why i left...

the last few days have been consumed with some major...and i mean major cleaning...along the way...i have come across some interesting things...in files, boxes...what have you...one stopped me dead in my tracks...it was a letter written to my ex...in reading it...i started crying...not because he was gone...but because of how much i had grown since leaving him...and the painful steps it took to get me here...

i remember years of abuse...verbal abuse...my excuse was...that he never hit me...but his words...well...they cut through me...on many occasions...when i look back...i am proud of the woman i am today...and what it took for me to leave that situation...and regain my strength...

it didn't happen overnite...i'm sad to say...and there were many times i went back...what i learned is that the tie that a man may have over a woman is often so binding that he can insult and mistreat her...and she seems helplessly enslaved to him...many women will tolerate all kinds of abuse and they won't understand why...

it took meeting another man for me to start seeing that things were way off between us...but even then...i waffled..and went back to him...not because of the way he made me feel...but because i had invested so much time...so many years...and deep down inside...maybe i wasn't ready to admit...how wrong i had been about this man...

my friends didn't understand it...and honestly...i didn't either...

today...i can say...i am free of this man...and the ties that held me to him...i know that i know....that i will never be back in a situation like that...

i decided to share the letter...i am not quite sure why...for me...it is a reminder of how free i am today...for someone else...well...i would like to think...if one person reading it...is prompted to make a move...then my personal thoughts displayed for anyone to read...well it would be worth it...

today i know...that i choose...whether to give up at the first obstacle or give it my all...to speak up or stay silent...to change what i don't like or let it change me...with every word...every step i take...it defines who i am...and creates my future...

"why i left you"
i saw you the other day at that place downtown near the arch...you know the one...we used to eat fish there...i never really liked the place...but we ate there anyway...you looked good, you know...i was glad...it's been a while since we split...and i hope you don't mind if i tell you that it will please me very, very much if you turn your face forward now and don't look back...it's going to be tough for you to do so, though...i peeked into your angry eyes...at all the darkness and hurt that's still in there after all this time...and i knew...

you still don't understand why it was that i took off in the first place, why i had to, what it would have meant for me if i did not...you don't see your part in all that happened, either, not at all, nor any of the reasoning or feeling that drove me to do what i did...

all you see is my fault...
that's easy, of course...it's so obvious...

yet if i know anything, know this, my former boyfriend and friend...you've got to understand more than you do right now if you're ever going to get over to the other side, to the place where there is light and heat and a fresh sunrise every day...and i want you to...

but i can't really tell you...you know...not straight out, face-to-face, like i should...we'll fight again, and then the darkness will set in on both of us...me, i never want to live in that place again...instead, i'll write it to you here, for both of us...because part of me will never truly be happy until you are again...

so please, listen...

i left because when the wind blew in the trees, it blew cold and rattled in my bones...and when i turned to you for warmth, i found too little...perhaps i didn't turn the right way; maybe i should have done that differently too...but in the end...some crucial part of me went off on its own...searching...searching...

i left because of so many things...i remember how i loved how clean your house always was...your place was clean and warm...boy, i thought...that's the way to live...years and years later...that house became about "take off your shoes when you come into the house." all your beautiful cars...your pride and joy...turned into me needing to watch how i sat in them...where i stepped...i couldn't enjoy your toys...you wouldn't let me...and i know it's unfair to find intolerable in a person the very things we found admirable in them...but of course, that's exactly what we do...

i left because you didn't allow me to be me...you praised me when i did things the way you felt i should do them...but only then...i wanted to be able to screw things up if i must...to touch things...move them around a bit...to dream a bit...in the end, it came to feel like it was your way...and only your way...yes, i know. it's unfair. i should have talked with you about it instead of seething, and yearning. but...wait...i did...you just didn't listen...

i left because if we talked about it, you'd maintain your position staunchly and finally convince me that i was being ridiculous, or vain, or selfish, or foolish, or mean, or whatever you needed to say to win the fight...

i left because you were a better fighter that i was and very early on in our relationship, it became very clear to me that it didn't pay to fight you, that i would only lose, even if i was in the right, so i stopped fighting and began conducting my warfare in a much less straightforward manner - behind your back; even, in a way, behind my own back...

i left because there developed, without my really knowing it was happening, a kernel of resentment, alienation, and loneliness that sat inside me always as i moved through my daily life, working, talking with people, and always searching, searching, in secret, for something else, some other life, some other road to a kind of happiness that i thought, perhaps, might exist for some lucky others, wondering why that could not be me, or if...even more terrifying...it could!

i left because i was not the woman you wanted...not really...otherwise you would not have tried to change everything about me...

i left because when i saw two people kissing on a city street, it hurt me...fools, i thought...kissing out in public like that...when deep down inside...i was envious...

i left because i could not stay and live...

i left because i was dying...not metaphorically...i saw myself on a train platform, one hand clutching my left arm...or was it my right? it doesn't matter...the image haunted me persistently...now it's gone...today when i think about my end of days, i see myself at the age of 90...a shriveled bean...walking on the beach somewhere...the sun is setting...i am happy and looking forward to dinner...

i left because there is no other life than this one that we are given...and to live it as if it belonged to somone else...no matter how beloved...is wrong...

i left because you would not change that deep part of you that none of us can change, the one of who we are, the part that dreams at nite, that needs to order the world in a certain way...i don't blame you for that...it's very hard, and part of you has to die in order for it to happen...i know you will say i never really gave you the chance...that may be true...it feels to me like i gave you the chance every day for a long, long time...

i left because that part of me that was unmoored was an unmanageable beast...roving like a predator through the world, hunting for something to feed itself...i could never understand it...now i know that it was my heart...

i left because i was faithful to you and did not feed that thing inside me until it would not be satisfied with anything but true love...

and yes...i left you because my whole, hungry heart was available when the right person came along...at the right time...and i found that person who saw me not as a girlfriend to be managed, but as a woman...not even as a woman, no, but as a wondrous being of infinite interest and worth who liked the way my skin felt when he touched it...he touched it absently, without knowing he was doing so...with the tip of his finger on my face...or the back of my arm...not for any purpose except that something inside of him felt good when he did so...and something about that moved me so much that i literally felt the disconnecting, roving, ravenous thing inside me turn over on its back and, for the first time, meld into the rest of me...

