from the source of all power, the Holy Spirit...call it what you will...stamina, courage, tenacity, hanging on, resilience...it is that touch of divine miracle when we feel like we can't take another step...but then we do...we were somehow strengthened beyond our understanding to stand a little longer...to take one more move forward...or to go a little beyond the totally helpless feeling of being out of control...
what i know for sure is that God's gifts of faith and power are always adequate...no matter how desperate our situation has become...exhaustion, frustration, and tragedy may have us burdened down so that we despair of ever being free again...the pain may be unrelenting, the loss overwhelming, the loneliness damning...but God's power is great enough for our deepest desperation...
so as i come out of a very unexpected loss...what i know is that i can go on, i can pick up the pieces and start anew...i can face my fears...i can find peace in the rubble...i can have courage...and most of all...there is healing for my soul...
as i have taken one step...i am given the faith and the power to add another step...and another...
and in the process...growing along the way...
the resilience of the human spirit is amazing indeed...the recuperative response within each of us is so incredible that at times we surprise even ourselves...
there is no question that life is difficult and uncertain...in the blink of an eye, life can come crashing down around us like a rain of brimstone...whether these crises come at a bedside, a graveside, a roadside, or in a marriage, a relationship, an office, or a church setting...the results can leave us devastated...weak-kneed and shattered...
these are the moments faith is made of...the bible supports this...and i have seen it time after time in my own life and in others'...the more we need faith...the more faith we are given...the more we completely trust God...the deeper that trust grows...
faith and power are gifts that go hand in hand...and they come from the source of all power, the Holy Spirit...call it what you will...stamina, courage, tenacity, hanging on, resilience...it is that touch of divine miracle when we feel like we can't take another step...but then we do...we were somehow strengthened beyond our understanding to stand a little longer...to take one more move forward...or to go a little beyond the totally helpless feeling of being out of control...
what i know for sure is that God's gifts of faith and power are always adequate...no matter how desperate our situation has become...exhaustion, frustration, and tragedy may have us burdened down so that we despair of ever being free again...the pain may be unrelenting, the loss overwhelming, the loneliness damning...but God's power is great enough for our deepest desperation...
so as i come out of a very unexpected loss...what i know is that i can go on, i can pick up the pieces and start anew...i can face my fears...i can find peace in the rubble...i can have courage...and most of all...there is healing for my soul...
as i have taken one step...i am given the faith and the power to add another step...and another...
and in the process...growing along the way...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
street drilling...today??
last nite i went to sleep happily knowing that i had nothing going on this morning...and i would be able to sleep in...aahhhh...what a feeling...
woken up @ 1:50 am by disrespectful neighbors...who obviously have no clue that perhaps even though they are awake...the rest of the world is in slumberland...
but alas...i knew that i would eventually fall back asleep...and...i would be able to sleep in...aahhh...what a feeling...
this morning...my alarm didn't go off...because i didn't set it...but...today...of all days...street drilling commenced...on my street...very early morning...
ugh...ugh...ugh...
i have now been up for 3 hours...and the street drilling...well...there is no sign of it stopping anytime soon...i am finding it hard to concentrate...the drilling just continues...
so...not only am i annoyed that the one morning i wanted to sleep in...i couldn't...but also...the street drilling...just won't stop...
so...being a glass half full kinda gal...i'm reaching here...
at least we will have beautiful nice even sidewalks...
ok...i said i was reaching...
my head is pounding...i just want a little peace & quiet... =)
woken up @ 1:50 am by disrespectful neighbors...who obviously have no clue that perhaps even though they are awake...the rest of the world is in slumberland...
but alas...i knew that i would eventually fall back asleep...and...i would be able to sleep in...aahhh...what a feeling...
this morning...my alarm didn't go off...because i didn't set it...but...today...of all days...street drilling commenced...on my street...very early morning...
ugh...ugh...ugh...
i have now been up for 3 hours...and the street drilling...well...there is no sign of it stopping anytime soon...i am finding it hard to concentrate...the drilling just continues...
