being stuck...

a few nite's ago i sat and pondered upon the new year...here i was...5 or 6 days into it...and nothing had radically changed...

now don't get me wrong...i am a realist (for the most part)...but in my head...i somehow thought...that the turn of the new year would somehow make me feel different...

i didn't go into the new year with grand new years resolutions...honestly...i just don't really get that...for me at least...it seems to work for others...but for me...well...there is the making of the resolutions...the stress of the resolution...and then the breaking of the resolution...

i'd rather not...

but this year...for some reason...i did feel a sense of relief to put the old year behind me...something in hearing myself say "a new year" made me think of a new beginning...

truth be told...a new beginning started a few months ago...and although i knew that intellectually...somehow i...deep down inside...wanted more...a little more...

not sure what that "more" consisted of...but i guess i was looking for something that made this year seem different...boy is that a lot of pressure to put on the changing of a year...in the first week!

things were not being done...it was as if i was stuck...

the christmas decor needed to come down...and yet...even though i woke up each day...telling myself i was going to do it...i didn't...i pushed it off to "tomorrow"...

with the looming recycle day coming soon...i needed to at least get the tree out...

so last nite...as i really started evaluating the mode i was in...i was able to at least acknowledge to myself that i was "stuck" and not able to move forward...and not wanting to go back...

what i found was that i needed to make that difference...and so i started...

baby steps...

this morning started with a coffee meeting with a potential client...it now seems that i may have her and her husband as a client...and the more we talked...the more we strategized...she was offering up many new doors for my business...

but i had to make that first step...the first step of calling her...setting up a meeting...actually getting dressed...getting out and promoting myself...

then i came home...took down the tree...hauled it out to the street...

and it is done...

those two tasks...somehow spurred something in me...my cousin had said to me this morning..."just do it...you will feel better afterwards..."

she was right...

i'm not quite sure why sometimes we get "stuck"...but it is a reality...for me...i am learning to recognize it a lot sooner...and work through it...

bottom line for me is that i know there is a big wonderful world for me to live in...and i cheat myself...when i am not living it to the fullest...

there are still a few tiny adjustments i need to make to fully move forward...and those are on the top of my list...