returning to Him...

i've been spending some time reading the story of moses...somehow...i am relating to his story as of late...when you know that what you are doing is the will of the Lord...but things are still somehow...not falling into place...or i should say...falling into the place that I think they should be...which we all know...is the problem...the minute we start thinking or analyzing what WE think God should be doing... =)

so i read in exodus this morning about moses in the midst of a very discouraging situation...after years of mistakes...lessons in the desert and insecurity in his speaking skills...he had finally done exactly what the Lord said...he had gone to pharaoh and said..."let my people go..." surely now all the pieces would fall into place...he was at the right time and place...and he had obeyed what the Lord had told him...moses was about to learn a lesson that many of us are facing...the blessings that follow doing God's will are not always the ones we expect...

he may have expected pharaoh to get a thoughtful look and say..."of course you can go, moses...i know that God is leading you...and we just need to do what He says..." but we know that's not what happened...not only did pharaoh mock God...but he doled out even harsher treatment to the israelites by forcing them to continue to make bricks without the provision of straw...the people were outraged...and they turned on moses...how discouraging...right? things weren't going at all the way moses had imagined...now that he was on track with God and walking in obedience...life was supposed to get easier...or so we expect..

all the lessons moses had learned in the desert shepherding for 40 years served him well now...we see that despite his disappointment...he turned to God in prayer...it was a distressed prayer...but it was real and heart-felt...when he faced an indignant pharaoh and his angry people...moses returned to God and poured out his heart...

exodus 5:22-23 tells us..."moses returned to the Lord and said, ‘o Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? is this why you sent me? ever since i went to pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all.'"

when moses returned to the Lord with the pain that he was feeling...the disappointment in his circumstances...and the confusion about his calling...God met him there...God didn't respond to moses with anger or rebuke...He answered with a glimpse into future freedom and a rousing message for His people straight from the very heart of God...moses' struggles didn't end there...but God had given him the encouragement that he needed to forge on toward the calling...

fast forward to later on in the day...tears stung my eyes and my heart ached as i climbed into my car...my emotions swung wildly from assurance that i had said the right things...to doubt in the stance that i had taken...i felt spiritually responsible to verbalize my own convictions...my first response was to pull out my cell phone to call a friend for some consolation and advice...it was then that the lesson i had learned from the bible earlier that day pushed its way to the front of my anxious mind...

in the car...i set my cell phone down...closed my eyes and bowed my head....i poured out my confusion and disappointment to God...and He met me there...my emotions settled...my mind found rest and God's peace poured over me...you see...He is good...doing God's will is rarely easy...and the blessings of growth may come wrapped in pain...however...we will find Him to be faithful and His word sufficient when we return to Him...

what i believe...is that doing His will and following Him is its own reward...even though the way may get bumpy as we obey...He is always with us...He is faithful to reassure us and encourage us when we come from the places that our own thoughts take us and return to Him...