so...not only am i annoyed that the one morning i wanted to sleep in...i couldn't...but also...the street drilling...just won't stop...
so...being a glass half full kinda gal...i'm reaching here...
at least we will have beautiful nice even sidewalks...
ok...i said i was reaching...
my head is pounding...i just want a little peace & quiet... =)
Monday, August 17, 2009
in this season...
it is monday morning about 9 am...i have been up for 2 hours now...and i have not done a single thing...well...nothing productive...that is...i have had my two cups of coffee...perused facebook & twitter...what is wrong with me?
i have absolutely zilcho (word?) motivation...tonite in my networking group we are going over our 09 goals we each individually established 6 months ago...i just took a look at that list...not much i can cross off of it...i do not understand where my days go...i do not understand how i...a somewhat organized and determined woman...have been slipping and slipping into this melting pot of doing random things...and getting absolutely nothing accomplished...
my life just seems to be in this holding pattern...i do and do and do...and nothing gets done...i have my lists...and my updated lists...and the updated ones that update the previous...i am all listed out...something needs to change...
how did i get here? in the past year...i had two major blows that happened...one had nothing to do with the other...but somehow...they affected me in ways i can't explain...somehow they got me off kilter...and as much as i try and get back on track...i'm always at the cusp...and as the to-do lists grow...i feel more and more overwhelmed...and less and less motivated...
calgon take me away...
really...i need a lot more than calgon...i am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired...(i'm not sick...but it is in the saying)
i look back on this weekend...and it had such highs...and then such lows...i don't understand how i can be so happy and so sad at the same time...
i wish i could make sense of all my emotions...that run rampant...all over the place...
but for now...i will continue to run my race...with all my emotions...the happy and the sad...spilling over...there is a reason for this season...and although i do not understand all that it entails...i embrace it...because i know that it is but a season...
i have absolutely zilcho (word?) motivation...tonite in my networking group we are going over our 09 goals we each individually established 6 months ago...i just took a look at that list...not much i can cross off of it...i do not understand where my days go...i do not understand how i...a somewhat organized and determined woman...have been slipping and slipping into this melting pot of doing random things...and getting absolutely nothing accomplished...
my life just seems to be in this holding pattern...i do and do and do...and nothing gets done...i have my lists...and my updated lists...and the updated ones that update the previous...i am all listed out...something needs to change...
how did i get here? in the past year...i had two major blows that happened...one had nothing to do with the other...but somehow...they affected me in ways i can't explain...somehow they got me off kilter...and as much as i try and get back on track...i'm always at the cusp...and as the to-do lists grow...i feel more and more overwhelmed...and less and less motivated...
calgon take me away...
really...i need a lot more than calgon...i am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired...(i'm not sick...but it is in the saying)
i look back on this weekend...and it had such highs...and then such lows...i don't understand how i can be so happy and so sad at the same time...
i wish i could make sense of all my emotions...that run rampant...all over the place...
but for now...i will continue to run my race...with all my emotions...the happy and the sad...spilling over...there is a reason for this season...and although i do not understand all that it entails...i embrace it...because i know that it is but a season...
Friday, August 14, 2009
God & twitter...
i believe that God speaks to us constantly...we hear only if our hearts are open...sometimes i have wondered...was that God speaking to me? or just me thinking things through...i think one of the hardest things for me...has been distinguishing whether something i feel i need to do or say...is from the Lord...or just me thinking...to take a step of faith...when you are so unsure...requires a boldness that i sometimes lack...but He remains by my side...even when i don't feel Him close...
then there are those moments in life that God speaks so profoundly...so loudly...and you know that you know...just how real...and how awesome...and how loving He is...and that He is speaking directly to you...
i have had 4 such moments in my life...one was last week...
i was already in bed...and feeling very overwhelmed...not knowing what my next move should be...and frustrated...because i felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling of my bedroom and stopping...i just didn't feel God...couldn't hear Him from all the noise in my head...and felt like He wasn't there...although intellectually...i knew He was...my overwhelmed, frustrated, emotional side couldn't see it...and i cried out for Him to hear me...to give me some kind of assurance....not for quick remedies...but just to somehow know that He was hearing me...