i left because you did not really love me...no, no, not really...i know that now...and that's all right...but not really...

i didn't do it well, i know...i didn't leave the way one is supposed to, by talking things out and fighting fights that should perhaps have been fought long ago...or rekindling that which should have never been unkindled, or fessing up...or leaving everybody their dignity...actually...come to think of it...i did do that...so many times...but you called me crazy...for thinking what i was thinking...and in the end...i lied...i went behind your back...i held myself apart and pursued my own destiny, as i had been doing for years...couldn't you see that?

and so now i will say what i have to say once more, not for the first time, but perhaps for the last time...i'm sorry...i wish a lot of things...but i don't and can't unwish my happiness...no, maybe not that; i can't unwish my chance for happiness, at life, at a true life where not part of me is left to wander and wonder and crave some mysterious thing it does not have...

if i really think about it...i left you...not because of what you did to me...over and over...but the things it didn't occur to you to do...

i left you because i had to...and now? now you must leave me...not in hate, not in anger, not even in regret...leave me for the life you should be living, with somebody whose heart you wholy own and who owns yours...maybe then you and i can reclaim our memories...we have, after all, so many...and in spite of why i left...they remain sweet to me...

those i will never leave behind...

list of syndromes...

i think it is a strange combination of hype and hilarity that we now seem to have a name for every possible and apparently otherwise indefinable condition of man...we no longer have diseases...we have "syndromes"...and while not wanting to diminish the seriousness of any particular disorder, i thought i might go over just a few of the more obscure ones i've run across lately...lest you should find yourself in a wellness conversation and be at a loss for words, or letters, as the case may be...and perhaps...in doing so...we can discover the exact subset for what's ailing you...dear reader...

personally...i find myself suffering from something called the NIP syndrome - no idea for a piece...it affects me every once in a while...and so far has not responded to any known medications i have on hand...aspirin, chocolate, or sleep...i would like to "nip" it in the bud...so to speak...with a strong stimulant of some kind...but with the very thought that my daily deadline draws near...a sense of ennui overcomes me and i slip into an almost dreamlike state...like fog on a windshield with no wipers at hand...this particular syndrome is common to essayists, authors, editors, and high school students...

in reasearching my particular problem...i came across some other interesting ones that may help you define some of your heretofore undiagnosed maladies...i found one called "occupational overuse syndrome (oss) typified by numerous body disorders like calluses, tennis elbow, etc. (i'm not making this up.) there's another called the locked-in syndrome (lis), which manifests itself by a paralysis of all voluntary muscles - not symptomatic of a bank employee, as you might suppose...who accidentally locks himself in the vault...

i must admit a certain degree of intrigue with one called the leopard syndrome (ls). at first i thought this might be what my friend margaret & i suffer from with our insatiable quest for animal-print clothing...but...au contrair...it has something to do with abnormalities of the skin, skeletal, and cardiovascular systems...how wild is that?

the alice in wonderland syndrome (aws) is another interesting one having to do with the problem of discerning people and objects subtantially smaller than you are...i've met some people who have a habit of looking down on others...i wonder if that qualifies?

there's another called the prune belly syndrome (pbs) and...contrary to what you might initially think...it has to do with the urinary tract...it doesn't sound good wherever it manifests itself...

one that i found particularly amusing is called the jerusalem syndrome (js). this describes the phenomenon whereby a person who seems previously balanced and devoid of any signs of psychopathology becomes psychotic after arriving in jerusalem...i generally refer to them as terrorists...but then what do i know?

i thought the wild smiles syndrome (wss) carried a certain panache, and i was wondering if i could have it...i like the idea of a wide smile...syndrome or not...turns out, though...that it has something to do with clefts - paletes, lips, etc. and you might think constriction band syndrome (cbs) would be the result of wearing your belt too tight...but no...it's somehow related to the ever popular and previously mentioned wide smiles syndrome...also, you might want to look up, on your own...the nutcracker syndrome (ns). the picture that comes to mind is not a pretty one and probably not suitable for discussion in a blog written by a nice girl... ;-)

the endless list of syndromes is impressive...you probably haven't had a single twitch that hasn't been given a syndromatic name (i made that word up). i even read about the 3m syndrome...which i thought might have to do with running out of scotch tape or post-it notes...it is, of course...related to dwarfism, as any fool knows...actually...only 32 people in the world have ever been reported to have 3m syndrome...and yet...well..and yet...it has its very own name...which really begs the question..."how many people have to be afflicted with any particular disorder before it becomes a full-fledged syndrome?"

without even getting into restless legs syndrome (rls), irritable bowel syndrome (ibs), or multiple breast syndrome (oddly enough, most prevalent in males), one begins to see that there has never really been an undocumented thought from our crack group of medical wizards that didn't end up initialized...coming up with names must be what docs do for recreation...

i wonder if that's what they are doing at all those medical meetings...hmmm.....

as for me...looks like i got my "no idea for a piece" syndrome under control..

coloring outside the lines...

sitting in a starbucks the other day...i heard something that absolutely broke my heart...

a child was sitting with a grown man...the child was about 5 years old or so...the man...an adult...if you could call him that...not sure if it was the father of the child...but i am assuming so...i actually hope that it wasn't...

the child was coloring...almost done...the child with such pride...picked up the picture to show the adult male the fabulous picture that was being created before his eyes...

the adult male responded "you can't draw outside the lines," he said. "leaves are green, and you don't make happy faces on the sun."

are you kidding me??

i had to do everything in my power not to walk over to this man and slap him...

the child looked so rejected...so lost...so unsure...i could see the once happy face turn instantly to sadness...what could possibly possess an adult to take all the life out of a picture perfect moment? why would this child possibly want to try again?

i have always strived to be unique...but also...i have always strived to encourage uniqueness...why be like everyone else? who says you need to color within the lines?

