buh bye 2010...hello 2011...

"what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us...”
ralph waldo emerson

wishing you all a safe & happy new year's...

my friend let me "borrow" this fabulous picture....
isn't it fabulous?

glimpses of His own heart...

choices and decisions...

but because i don’t know what i want...i don’t know what to ask God for...and as i was thinking all this nonsense...another set of thoughts interrupted me...and something hit me...

i’ve asked God for so many things in my life...and everything He gave me due to my prayers...i now don’t even remember...most of it all has been temporary and exchanged for new things...

absent of value...

a few things i asked for and He gave me...i later couldn’t understand why He listened to me if He knew the damage it would bring...

and then there were the prayers He never answered...

thank God...

looking back...i realize how much danger...destruction...and unnecessary drama He saved me from...by not granting my foolish pleas...

and the things i never asked for...such as a broken heart...loss...tears...scars...the things that caused me the most pain...valleys in my life i begged Him to get me out of and save me from...things i couldn’t understand...now make perfect sense...and i am most thankful for...those are the moments in life i see His perfect fingerprints in...those are my most precious memories...my greatest...boldest blessings...glimpses of His own heart...

loving relationships...

"keeping struggles to yourself eats away at your spirit...it is amazing what a change in feelings happens when you dare to share your struggles with a spouse, a loved one, or a special friend...pouring out your soul, being able to say to someone, “i trust and love you enough to share my problems with you,” is a liberating experience...you may be surprised by their response...loving relationships will make you feel accepted and supported..."
wessel bentley

ready...set...pray...

"i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus..." philippians 3:14

this is the verse that sits on the first line of my business plan...my business plan...which also holds my personal plans...physical & spiritual...guess it really should be called my "life" plan...i have never liked the exercise of planning on paper...the plans for the new year...but it really became a regular exercise with a networking group i started about 3 years ago...a group of women entreprenuers...we encourage each other...we are accountable to each other...and we check our "business plan" quarterly...to see if we are on track...very structured...something i have a really hard time with...

and another thing i have a hard time with is...

new year's resolutions...guess in a way it could be interpreted as another type of life plan...but the name sticks...everyone knows what new year's resolutions are...and...we all make them and most of us fail or give up on them...usually by the end of february...i believe the reason we fail or give up on these resolutions is because we don't give ourselves any grace to slip...we set goals with a pass/fail mentality...we become so focused on the goal "i am going to _____," determined not to fail...that the obsession sets up the failure...we become so legalistically determined to meet the goal we forget about giving ourselves grace as we strive towards it...

so i say this year let's let go of the old tradition of pass/fail legalistic-minded resolutions...and embrace grace in setting God-driven...Spirit-inspired goals for 2011...

how do we that? first and foremost...we need to seek God in setting the goals...many times we set goals that are not intended for us...we are made in the image of God and the goals we set should be made with the purpose of becoming like Him...so ask God what you can do in 2011 to become more like Him...perhaps it is spending more time in His word...or praying for others...maybe...you forget your body is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit and you don't treat it as the temple that it is...perhaps God wants you to be more evangelism or mission minded in 2011...

second...go to God's word for support for your goal...record the scriptures along with your corresponding goal in a spiral index card notebook...this notebook will be your quick scripture support when you need it...and it is small enough for your purse...or for my men readers...in your briefcase or car...my main "business plan" is done on a word document...purely for the ease of "tweaking"...because...there have been times where i have needed to start new goals...and change others...this is not a document that can never be changed...be flexible in where God opens doors...

third...enlist accountability...this doesn't necessarily mean announce your goals to your entire sunday school class or put them on the class prayer list...unless God tells you to...these goals have been prayed over and inspired by God...ask God to lead you to those who will pray for you...as well as hold you accountable to your goal...keep in mind that God might lead you to someone other than your best girlfriends or guyfriends...allow Him to surprise you and work in new ways in your life...

fourth...(and SO important)...embrace grace...give yourself a break if you slip back a bit...keep your eyes on the big picture...the end goal of becoming more like Christ...remember God inspired your goals...when He calls you to do something...He supplies all you need to accomplish it...even grace...showing yourself grace does not mean you are giving yourself permission to continue to slip...it means that if you slip...you admit it...step up the prayer...and keep pressing forward...

lastly...set a monthly or quarterly check point with your accountability partner(s) and allow for the Holy Spirit to work in tweaking the goal...setting long-term goals is difficult for me...if i tell myself that i only have to make it until next month...i am more likely not to slip...

sounds so easy doesn't it? =) probably not...obtainable? most definitely...ready...get set...pray...start praying today...He has amazing things waiting ahead in 2011...

i am thankful for the hope of a new year...and as i am planning my goals...i pray that i become more and more like Him...i know this is His plan for me...

winding down...

well...here it is...the last week of twenty ten...who would have thunk it...seriously...this year has flown by...there has been some sadness...some stress...some unfortunate circumstances...but hey...no one is immune...right? besides...with that...there has also been the incredible presence of the Lord through it all...He has been so evident in the midst of all the muck...and because of that...i have to say...it has been an incredible year...

there is something about saying "the Lord is with me" vs feeling the Lord with you...and i have to say...this year...there were times that i heard myself saying it...although faintly...never not believing it...but more saying it to continue to believe it...and it was in the times when i least expected it...He came through so incredibly crystal clear...that at times...i just stood in amazement...of His never ending love for me...and my tiny life (in the big scheme of things)

i am excited about ending this year...this chapter in my life...but holding on to the moments...the memories..and i am that much more excited about the coming year...and all the "newness" that will come with it...

merry christmas...