the next day...i had already forgotten my prayer...busily going through my day...i took some time off to go on twitter...and chat with some of my twitter friends...
brief lesson in twitter: when someone copies and reposts what someone else wrote...it is called a re-tweet =)
so one of my twitter friends...caught my eye...not because she said something profound...but she had re-tweeted one of her friends...nothing uncommon here...but she never re-tweeted anyone...ever...so it got my curiosity...
here is what she re-tweeted:
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/22522-trust-in-me
i sat in my office chair...absolutely unable to move...it was as if someone had been in my room hearing word for word my prayer...my cry...every question i threw out to God the nite before was answered in this post...
coincidence? i think not...
it still overwhelms me...that God...with so much more going on that is bigger than my small woes...would love me enough...and deem it important enough to let me know in such a personal "just for me" moment...that He is listening...and He hears every word...and sees every tear...
and the best part...God is SO ahead of us...He even uses twitter to get my attention... =)
then there are those moments in life that God speaks so profoundly...so loudly...and you know that you know...just how real...and how awesome...and how loving He is...and that He is speaking directly to you...
i have had 4 such moments in my life...one was last week...
i was already in bed...and feeling very overwhelmed...not knowing what my next move should be...and frustrated...because i felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling of my bedroom and stopping...i just didn't feel God...couldn't hear Him from all the noise in my head...and felt like He wasn't there...although intellectually...i knew He was...my overwhelmed, frustrated, emotional side couldn't see it...and i cried out for Him to hear me...to give me some kind of assurance....not for quick remedies...but just to somehow know that He was hearing me...
the next day...i had already forgotten my prayer...busily going through my day...i took some time off to go on twitter...and chat with some of my twitter friends...
brief lesson in twitter: when someone copies and reposts what someone else wrote...it is called a re-tweet =)
so one of my twitter friends...caught my eye...not because she said something profound...but she had re-tweeted one of her friends...nothing uncommon here...but she never re-tweeted anyone...ever...so it got my curiosity...
here is what she re-tweeted:
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/22522-trust-in-me
i sat in my office chair...absolutely unable to move...it was as if someone had been in my room hearing word for word my prayer...my cry...every question i threw out to God the nite before was answered in this post...
coincidence? i think not...
it still overwhelms me...that God...with so much more going on that is bigger than my small woes...would love me enough...and deem it important enough to let me know in such a personal "just for me" moment...that He is listening...and He hears every word...and sees every tear...
and the best part...God is SO ahead of us...He even uses twitter to get my attention... =)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
my fair lady at stanford theatre...
one of my favorite things to do is to watch old movies...and the one place in town to go to for old movies is the stanford theatre...first opened in 1925...the stanford theatre became one of the premiere movie houses in palo alto...
a bit of trivia...more people saw "casablanca" here at its 50th anniversary in 1992 than anywhere else in america...
one of the treats waiting inside is that during intermission before and after the 7:30 show...you can hear the Wurlitzer Theatre Organ being played...at front of center stage...the floor opens up and slowly the organ comes up with the organist seated at position...
here is a pic of our nite's performance...
my other fave thing to do...is to share my fave's with those i love...especially if it is something new for them...so i was pleased when my sister-in-law and nieces were just as thrilled to go to see this magnificent theatre...but also...for the first time to see...
a bit of trivia...more people saw "casablanca" here at its 50th anniversary in 1992 than anywhere else in america...
one of the treats waiting inside is that during intermission before and after the 7:30 show...you can hear the Wurlitzer Theatre Organ being played...at front of center stage...the floor opens up and slowly the organ comes up with the organist seated at position...
here is a pic of our nite's performance...
notice the plush velvet curtains? divine!
my other fave thing to do...is to share my fave's with those i love...especially if it is something new for them...so i was pleased when my sister-in-law and nieces were just as thrilled to go to see this magnificent theatre...but also...for the first time to see...
audrey hepburn (love her!)
