a couple of times i have had the misfortune to be sitting before my computer screen...diligently working on a document...when the network jams and the screen goes blank...i sit there in horror and disbelief...staring at that blank screen...thinking that surely i'm dreaming...and...in just a moment...the words will reappear...but no, the document is gone...and since i had not remembered to save it...the document is gone to the obscure land of lost computer words...
sometimes i have had that same experience with prayer...when everything is going great...no trouble, no crisis...praying is easy...God seems to be sitting right there with me...and we can commune as friend with friend...
but there have been times when such a heavy crisis loomed over my life that my prayer screen seemed to go dark...the blank screen looked back at me in mockery...how frightening! i would feel so very alone and empty...i would try to reach out to God...but it felt like there was no one there...my fear and desperation seemed to short-circuit the prayer connection...and just when i needed God the most...i couldn't find Him...
i don't have a good explanation for why this happens...i think it is because the storm is just crashing so loudly that it drowns out all communication...
so, what to do? feeling cut off from our power source is a huge crisis for a christian...how can we get to God? i suspect that each christian who has faced this crisis has a plan...but i can share my plan and say that this is what works for me...
when my heart is breaking and the darkness surrounds my thoughts, i simply have to wait in silence...never before has psalm 46:10 meant so much to me as it does in this situation..."be still, and know that i am God." God already knows my heart, my pain, and my prayer...the Spirit has seen to that...so what i can do is be still...i must sit still in the presence of God, whether i can feel Him there or not...
i think that apostle paul had this same problem in mind when he wrote about it in romans...
in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what we ought to pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express...and he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. 8:26-27
what an encouraging promise...to know that God's spirit broods over our desolation when we cannot pray and responds with understanding and power until we can pray again...just sit still in the presence of God...no words are necessary...
the second realization that gives me courage during these kinds of times is this: when i find i cannot pray...i can live in trust...despite the desolation i experience and the desperation that overwhelms me...i can remember other days when things have been different...i try to think about the times when i felt the very nearness of God...when my spirit soared as i walked with the Lord...and, remembering those times, i affirm those peak moments with trust...i try to focus and reclaim the certainties that once centered my faith...knowing that the Spirit is praying for me the prayer that i cannot pray for myself...
then one day the wonderful moment comes when the storm clouds begin to roll away...when the darkness is once again, slowly, replaced by light...and God's presence breaks through within me again...the Spirit helped me in my weakness and in my darkness...it is a gift...
with all my heart...i believe that the prayers of silence can be the most powerful prayers of all...just "be still, and know"...and the Spirit does the rest...
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