looking back over 100 posts...

shhh.....wait for it...

hmmm...

nothing happened...

today is my 100th post...no fanfare...no balloons...no nothing.... ;o)

ok...all kidding aside...i wasn't "expecting" it...

when i logged in this morning and saw that i had 99 posts...my first thought was...dang...i talk alot...

instead of writing i decided to go back and look over what i had written...i'd forgotten alot of the posts...some made me smile...some made me laugh...some made me think about other things...

without ever realizing...until this morning...after my fiasco with my prayer journal...this has become another barometer for me...my thoughts...my growth...my struggles...my triumphs...
how cool is that??

i remember when i started this blog...i seriously wondered if i would have enough in me to write...if anyone would read...what were my true reasons for starting it?

looking back...it amazes me how therapuetic it has been...but also...it has been amazing how my struggles...my triumphs...my loss...my joy...has helped others along the way...

just when i think...why am i writing this?
i get a comment...sometimes from a stranger...thanking me...
or an email...from someone who wanted to share personally what my post meant to them...
or "permission" to share my post with others...

how encouraging they have been...it has helped me be open...more open with what i am feeling...

i want to be a healthy open book...not share everything and anything to anyone...but not to give pat answers...not to pretend things are ok...when they may not be...not to hide excitement for something that some may think is strange...
you know what i mean...when asked how are you? you answer the "normal" response...fine fine...when deep inside...you are dying...

i guess the right word would be authentic...i want and strive to be an authentic person...

if things aren't great...i need to say so...how can others pray or somehow help? if they do not know...

if things are wonderful...i need to say so...it may be encouragement for someone...who needs to believe that things get better...

all in all...what it all boils down to ...is that no matter where i am in my life...the ONE thing that is constant...the ONE thing that never changes...is my Lord and Savior...

He is there...even when i've pushed Him off to the side...
He is there...when i'm crying a river of tears...
He is there...when i am celebrating blessings...
He is there...He is there...He is there...

if there is one theme that is picked up from my blog...may it be the awesome God i serve...

may i continue to write what i'm feeling...what i'm learning...
the good...the bad...and the ugly...;o)