one of my all time favorite movies...we all had a terrific time...enjoyed the theatre...enjoyed the movie...(and all the fabulous outfits of eliza doolittle) and the quirky but fun songs...
the next day at a family get together...we were all singing our favorites...
the next day at a family get together...we were all singing our favorites...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
a tearful goodbye...
today my dad took my nieces and i out for lunch...being a lovely sunny day...we sat at an outside table at the fish market...conversation was great...lots of laughter...but underneath there was this underlying sadness...
my niece jessica takes off for school early tomorrow morning...and she is flying clear across the u.s. =(
there were a few references made by my niece during lunch...and a few times we looked at each other...and knew...we would most likely be in tears in a little while...but we seemed to hold it together throughout the lunch...
after lunch we took some goofy pics outside the restaurant...and as we walked back to the cars...i was surprisingly ok...and then i got my first hug...and as i held her tight and told her how proud of her i was...and how this was a great new big chapter in her life...i started tearing up...but i was still holding it together...
we laughed a little bit...and then came hug #2...more encouraging words...and then she looked at me...and said "i really enjoyed all the time we have spent together" and by this time...her and i were crying...and laughing...and semi holding it together...
as i got in my car...after 3 or 4 more hugs...i realized that she is now truly leaving...and although i know that we will probably talk a lot...on the phone, via fb...even skype...and i will most likely fly out to see her...the truth is...she won't be 5 minutes away...everything will need to be planned out...no more spontaneous days that we loved so much...
the most tender moment came...when i looked in my rear view mirror...and she was coming back to my car...crying...she needed one more hug...thank God! because i think i needed one more hug too...i got out of my car...and held her tight...i told her i loved her...
as a new chapter begins for her...i can only think how proud i am of the young lady she has become...and excited for her...for all the new adventures that await her...
i love you j!
my niece jessica takes off for school early tomorrow morning...and she is flying clear across the u.s. =(
there were a few references made by my niece during lunch...and a few times we looked at each other...and knew...we would most likely be in tears in a little while...but we seemed to hold it together throughout the lunch...
after lunch we took some goofy pics outside the restaurant...and as we walked back to the cars...i was surprisingly ok...and then i got my first hug...and as i held her tight and told her how proud of her i was...and how this was a great new big chapter in her life...i started tearing up...but i was still holding it together...
we laughed a little bit...and then came hug #2...more encouraging words...and then she looked at me...and said "i really enjoyed all the time we have spent together" and by this time...her and i were crying...and laughing...and semi holding it together...
as i got in my car...after 3 or 4 more hugs...i realized that she is now truly leaving...and although i know that we will probably talk a lot...on the phone, via fb...even skype...and i will most likely fly out to see her...the truth is...she won't be 5 minutes away...everything will need to be planned out...no more spontaneous days that we loved so much...
the most tender moment came...when i looked in my rear view mirror...and she was coming back to my car...crying...she needed one more hug...thank God! because i think i needed one more hug too...i got out of my car...and held her tight...i told her i loved her...
as a new chapter begins for her...i can only think how proud i am of the young lady she has become...and excited for her...for all the new adventures that await her...
i love you j!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
i've learned that...
one of my favorites...can never hear it enough...
I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”
I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Dr. Maya Angelou
I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”
I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Dr. Maya Angelou
Friday, August 7, 2009
making no sense...
so this last sunday...a body was found at the bovet shopping center...literally 4 blocks away...the man had been stabbed...right outside the gym he works out at...possibly sometime between 12:30am and 2am...he was 41 years old...
have to admit...i live in a fairly safe neignborhood...meaning that i really never feel in danger...even though i am always careful...you just don't really hear a lot of bad things happening in our quiet little town...so this had me a little uneasy...it just seems no place is safe anymore...
come to find out...now confirmed...this was a suicide...don't even get me started on how someone can stab themself...let alone kill themself...or even the fact that he still decided to work out first...but it was over financial hardship...the man sent a letter to his wife explaining...so now she is alone...with four kids...