take my nieces for example...they are sisters...but as different from each other as nite is to day...but i love that...i love that they don't try to be alike...i love that their parents have strived to encourage them with their own unique strengths and talents that they have...

they dress differently...they have complete polar opposite personalities...they have different hobbies...what a great way to be...your own unique self...

i think sometimes...people get so set in their ways...they think they need to be a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way...because it is what is expected...or because it is the "norm"...who created the "norm" anyway? what is normal?

why be predictable? personally...i think it's a lot more fun to be mysterious...a little...unpredictable...

normal is boring...unique...is...well...different...

why not be the best you can be? meaning...be the best "you" that you can be...not who someone else thinks you should be...

the little boy in starbucks walked over to get some napkins...right by me...i leaned over to him and said..."i saw your picture...i think it is pretty cool"

as his smile grew...he sauntered back to his table...pulled out a new sheet of paper...and started on his next creation...who knows...he could be the next picasso!

fitting 101...

there are times when my job brings me a lot of pleasure...this week was one of those times...

as the mid-peninsula republican women's federation fundraiser is quickly approaching...my job is getting more frantic...it is a volunteer position, of course...but very time consuming...

our fundraiser this year is a fashion show & silent auction...i was asked to be on the committee to work with the "fashion" aspect...what this entails is...finding the models, fitting them, and making sure that everything is set for the big show next month...

models have been found...and this week the fittings began...

it still amazes me at times how some women become so set in their ways...hearing that at one time...something may have looked great on them...and they stay in that "look" years later...
or the women that are afraid to try something new...

as i talked to these women...many of them had fears...and i reassured each of them that i would make them look their best...as the fittings began...i watched as the women gravitated to what they were "used" to wearing...as i struggled at times to put them in new colors, new styles, new looks...

they were stubborn...but...i am pretty firm...because i know that in the end...if i could just get them in the right outfits...they would see it & more importantly...feel different...

one by one...they came in...and gave me excuses as to why an outfit would or would not work...and one by one...i told them..."just try it on"...as they timidly walked into the dressing rooms...the transformations began...

one by one...they came out of the dressing room...and you could see it on their faces...as they looked at themselves in the full length mirror...

clothes are incredible when used properly...they are able to make one look more vibrant, thinner, taller...the list is endless...if you know how to work the clothes...

the best feeling is hearing your clients tell you how incredible they feel...and isn't that what it is all about? clothes should do that for you...not some of the time...but all of the time...

half the women have been fitted...they feel good in the the outfits picked out for them...and because they feel good...i know that they will be strutting down the runway...with confidence...

the 24 interludes of life...

yes...i keep a lot of stuff that has touched me at one time or another...and every once in a while...i like to share them...

i do not know where i got this...but..again...it is one of those things that you read...and just serves as a reminder...of what is important...

the 24 interludes of life...

1. don't go for looks, it can deceive; don't go for wealth - even that fades away. go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright.
hope you find that person...

2. there are moments in life when you really miss someone so much that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
hope you dream of that someone...

3. dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be; because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life...

4. may you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy, and enough money to buy gifts...

5. when one door of happiness closes, another opens but often we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has opened for us...

6. the best kind of friend is the one you can sit on a porch swing, never saying a word, and then walk away feeling that was the best conversation you ever had...

7. it's true we don't know what we've got until we lose it...but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives...

8. always put yourself in another's shoes...if you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt that person too...

9. a careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless...

10. the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them with our own image, otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them...

11. the happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way...

12. maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally do meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift...

13. it takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone...

14. happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried...for only they can appreciated the importance of people who have touched their lives...

15. love is when you take the feeling, the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person...

16. a sad thing about life is that sometimes you meet that someone who means a lot to you to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go...

17. love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear...

18. love comes to those who still have hope even though they've been disappointed; to those who still believe even though they have been betrayed; to those who still need love even though they have been hurt before...

19. it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel...

20. the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches...

21. never say goodbye when you still want to try; never give up when you still feel you can take it; never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go...

22. giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back...don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts; but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours...

23. there are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart...

24. when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling...live your life so when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying...

simple life...simple pleasures...

every nite before i go to sleep...i say my prayers...not on my knees on the edge of the bed as i did as a child...but lying there on my back in bed in a darkened room...and since i say them silently...i try to move my lips ever so slightly...just in case God is watching... ;o)

i have much to be thankful for...and so i try to remind myself of this every nite by thanking Him...i have an amazing family...and extended family and a big group of friends that i absolutely adore...i also always say thank you for where, when, and how i grew up...often, this last little thought will send me trailing off into the winding road of reverie and i will get altogether sidetracked piecing together parts of my childhood and my life...

my parents immigrated to the united states for the sole purpose of a better life for the children that they would one day have...and although my life was wonderful...my parents always instilled in me a sense of the world around me...how others lived...and to be thankful for everything that i have...

so here it comes...me going into another tangent... ;o) please bear with me...

despite the statistics that show america having a substantially higher standard of living than other countries...i'm not sure the numbers tell the whole story...

i have been fortunate to visit argentina where my family is from...several times...as well as many other beautiful countries in this beautiful world...and from it...i saw an america that i love that was a bit disillusioning and disappointing to me...while other countries were revealing and inspirational...

i have seen...to be blunt...that a soulless capitalism is turning us into an indistinguishable crowd of superficial materialists...our goals of endless consumption...our fascination with shallow humans and their crass endeavors...our insatiable desire to own more at cheaper prices...and our sense that materialism is the sole total of success...are false goals that are having the opposite affect on the quality of our lives than we had intended...we are so close to this dangerous and illusive mountain of shallow consumption that we cannot see that there is no way down yet nothing awaiting us at the top...

we americans - and of course, these are generalizations although i include myself without hesitation...can't seem to stop consuming...whether it is food, trends, or products...we always need more...as a result...we are fat, lazy, and depressed...places like italy, france, south america and so many others..do not have an over abundance of overweight people...they socialize in their towns by walking about and seeing one another...they don't just sit in their chairs watching entertainment tonight...

