list of syndromes...

i think it is a strange combination of hype and hilarity that we now seem to have a name for every possible and apparently otherwise indefinable condition of man...we no longer have diseases...we have "syndromes"...and while not wanting to diminish the seriousness of any particular disorder, i thought i might go over just a few of the more obscure ones i've run across lately...lest you should find yourself in a wellness conversation and be at a loss for words, or letters, as the case may be...and perhaps...in doing so...we can discover the exact subset for what's ailing you...dear reader...

personally...i find myself suffering from something called the NIP syndrome - no idea for a piece...it affects me every once in a while...and so far has not responded to any known medications i have on hand...aspirin, chocolate, or sleep...i would like to "nip" it in the bud...so to speak...with a strong stimulant of some kind...but with the very thought that my daily deadline draws near...a sense of ennui overcomes me and i slip into an almost dreamlike state...like fog on a windshield with no wipers at hand...this particular syndrome is common to essayists, authors, editors, and high school students...

in reasearching my particular problem...i came across some other interesting ones that may help you define some of your heretofore undiagnosed maladies...i found one called "occupational overuse syndrome (oss) typified by numerous body disorders like calluses, tennis elbow, etc. (i'm not making this up.) there's another called the locked-in syndrome (lis), which manifests itself by a paralysis of all voluntary muscles - not symptomatic of a bank employee, as you might suppose...who accidentally locks himself in the vault...

i must admit a certain degree of intrigue with one called the leopard syndrome (ls). at first i thought this might be what my friend margaret & i suffer from with our insatiable quest for animal-print clothing...but...au contrair...it has something to do with abnormalities of the skin, skeletal, and cardiovascular systems...how wild is that?

the alice in wonderland syndrome (aws) is another interesting one having to do with the problem of discerning people and objects subtantially smaller than you are...i've met some people who have a habit of looking down on others...i wonder if that qualifies?

there's another called the prune belly syndrome (pbs) and...contrary to what you might initially think...it has to do with the urinary tract...it doesn't sound good wherever it manifests itself...

one that i found particularly amusing is called the jerusalem syndrome (js). this describes the phenomenon whereby a person who seems previously balanced and devoid of any signs of psychopathology becomes psychotic after arriving in jerusalem...i generally refer to them as terrorists...but then what do i know?

i thought the wild smiles syndrome (wss) carried a certain panache, and i was wondering if i could have it...i like the idea of a wide smile...syndrome or not...turns out, though...that it has something to do with clefts - paletes, lips, etc. and you might think constriction band syndrome (cbs) would be the result of wearing your belt too tight...but no...it's somehow related to the ever popular and previously mentioned wide smiles syndrome...also, you might want to look up, on your own...the nutcracker syndrome (ns). the picture that comes to mind is not a pretty one and probably not suitable for discussion in a blog written by a nice girl... ;-)

the endless list of syndromes is impressive...you probably haven't had a single twitch that hasn't been given a syndromatic name (i made that word up). i even read about the 3m syndrome...which i thought might have to do with running out of scotch tape or post-it notes...it is, of course...related to dwarfism, as any fool knows...actually...only 32 people in the world have ever been reported to have 3m syndrome...and yet...well..and yet...it has its very own name...which really begs the question..."how many people have to be afflicted with any particular disorder before it becomes a full-fledged syndrome?"

without even getting into restless legs syndrome (rls), irritable bowel syndrome (ibs), or multiple breast syndrome (oddly enough, most prevalent in males), one begins to see that there has never really been an undocumented thought from our crack group of medical wizards that didn't end up initialized...coming up with names must be what docs do for recreation...

i wonder if that's what they are doing at all those medical meetings...hmmm.....

as for me...looks like i got my "no idea for a piece" syndrome under control..