so tragic...i really have such mixed emotions...these are truly hard times...and i think there are a lot of people that are truly truly struggling...and see no end in sight...and see this as the only option...my heart goes out to the family that is left...to wonder why...to wonder if there was something they could have done...to pick up the pieces...
to me...suicide is such a selfish act...and as i am writing this...my heart is torn...because i have not walked in this man's shoes...i don't know how bad his pain was...or the severity of his stress etc...but the family is left to deal with all the aftermath...all the unanswered questions...and all the financial stress...it didn't leave with him...it stays...if not the same...even more now...
so even though i am back to feeling safe in my neighborhood...my heart is heavy today...for all the hurting people...i know i can't save them...there is only one who can...but i can do my part...a reminder that the most simple kind gesture to a stranger...can be the one thing that helps a struggling stressful hurting one...
do your part...
have to admit...i live in a fairly safe neignborhood...meaning that i really never feel in danger...even though i am always careful...you just don't really hear a lot of bad things happening in our quiet little town...so this had me a little uneasy...it just seems no place is safe anymore...
come to find out...now confirmed...this was a suicide...don't even get me started on how someone can stab themself...let alone kill themself...or even the fact that he still decided to work out first...but it was over financial hardship...the man sent a letter to his wife explaining...so now she is alone...with four kids...
so tragic...i really have such mixed emotions...these are truly hard times...and i think there are a lot of people that are truly truly struggling...and see no end in sight...and see this as the only option...my heart goes out to the family that is left...to wonder why...to wonder if there was something they could have done...to pick up the pieces...
to me...suicide is such a selfish act...and as i am writing this...my heart is torn...because i have not walked in this man's shoes...i don't know how bad his pain was...or the severity of his stress etc...but the family is left to deal with all the aftermath...all the unanswered questions...and all the financial stress...it didn't leave with him...it stays...if not the same...even more now...
so even though i am back to feeling safe in my neighborhood...my heart is heavy today...for all the hurting people...i know i can't save them...there is only one who can...but i can do my part...a reminder that the most simple kind gesture to a stranger...can be the one thing that helps a struggling stressful hurting one...
do your part...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
getting rid of the clunker...
i am finally doing it...getting rid of the old clunker computer that resides in my office and takes up SO much room...
it has been seriously on its last leg for about a year...and i just couldn't get rid of it...not because i loved it so much...but because i had vital information on it...and i needed to get all that information before i discarded the clunker...
as the months went by...it got worse and worse...i couldn't save anything...the disc drive was completely gone...then the monitor died...so i couldn't even see any of my information anymore...
so today...i decided to call someone who i know and trust...and to ask if his company could help...
he assured me that he would be able to get my documents saved...and then remove everything from the hard drive...
i feel better...so tomorrow is the big appointment...need to bring it in...and have him do his magic...i am already imagining all the extra space on my desk...
i see the end in sight...just another item off my to-do list...
it has been seriously on its last leg for about a year...and i just couldn't get rid of it...not because i loved it so much...but because i had vital information on it...and i needed to get all that information before i discarded the clunker...
as the months went by...it got worse and worse...i couldn't save anything...the disc drive was completely gone...then the monitor died...so i couldn't even see any of my information anymore...
so today...i decided to call someone who i know and trust...and to ask if his company could help...
he assured me that he would be able to get my documents saved...and then remove everything from the hard drive...
i feel better...so tomorrow is the big appointment...need to bring it in...and have him do his magic...i am already imagining all the extra space on my desk...
i see the end in sight...just another item off my to-do list...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
my cat...a vintage lover?
my two cats...chester & sasha...are...well...pretty spoiled...
one area that is not lacking...is where they can sleep...of course...i would like to keep them off my chairs...as most of them are vintage...so to help in this matter...i have bought them cute little cat beds...
they have cute little beds that they each can call their own...in leopard print...usually situated by the sliding glass door...they are indoor cats...so peeking out the glass doors is kinda like their own soap opera...a daily watch of the happenings outside in the cold cruel world...
can they be any cuter??
then they have the huge cat bed (i call it the california king size cat bed)...this is for when they are getting along and want to sleep together...
awww...