and whatever we need...from food to toys...we seem to lust for more...so costco gives us 20 pound bags of tortilla chips to eat while we are watching one of our five televisions...in other countries...the focus is on eating well rather than eating more...on interacting with their community rather than shutting themselves up in their homes...and in supporting their small locally owned stores rather than shopping in faceless, national megastores...

we are obsessed with the pitiful icons of our society who are wrapped in the self-destruction of their lives...instead of reading books, we read celebrity magazines about out-of-control, arrogant, uncaring idiots...we follow their lives and forget to examine our own...we focus on their six marriages rather than focusing on our own children, our spouses, our family and friends...

we learn from them that there is no shame in being 16 and pregnant or of dumping your spouse after one month of marriage...in general...as we look up to these celebrities...we debase ourselves...as they show us that anything and everything is okay...we lower our standards and moral and ethical codes...

for many americans...shopping and buying are their sole pursuit and source of happiness...too many of us have come to believe that "more" is always better...we have fallen into the trap of quantity over quality...this analogy follows us through our daily shopping: bigger plates of food...more pairs of shoes... (i can't believe i just wrote that!) increased number of toys for the children...and well...frankly for the adults...and yet...we must have the lowest price for each good or item...and so...our obsession with chinese-made products...cheap, poorly made but plentiful...may solve our desire to own as much as possible in the short run...but likely...will not help us find fulfillment in the long term...

in many countries...there seem to be fewer of everything...but of higher quality and greater appreciation...there are beautiful small stores with the owners on hand to help you...but nary a "big box" store do you see...people actually buy fresh vegetables, and meat, and wine for that very day rather than take away cheap huge loads of costco goods...you do not see a lot of "made in china" tags in italy, france or south america...they actually make most of their own goods! and what a joy it was to go into a shop and be able to be pleasantly helped rather than walking the concrete floors of home depot...

i am afraid we have come to define our success by the level of our consumption and possessions rather than the positive qualities of our lives...working to provide a quality and healthful lifestyle for our families in a wonderful american ethic...but to seek ever-increasing levels of materialism as a life's goal is to see a a void that can never be filled...

in my travels...i have seen a dignity in life and a quality of living that i don't see here...and a lot of that dignity and quality of life is because of a population that focuses on their families and their communities...of living with quality assuming stature over quantity...of tradition over trendiness...because of my love for this country...it gave me pause...i feel like we are on the wrong path...we need to evaluate our lifestyle and make some changes as necessary...we have all that is necessary to have a quality, meaningful life...now, we just need to do it...

so back to my prayers each nite ;-)

i say my silent prayer...hitting the imaginary delete key on all the parenthetical thoughts along the way...the filtered version of it is a big thank you for teaching me at an early age the importance of simple pleasures and knowing somewhere down deep that marveling at the wonder of it all and being grateful for all the small things will somehow, someday, make the big things better...dwelling on all the negativity that surrounds us does not lead anywhere...contrary to elementary math principles...two negatives...in real life...do not make a positive...

as someone once said...some people feel the rain: others just get wet...

being happy...

are you happy? mark twain once said that whoever was happy would make others happy as well...and if you think about that...you'll realize the wisdom of that simple sentence...and wouldn't we all prefer to spend our time with people who are happy?

unfortunately, the reverse is true as well...depressed people, the ones always finding fault with something...always finding something to complain about...always being critical...can drag you down into the marshy depths of their miserable state of miasma in a nano-second...

there are literally hundreds of books written on the state of happiness...but one can't help but notice that in today's world there are many unhappy people, maybe because there aren't enough of us spreading the contagion of happiness...i think a lot of people in my generation and older are guilty of this because we spend a lot of time reminiscing about how much happier we were in the fifties, sixties, seventies & eighties...how much nicer life seemed when it was less complicated and there was a true sense of patriotism...

i am not one who speaks much about political stuff...but since this is my blog...i will put my two cents in ;-)

today, the political division is ugly and self-serving and lends itself to a lot of grumbling...have we ever in our history seen a country so divided as in the last several years? where is our camaraderie, our sense of oneness, our americanism, if you will? the political schism grows every day as democrats and republicans spend inordinate amounts of time and energy in verbal warfare, which only serves to bring out the worst in both of them...and don't even get me started on the newspapers & news stations whose sole purpose seems to be to remind us of how wrong everything is and how much we have to be unhappy about...and see what it does?? here i am grumbling about grumbling...

yes, there are many things wrong with our country today...but, we have much to be grateful for...much to appreciate...and much to be happy about...if more of us spent time being happy about all that's right...who knows? it might even spread all the way to washington, d.c...oh the thought!

what i know for sure...is that positive energy attracts positive energy...and happiness is contagious...

thinking positively...being kind...practicing happiness...and being optimistic may seem simplistic to some...but as far as i'm concerned...if we don't start practicing it now...we may get too far down that slippery slope to ever recover the brilliant, world-leading, positive example we once established for people of hope everywhere...

some of us, the lucky ones...are genetically wired to be happier than others, but whatever your happpiness set point is...find it...remember how it feels, and strive always to recapture that singular sensation...if you need to be pro-active in order to log onto that feeling, here's a clue: making someone else happy automatically makes you happy...try testing me (and mark twain) on that...

other prescriptions: watch a sunset...revisit photos of family & friends...study a rose...hug your favorite person...hug your pet...remember something funny...walk in the woods...eat ice cream...eat chocolate...eat both at the same time...work in your garden...and, of course (as a fashionista...i need to say) shop!

so go about it...spread some happiness today...

coffee with herb @ 5pm..

it was some time in 2003 that i realized that i was doing way more driving than i wanted to for my job...putting all those miles on my car was not making me happy...but...alas...i had an expense account...and so i used a portion of that to rent a car...sometimes i rented for the week..sometimes for the whole month...there were times that i would drive 300 to 500 miles in one day...so this set-up really worked for me...

i soon became close to the owner of the local avis office..his name was zul...and he treated me like family...he always saved my favorite cars for me...the newest & the latest...he would have sweets for me...invite me over for family dinners...and always interested in my life and adventures...

