it is monday morning about 9 am...i have been up for 2 hours now...and i have not done a single thing...well...nothing productive...that is...i have had my two cups of coffee...perused facebook & twitter...what is wrong with me?
i have absolutely zilcho (word?) motivation...tonite in my networking group we are going over our 09 goals we each individually established 6 months ago...i just took a look at that list...not much i can cross off of it...i do not understand where my days go...i do not understand how i...a somewhat organized and determined woman...have been slipping and slipping into this melting pot of doing random things...and getting absolutely nothing accomplished...
my life just seems to be in this holding pattern...i do and do and do...and nothing gets done...i have my lists...and my updated lists...and the updated ones that update the previous...i am all listed out...something needs to change...
how did i get here? in the past year...i had two major blows that happened...one had nothing to do with the other...but somehow...they affected me in ways i can't explain...somehow they got me off kilter...and as much as i try and get back on track...i'm always at the cusp...and as the to-do lists grow...i feel more and more overwhelmed...and less and less motivated...
calgon take me away...
really...i need a lot more than calgon...i am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired...(i'm not sick...but it is in the saying)
i look back on this weekend...and it had such highs...and then such lows...i don't understand how i can be so happy and so sad at the same time...
i wish i could make sense of all my emotions...that run rampant...all over the place...
but for now...i will continue to run my race...with all my emotions...the happy and the sad...spilling over...there is a reason for this season...and although i do not understand all that it entails...i embrace it...because i know that it is but a season...
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