the problem...of course...is that it is a vintage chair...not something i want cat hair on...
but then i think...my cat must be a vintage lover...just like me...
perfect fit...Tuesday, August 4, 2009
goodbye j...
a good friend and client lost her husband last week...
after a 10 day alaskan cruise...they came back...he wasn't feeling well...was admitted to the hospital for overnite observation...the next day he was being whisked away in an ambulance to another hospital...
i was calling my friend every other day just to check in on her...and her husband...who had also become a good friend of mine...we had many wonderful evenings together over home cooked hungarian meals...
he called me his girlfriend...he would say i was the only one that he could get away with calling me that...because his wife adored me so much...
then the last call...she answered the phone...i asked how he was doing...and she muttered the words..."he past away an hour ago"
i hate that death reminds you of life...and not to "sweat the small stuff"
i mean...that should be a given...but it isn't until death...that you really start thinking about life...your time on earth...and how you are spending it...
i tend to think that i do live my life to the fullest...but i still...in time of someone leaving...reflect...and realize that even now...there are those things that need changing...or thoughts that need re-arranging...priorities that need to be shifted...
because in the big scheme of things...i want to be remembered as a person who was there for her friends and family...not so consumed with her own dreams and desires...
nothing wrong with having dreams and desires...but not living...because you somehow feel life has dealt you a bad deck of cards...whether for a day...or a week...or a season...life is what you make it...
are you living to its fullest?
after a 10 day alaskan cruise...they came back...he wasn't feeling well...was admitted to the hospital for overnite observation...the next day he was being whisked away in an ambulance to another hospital...
i was calling my friend every other day just to check in on her...and her husband...who had also become a good friend of mine...we had many wonderful evenings together over home cooked hungarian meals...
he called me his girlfriend...he would say i was the only one that he could get away with calling me that...because his wife adored me so much...
then the last call...she answered the phone...i asked how he was doing...and she muttered the words..."he past away an hour ago"
i hate that death reminds you of life...and not to "sweat the small stuff"
i mean...that should be a given...but it isn't until death...that you really start thinking about life...your time on earth...and how you are spending it...
i tend to think that i do live my life to the fullest...but i still...in time of someone leaving...reflect...and realize that even now...there are those things that need changing...or thoughts that need re-arranging...priorities that need to be shifted...
because in the big scheme of things...i want to be remembered as a person who was there for her friends and family...not so consumed with her own dreams and desires...
nothing wrong with having dreams and desires...but not living...because you somehow feel life has dealt you a bad deck of cards...whether for a day...or a week...or a season...life is what you make it...
are you living to its fullest?
Monday, August 3, 2009
a nite of nothing...
finally home...and able to relax...aaahhhh...
its been non stop for the most part...between appointments for the fall trunk show...parties to attend...dinner with friends...phone call catch-up's...(is that a word?) keeping in contact with a close friend who just lost her husband...cleaning in between...
i couldn't wait to get home today...because i knew that it was going to be a "nothing" evening...meaning...that i will probably...most likely...plop myself in front of the television...and watch mindless tv...till it is time to call it a nite...
and i have to say...i am pretty excited about it...
my life lately has been rather full of many events...and as much as i really love that...i come to a point where i just crave an evening of nothingness...no phone, no conversation, no email...just my couch...
tomorrow will be back to my to-do's...but for now...i will pleasantly sit in the stillness...and relish the moment...
its been non stop for the most part...between appointments for the fall trunk show...parties to attend...dinner with friends...phone call catch-up's...(is that a word?) keeping in contact with a close friend who just lost her husband...cleaning in between...
i couldn't wait to get home today...because i knew that it was going to be a "nothing" evening...meaning...that i will probably...most likely...plop myself in front of the television...and watch mindless tv...till it is time to call it a nite...
and i have to say...i am pretty excited about it...
my life lately has been rather full of many events...and as much as i really love that...i come to a point where i just crave an evening of nothingness...no phone, no conversation, no email...just my couch...
tomorrow will be back to my to-do's...but for now...i will pleasantly sit in the stillness...and relish the moment...
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