one of zul's employees was a man named herb...herb was in his 70's...and we hit it off...we had this banter between the two of us...he used to always tease me that it was a good thing we weren't married to each other...because we would find ourselves bickering like we had been together forever...herb had the most incredible memory of restaurants...i could tell him any place that i was driving to that day to meet with potential clients...and he would tell me what restaurant i should eat at...we became close friends...

i stopped working at this company in 2005...but my relationship with the avis crew continued...we kept in touch...still had dinners together...still checked in...and shared in incredible moments...like when zul & his wife brought their new adopted baby girl home...it was an honor to share that moment with them...

but the closest relationship was herb & i...since 2003, herb & i have met for coffee @ 5 pm at a restaurant called il fornaio every week...always once a week...but sometimes 2 or 3 times...depending on our schedules...occasionally we would meet for breakfast or lunch...but our "time" together was 5pm coffee...sometimes herb's wife would meet us...but most times...it was our time...and everyone knew it...

a few months ago...herb purchased a home in kansas city to be closer to his children & grand children...as happy as i was for him...i knew that our coffee time would be coming to an end...
what i didn't expect...was how hard this was on herb (his wife told me that he would always talk about his conversatons with elena to everyone)

it has now been a little over a month that herb is gone...i haven't been back to il fornaio since...just isn't the same...we had our special table...the staff always kept open for us...and we talked about everything...from relationships to computers to restaurants to politics...

herb called yesterday and left a message...it was so great to hear his voice...he wanted me to know that there would never be another that could take my place for coffee @ 5pm..
whether that be true or not...it was nice to hear...

herb is happy to be with family...and it is where he should be...but there is a part of me that still...once in a while...comes across something...and i think...oh...this will be a good discussion for herb & i over coffee...

my great escape...

i have always loved to read...as a little girl...i was definately a book worm...well into my adult life...reading was considered a force in my existance...i've found its importance in my life continues to grow...i think the more troubled my world...the greater the interest i have in escaping to a place provided by my current book...it is a wonderful distraction...

for me it all begins at nite...when i am securely in my bed...all noise gone...all lights off, except the reading lamp on my night table...i take my book in hand and start my transition from my reality to that of my book...the only thing that can disturb this alluring scene is...reading material in hand...i sometimes fall to crisis when i realize that within a matter of days...anything under a week...i will finish my book...

i have been known to read a book in its entirety in one day...being involved in two separate book clubs...this has at times come in very handy...when life got in the way...and i thought i had time to read the appointed book..only to realize the nite before...i need to be able to discuss this and i haven't started...i don't go into panic mode...i just shut the world away outside...and get comfy...and start reading...

i have a friend who panics when they see that the gas gauge shows less than a quarter tank...until they see that arrow point to full...they drive in a semi-panic mode...i guess in a way...that is how i feel when i see that my book is in the last quarter...and that i have no follow-up material lined up...i begin the panic of knowing that i need (i should say MUST) find my next literary pursuit...

as the nites count down...my level of panic and trepidation increase accordingly...the great calamity would be to finish the current book before the next one is acquired...although i have not been there...it must be a bit like being addicted to, say, heroin, and not knowing where your next fix will come from..

again in the analogy of the drug user...just like the heroin addict is not interested in marijuana or LSD, i can't just pick up any book...no, i am, well, addicted to pretty much a few genres...i must search my trusted sources for one more title that will suffice me for a couple of weeks, more like one week...and then the process repeats itself...

for the unacquainted, my love of reading started at a very young age...i found that i loved its adventure, the traveling to new frontiers, the danger and excitement of the journey, and the reality of it all...every once in a while...throw in some romance...these stories grab my imagination and pull my mind from the problems of the day...

reading takes you to places you may have never ventured to see...i want to be immersed in the reality of someone else's reality...i want to go on the journey with them...whether they are sailing around the world single-handedly or rebuilding a stone home in tuscany...i want to experience their highs and lows...their enjoyments and discomforts....their path from beginning to end...i want to dream with them...

some books, of course...simply are good and readable but do not seize my mind...i am not afraid to quit reading a book...this is essential if you want to love reading...there's nothing worse than plodding along in a book you are not enjoying...for heaven's sake...put it down and get another...when you are able to do this...you know you have matured as a reader...

so, anyway...once i get down to that last quarter-tank (in a book...that is) i know i must begin the process of finding new fuel...i may start at borders, followed by barnes & noble, followed by amazon...sometimes i will hunt through the local library...and sometimes...books are recommended by friends...the book club book's are assigned...because of book club...i can say i have read books i would normally never have picked up...but i did...and enjoyed them...and expanded my list of genre & authors...

reading...my great escape...it will take you away to places most of us can only dream about...and it will allow you to forget about the troubles...big and small...that consume your life...

fashion magazine anonymous...

okay, i'll admit it...i'm a fashion magazine junkie...if there were such a thing as fashion magazines anonymous...i think my family and friends would have an intervention and sign me up...i could probably live through it, but my mailbox would be embarrassingly empty...really, i do probably need someone to save me from myself...but the truth is...i don't really want to be saved...

this way...every day...my mailbox is full and i think...wow! how do all these people know about me? there must be a fashion magazine union somewhere...so if you are on one list...all the others find out...and make sure you're on their list as well...but i don't really mind...there's a certain smugness that comes with having the most popular mailbox in the building...

now of course...i have had several conversations with my mailman...thank goodness he likes me...otherwise...why would he feel compelled to carry all those magazines to my mailbox? especially the big issues...like vogue having an 800 page spread...i keep telling him i am thinking of him...working his arms out...after all...i'm a giver...

the truth is...i'm a shopper...i want to know what is out there...it helps of course...that it is an integral part of my job to know...but it goes far deeper than that...i seem to carry around some heavy, inexplicable burden that i need to go into a store, look around, feel the merchandise, perhaps even try it on...lately though...i haven't been buying...and that is HUGE for me...

