okay, i'll admit it...i'm a fashion magazine junkie...if there were such a thing as fashion magazines anonymous...i think my family and friends would have an intervention and sign me up...i could probably live through it, but my mailbox would be embarrassingly empty...really, i do probably need someone to save me from myself...but the truth is...i don't really want to be saved...
this way...every day...my mailbox is full and i think...wow! how do all these people know about me? there must be a fashion magazine union somewhere...so if you are on one list...all the others find out...and make sure you're on their list as well...but i don't really mind...there's a certain smugness that comes with having the most popular mailbox in the building...
now of course...i have had several conversations with my mailman...thank goodness he likes me...otherwise...why would he feel compelled to carry all those magazines to my mailbox? especially the big issues...like vogue having an 800 page spread...i keep telling him i am thinking of him...working his arms out...after all...i'm a giver...
the truth is...i'm a shopper...i want to know what is out there...it helps of course...that it is an integral part of my job to know...but it goes far deeper than that...i seem to carry around some heavy, inexplicable burden that i need to go into a store, look around, feel the merchandise, perhaps even try it on...lately though...i haven't been buying...and that is HUGE for me...
if i go into a store and take up somebody's time, i feel i need to buy something...otherwise..i can almost feel not only embarrassed and intrusive...but a terrible sense of guilt comes over me...there's probably a medical term for this phobia...but i don't even want to know what it is...so...lately...i have avoided going into stores...especially the small ones...like jewelry stores...well, geez...i'd like to see what's new that i can't afford or just admire the workmanship and beauty of all those little sparkly things...but with all those eyes on you...to say nothing of the cameras and the overly solicitous salespeople, plus the hopeful glances of the owners, the angst is just too much for me to handle...
the same is true for those darling little boutiques...you know...the ones where you might actually find something you just have to have...but the risk of not finding something looms large in my mind and i just can't take the chance of having to walk out empty-handed and dealing with the looks of unfulfilled expectations of all those who were trying to be so helpful...for some inexplicable reason, i actually feel responsible for their mental health...what's wrong with me? i don't even know these people and yet feel some obligation to pay my way for the look-see...so to speak...to make their day a little brighter...but you can see how a girl could easily go broke that way...
huge department stores (the call of the mall), on the other hand, are a little easier on the psyche...i think they must be used to browsers and have learned to just ignore them altogether...how else can you explain the fact that when and if you finally do find something you want or need...there's nobody around to check you out...i feel mentally safe there...but then i have to deal with the frustration of time wasted trying to find someone to wait on me...it's an enigma...and it tires me out just to think about it...
and so i defer to my fashion magazines...no one is looking back at me...at any given time, there are probably thousands of people reading the same magazine at the exact same time...so the pressure is really off of me to keep them in business...i can lovingly and slowly page through them or flip through them quickly...or not at all (which hasn't happened yet...but i'm aware that i have that option) and then put them straight into the recycling bin...or pass them on to a friend...
so, go ahead fashion magazine people...keep sending your beautiful issues to me...i'll use you to fill in the occasional blank space on my "need to buy" list...and i do enjoy looking at your pretty pictures...i can handle it...
so thank you, dear reader, for this little therapy session...it's good to talk it out...for some reason it's been very redemptive...and i'll feel better now about handling my shopaphobia stateside using just my fashion magazines and that wonderful little creation called the window display...
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