if i go into a store and take up somebody's time, i feel i need to buy something...otherwise..i can almost feel not only embarrassed and intrusive...but a terrible sense of guilt comes over me...there's probably a medical term for this phobia...but i don't even want to know what it is...so...lately...i have avoided going into stores...especially the small ones...like jewelry stores...well, geez...i'd like to see what's new that i can't afford or just admire the workmanship and beauty of all those little sparkly things...but with all those eyes on you...to say nothing of the cameras and the overly solicitous salespeople, plus the hopeful glances of the owners, the angst is just too much for me to handle...

the same is true for those darling little boutiques...you know...the ones where you might actually find something you just have to have...but the risk of not finding something looms large in my mind and i just can't take the chance of having to walk out empty-handed and dealing with the looks of unfulfilled expectations of all those who were trying to be so helpful...for some inexplicable reason, i actually feel responsible for their mental health...what's wrong with me? i don't even know these people and yet feel some obligation to pay my way for the look-see...so to speak...to make their day a little brighter...but you can see how a girl could easily go broke that way...

huge department stores (the call of the mall), on the other hand, are a little easier on the psyche...i think they must be used to browsers and have learned to just ignore them altogether...how else can you explain the fact that when and if you finally do find something you want or need...there's nobody around to check you out...i feel mentally safe there...but then i have to deal with the frustration of time wasted trying to find someone to wait on me...it's an enigma...and it tires me out just to think about it...

and so i defer to my fashion magazines...no one is looking back at me...at any given time, there are probably thousands of people reading the same magazine at the exact same time...so the pressure is really off of me to keep them in business...i can lovingly and slowly page through them or flip through them quickly...or not at all (which hasn't happened yet...but i'm aware that i have that option) and then put them straight into the recycling bin...or pass them on to a friend...

so, go ahead fashion magazine people...keep sending your beautiful issues to me...i'll use you to fill in the occasional blank space on my "need to buy" list...and i do enjoy looking at your pretty pictures...i can handle it...

so thank you, dear reader, for this little therapy session...it's good to talk it out...for some reason it's been very redemptive...and i'll feel better now about handling my shopaphobia stateside using just my fashion magazines and that wonderful little creation called the window display...

naughty versus nice...

in the midst of a conversation yesterday...got to talking about naughty versus nice...believe me...my moments of naughty are nothing to write home about...because all in all...i am pretty much a "nice" girl...but i like to think i could be a little naughty ;o)

as i contemplate naughty versus nice, some experiences come to mind...for someone who lives and breathes nice, i look back at some moments in past years and wish i had invoked my inner bad girl at times...there is always that instant when my upbringing keeps me from saying what i am really thinking...my mother taught us to be polite and respectful...but what do you do if you have been confronted with an insult or a derisive comment? for example...a frenemy once said to me, "wow...you are sure not afraid to wear color...i would too if i was craving attention" or i like this one..."oh, i love that necklace...it is so much prettier than the jewelry you normally wear." in my nice-girl head, i was thinking, wow, so that's what you call a mean compliment...but what if naughty girl were to respond? what would naughty girl say?

i was so conditioned to be nice...i can't even think of a response to write here...months after that comment...and here is my point...why is naughty naughty? isn't it just empowerment of a sort? if naughty means mildly rude, well, that's not really for me...i don't want to be rude or mean...but if by another definition it means busting someone on bad behavior, i'm all for that...being in the moment and allowing yourself a second to consider the best, most truthful response is my kind of naughty...

a while ago, someone who had asked about my work & what i do...dismissed my work with a casual "so when are you going to get a job?" after i had told her about my busy week with the spring trunk show! nice girl listened to what this person's ideas of a "real" job were...nodded her head...and knew she was on her way to getting a migraine...naughty girl may have been able to stand up and communicate clearly that she had a "real" job...and that there were clients that depended on her...and that this response was insulting and unacceptable...i can hear the crackle of naughty girl's whip as she snaps this person to attention with her imaginary directness...(nice is so ingrained in me that just writing that sentence made me nervous...snap, crackle, and whips...if only there were a breakfast cereal for empowerment)

what i know for sure...is that nice isn't wrong...nice is good. it's...nice. i respond to nice...i wish more people were nice...if naughty equals bad behavior, i prefer nice...i am always voting for nice...the issue is that some people are not nice the way i expect or hope for them to be...there is truth to that expression "no good deed goes unpunished." and sometimes that good deed can come back to bite you in the butt...

because nice girls have a hard time saying no...they sometimes find themselves doing things they don't want to be doing...i can't tell you what these things are because then the people i did the nice things for would know that i didn't really want to be doing them but did them...to be nice ;-)
and even though i may not have wanted to do it...i do feel better when all is said and done...i just wish i could do everything that was asked of me without some other things suffering because of it...like my sanity...

so now to my favorite subject...what would our naughty and nice girls wear? even though i write girls, they are women...girl just sounds better when matched with naughty and nice...naughty women? not so much fun...nice women? boorrriiinnggg...zzzz.

naughty girl gets to wear some fun clothes...last few seasons showed a lot of black, a lot of sheer, a lot of tight, and a lot of low..there is no way you could put on anything from the above list and not feel just a little bit naughty...nice girl gets to wear all the soft colors, ruffles and prints and always looks comfortable...nothing too tight because those rosy cheeks on nice girl are a result of pleasantness, not a corseted waist...blouses with bows, dresses with buttons, pastel colors, and a cozy sweater are all worn by nice girl...i like that look...sometimes i wear that look...but i tend to like naughty clothes more than nice...i always have...maybe my inner naughty has been expressing herself through my wardrobe and shoes...i mean...even my workout clothes are black...

change is always good...if a change is going to be made...now is the best time to start thinking about it...not later...take the time to reflect on the year passed (doesn't always have to be in december) we can make our own mental movie of the year-end inventory...editing the best and the worst of the prior year...now is the time to observe the montage of what we have learned...and cutting anything that isn't working for us anymore...

i think i am going to give naughty a try...after all...maybe there's a little naughty in each of us that needs to be explored...maybe nice can be on one shoulder, halo and all, while naughty stands on the other...whip poised for action and ready to snap...

look out folks...naughty has arrived...

right now...

in talking to someone who i have gotten very close to in the last month...a question was asked of me...

what is your biggest fear?

the question stopped me dead in my tracks...i hadn't really thought of it...or so...not intentionally...i think we do think about our fears, anxieties, stress...whatever you want to call it...

everyone has fears...what surprised me was that at the end of last year...i thought i would be afraid to give my heart away again...but then you meet someone...and you need to make a choice...do i not take a chance? do i tip-toe in quietly? do i dive in?
but that is not a fear for me...i truly believe that giving your heart away to someone is a risk...always...what will they do with your heart? will they guard it? will they cherish it? will they trample over it?

what i know is that i do need to guard my heart...but i also need to open it up for the opportunity before me...this last month has been a whirlwind of emotions...all good...
right now...we are getting to know each other...
right now...we are sharing our likes & dislikes...
right now...we are wanting to get to know each other better...
right now...we are enjoying each other...

i can't predict the future...but i can take into this new relationship...the things i learned from past relationships...when a relationship ends...there comes a time where you need to look at it...with open eyes...and evaluate what worked and what didn't...and i have done that...

right now...i have someone who i believe truly cares about me...he shows it to me in so many different ways...he surprises me with his unbelievable care for me...his respect for me...his interest in my thoughts, my concerns, my life...

right now...i choose to enjoy this new relationship...to open up my heart...

the beauty in scars...

i heard a speaker the other day...mentioning how often throughout scripture, God tells us to "remember...remember...remember" so, yes, sometimes we need to take a look back in order to move into the future that God has planned for us...but we also need to be freed or liberated from the past to live our lives fully and successfully...as devastating as it might have been, the past is just part of our lives...we need to remember that we also have the future...and the present...

i have often asked in my lifetime..."why did that happen to me?" or "why did i have to go through that?" as if somehow i should have been removed from feeling pain...i think that it is a normal response...the key...i think...is not to dwell there...i truly believe that i may never fully know the answer to these questions...but God knows...and whether i understand it or not...those things were the very thing He used to bring me to where i am right now...

i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for what i've gone through in my life...and today i can truly say that i am grateful for the painful things the Lord allowed me to experience...because He has used them to develop things in me that could never have been formed in any other way...based on what i had or didn't have...i had to develop other aspects of myself...like my personality, my intelligence, and my talents...and from my own struggles with rejection and loneliness...i developed empathy and compassion for others who struggle with those feelings...

the things my family went through also shaped me...as i watched my mother and father live their lives...i saw what humility and grace look like and learned that the difficult circumstances of life...however much they may weigh us down or cripple us...don't have to dictate who we become...

even recent wounds have been unexpected gifts to me...in all these trials...God ministered a mercy and tenderness to me that i can now minister to others...and as He has led me into the freedom of forgiving others, i can help others get there too...because i've "been there"

as our wounds become scars...they become more than reminders of what has been...they become reminders of what God has done...we now have something to give...we are able to dispense God's grace and mercy through the very scars that were once our wounds...what was once damaged is now made whole...what we once hid in shame is now our (His) glory...what was ugly is now beautiful...

when we expose our scars to others, we are saying "i understand what you've gone through...i understand the pain, the injustice, the betrayal...but take heart...there is One who heals...those gaping wounds will close too...only scars will be left"

God has touched the wounds of my past and turned my over-sensitivity to the opionions of others into a deep sensitivity to their needs...i am able to comfort others with the comfort i've received...

john trent wrote "everyone is influenced by his or her past...but as christians, none of us has to be controlled by it"

i know that i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for what i've gone through in my life...neither would you...we've all gone through a lot...but the key is this...we've come through it...and that for me...gives me great hope for whatever i will go through today and what i will go through tomorrow...

deliverance finally comes when you confront your past and put it in it proper perspective...it happened to you but it is not you...you survived the trauma...you too can walk again...
serita ann jakes

running through the rain...

got another email this morning...the kind that makes you smile...the kind that reaffirms important things to focus on...i don't know if this email is true...but i know that the message is strong...and for that i share it with my readers...

i had the opportunity to spend the day with my niece jessica today...got her out of school...and we just hung out and talked...just the two of us...we talked about the past...the present and the future...no interuptions...no agenda...just sharing time with each other...these are the times that are so precious...not planned...just a moment in time...where you have an opportunity to sieze the moment...or let it pass you by...

may you enjoy the story...may you grasp the message...may you sieze the opportunities...

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so care free as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in "Mom let's run through the rain," she said.

"What?" Mom asked.

"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: "Mom, let's run through the rain."

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.

"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm

"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.

Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

four little words...

so...i've been on a little break from watching the news lately...

without living a life of denial...because obviously our economy is not doing to good right now...and no matter what industry you are in...it is a trickle affect...everyone is touched by it...
people are losing jobs...people can't find jobs...bills are coming in...without the funds to pay them...

yeah...i can be stressed all on my own...without the nightly news to help prod me along...so i've tried not to watch...

i have noticed that my life has been filled with worries and anxieties...there was one morning where i just wanted to pull the covers back over my head and forget everything...i'm sure we've all felt that way at one time or another...

i opened up my bible and came across four little words in philippians..."the Lord is near"...coincidence? i think not...

in reading these four little words...i was reminded of the profound truth that prayer isn't something i had to do...rather...prayer is something i get to do...i get to bring every worry and concern that i might have on any given day...God's cure for worry is always the same...prayer...not pulling the covers back over my head...His way involves action...that action begins with making everything known to Him...

because "the Lord is near"...we need not be anxious for anything...
because "the Lord is near"...we can have peace within...a deep abiding peace that passes all understanding...
because "the Lord is near"...joy fills every part of our lives...
because "the Lord is near"...our hearts and minds are renewed and restored in Him...
with this restoration we are able to become...once again...fresh...vibrant...and alive...

this is when i realize the importance of taking my eyes off myself...and thinking instead about whatever is true and noble, right, pure, admirable and lovely...we can then start seeing a little more clearly again that a great deal of that which surrounds us is excellent and praiseworthy...
but...this truly does not come naturally to us...

this is what i was encouraged by that morning as i set out to face another day under the care and direction of the Holy Spirit...

when we allow Him to...He is renewing us physically, mentally and spiritually...

beauty...

beauty...we all long for it...

what i know is that real beauty isn't what we see in magazines or on movie screens...and it doesn't depend on the opinions of others or the changing tastes of culture...true beauty is seeing ourselves as God see us...reflected in the mirror of His word...

inner beauty...knowing who we really are...is what is closest to my heart as i sat down to write today...most of my writings are prompted from situations or conversations that i've had...recently...i've had many conversations with a girlfriend...who had her heart broken...and she is focusing on her beauty...and how it wasn't enough...

this angers me so much...that a man would tell her things that made her feel unworthy...unlovely...

so she sits...damaged...searching...wondering...why she wasn't enough...

i've been there...i can relate...for me it was years of searching and a long hard journey to reach the point where i really believed and felt that i was worth something...that i had value...

i grew up in a wonderful christian home...i felt secure in my parents' love...and then i fell in love with Jesus...i remember how i felt God's intimate tender love for me...and my tears would flow...God gave me a sensitive heart...i have always felt things very deeply...what i didn't understand then...was the flip side of feeling deeply...yes...i was receptive to His Spirit and His presence...and that was wonderful...but i was also very sensitive...too sensitive...to the attitudes and comments of the people around me...

as the years went by...hurt by hurt...my walls went up...through the years...other walls followed..all to ward off the pain, loneliness...and rejection of being different from others...not accepted...and not really understood...

i was always taught that beauty on the inside was what counted...

somehow i knew that it should have been true...that inner beauty was more important...but as i looked around...even at a young age...i noticed that it really didn't count that much...at least not as far as how people treated you...the physically beautiful...the socially acceptable...and the currently fashionable were what people...even in the church...really accepted and esteemed...

goodness, kindness and consideration...the traits my family possessed and taught me were important...didn't seem to matter as much as popularity...a sassy comeback...the right clothes...and a pretty face...

for many years i struggled to reconcile what God wanted me to be with what the world told me i should be...a struggle that i still sometimes face today...

what i know most about beauty has come from God healing my heart and showing me who i really am...He has turned the ashes of my heart into beauty...the mourning into joy...and i am praying that He will do the same for my girlfriend...

everyone has beauty...but not everyone sees it...

to my girlfriend:
i want you to look into the mirror of God's word and see yourself as He sees you...i want you to know how much He loves you and how much you have because of His Son...i want you to grasp the depth of God's love for you...to discover and embrace the beauty within you...and then to delight in the unique beauty He has reserved for you and you alone...

when you know who you really are...i think that you glow with an inner radiance and confidence that affects every other part of your life...and as you absorb the truth of how much God loves you and grab hold of the promises He has made you...you'll be surprised and delighted as you see yourself being transfromed into the vibrant, healthy, complete, beautiful woman you were always meant to be...

what i know for sure...is that it was a journey for me...as i reflect...the struggles it took on my own path to understanding inner beauty...from insecurities and fear, through brokenness and doubt...i now...truly know...beyond a shadow of a doubt...what the psalmist proclaimed: "the King is enthralled by your beauty" psalm 45:11

beauty of form affects the mind, but then it must not be the mere shell that we admire...but the thought that this shell is only the beautiful case adjusted to the shape and value of a still more beautiful pearl within...jane porter

that is you...my beautiful friend...i see the pearl in you...my prayer is that you start to see it too...

salsa anyone?

last nite....i went to my first salsa dancing class...

fun fun fun!

i have wanted to learn how to salsa dance for so long...and have been thinking about taking classes for about two years...my good friend l...who is an excellent dancer...has periodically asked me to go...and i always had some excuse...but reality was...that i was just really nervous...

but...here we are in 2009...my year for living life...and breaking through fears...as l said to me..."you will salsa through your fear"...

l joined the class with me...which amazed me...cause if anyone does not need to be in a beginner class...it would be her...

i learned three steps...the last one i had a bit of trouble with...but as the instructor said..."it's the first hour...don't be hard on yourself...we will continue these steps week after week...adding new ones as we go along"...

it was when we started rotating partners that i noticed how a partner truly makes all the difference...i told myself before class...that i would do everything in my power not to lead...as if i could...i had no idea what i was doing...the funny thing was though...that some of the men were waiting for me to start...so i would laugh and say..."i won't start till you do"...and we would laugh and my partner would start us off...

i can't wait till next week...i am so excited to add this new adventure to my life...i'm definately not ready to do any serious salsa dancing...but i can picture it...sometime in the future...

thanks l...for being patient with me in your invitations...you didn't give up on me...i think all along you knew that i would love it...i just needed to take that first step...

champagne fashion-ar

sunday nite was our first champagne fashion-ar (think seminar)...

what a fun nite it was...adena (my business partner & friend) and i have been thinking about doing these classes for quite some time...and honestly...we were not sure how they would be received...or what kind of response we would get...

we ended up having a full house...we knew that we could accomodate about 20 women...and we were definately at standing room only...which was pretty exciting...

the women came and were able to hear a talk by a color consultant...they learned of how depending on your skin, hair & eye color...different colors in clothing may work for you...or not...and how certain colors cause different reactons from people...how colors can make you look more approachable, warm, authorative...etc...

the ladies had champagne & lovely appetizers...they were chatting & learning & most importantly...shopping! now that is a recipe for a fun fashion-ar...they also received a leopard print gift bag (any other kind?) with lots of goodies for them...

i have to say...the response was pretty amazing...and we had to turn some away...due to room constraints...but adena & i are definately excited about planning the next one...

our worth spring 2009 trunk show is down to its last two days...and we have had some great appointments...with the economy the way it is...we were a bit worried...but there are still shoppers out there...

the most important part of what adena and i do...is helping women look their best...unfortunately...first impressions are usually on the outside of a person...so why not always try and look your best...that is what we try and help in...

well...i'm off to more appointments...had some very busy days...i even forgot to write in my blog yesterday! that was a first...hopefully it won't happen again... ;o)