...to you & yours...may you feel His love & peace this christmas season...

almost christmas...

yes it is! my favorite time of year...and the anticipation is mounting! ok...i admit...i am like a small child when it comes to christmas...love everything about it...the outside lights on homes...yes...i still squeel when i see a really nicely decorated home...the christmas trees...the music...everyone seems to be in semi-better moods...what is there not to like?

ok...be it a bit stressful as well...i choose not to dwell on that...what needs to get done...surprisingly...always does...and if it doesn't...well...will anyone truly notice?

and family time...this has been a tough year on ours...but we are still standing...truly by the grace of God...He continues to pour His love over us...and for that...i am grateful...so so grateful...

so...last minute errands still need to be done...and then i will be in full on "enjoy the season" mode...what could be better?

be sure to take a moment or two...from the busyness...and focus on what is truly important...love...family...friends...and our wonderful beautiful Savior...

lost integrity...

it is funny how the disappointments of some people affect you...you want to believe that they have some integrity...not only the integrity they talk about...but actually live...and you want to believe that there is a bit of goodness left...but for whatever reason...it isn't there...and the person you thought they were...and hope they are...isn't even close...

i've always thought i was a pretty good judge of character...but i have to say...in the last few years...those that i thought would be the ones who stood out as good & honest...and trustworthy...were not...so what is left to do? really nothing...for i have learned that i can only control my own actions...and hope for the best in others...

but still...i'll be honest...there is that tinge of disappointment...to have to acknowledge that who you thought someone was...well...they are nothing close...except maybe to some...

i'm rambling...i know...just have a lot on my mind...living a life of integrity is a whole lot different that writing about living a life of integrity...people are always watching us...especially when we call ourselves christians...i wish more people understood that...

in other news...with that disappointment came a wonderful visit from an out of town friend...and a reminder...that those who truly live a life of integrity...well...it is like leaps and bounds of blessings...i am thankful for those friends...

in awe of God's amazing creation...

sat on my back porch last nite watching the lunar eclipse - a very rare moment indeed since the next time the lunar eclipse will coincide with the winter solstice will be in 2094 (last time was 1638)...saw many shooting stars too - a beautiful night...gazing at the starry night - in awe of God's amazing creation...yes...the miraculous still happens today...

when love takes over...

the greatest obstacles to experiencing inner peace are those negatives emotions that we tend to let in...fear, anger, and jealousy...and yet it is love and compassion that give us the inner peace and happiness that we all want...

in several places in the bible...Jesus talks about love...through Him we are constantly reminded that love is the greatest gift of all...

1 corinthians 13 says: "and now these three remain: faith, hope and love...but the greatest of these is love...

this holiday season is meant to celebrate a love that is born out of an ominpotent love...God calls us to love and if we look with open eyes...we can find reminders of that everywhere...

an otherwise normal day...

i cannot believe that in exactly one week...it will be christmas eve...i'm really working at savoring every moment of the rest of this year...which means...taking each day as it comes...and seeing the beauty in it...and the blessings...today is pouring rain...and it is truly my first day in weeks that i have had to myself...in which i spent most of it...doing errands that had been put on the back burner...

so...errands...plus pouring rain...do not mix well...but for some reason...today was a great day...i guess what "they" say...whoever "they" are...the attitude truly makes a difference...

this time of year is hard on so many...i see some in my family really struggling...and then there are the strangers i pass every day...don't know there story...but so many look so sad...if all i could extend is a smile...that is what i will do...

and in that...i forget about the pouring rain...the endless list of errands...and focus on people...and showing God's love...

wishing you a wonderful weekend...the weekend before Christmas...may it be stress free...full of joy...and more memories to stock up for the year...

two bucks in my yard...

so...as many of my friends and family know...i love love love christmas...first and foremost for the true meaning of christmas...the beautiful gift of God's son...it amazes me still to this day of our Savior's love for all of us...

and then there is christmas lights...christmas music...the decorations...

which brings me to my post today...i have an abundance of christmas decor...most of which was bought "after" christmas...THE best time to stock up on christmas stuff...in my opinion...

one of my christmas obsessions was having christmas deer in my yard...you know the ones...their heads moving left and right...they are lit up...full size deer...so i got my first one...hmmm....i think about 5 or 6 years ago...for a fabulous deal...then the year after...i bought my second one...packed them away...and never brought them out to my yard...

i know...crazy!

why...you might be thinking...would i do that? well...it took one person to tell me that they get stolen off of peoples yards...and so...i never wanted to put them out for fear that they would get stolen...

this year...as i pulled everything out to decorate...i thought about life...and the many friends i lost this year...many at a very young age...and i realized (once again) that i am not promised tomorrow...and what a shame to have deer...boxed up...and never seen...i mean...truly...if someone steals them...so be it...they obviously need them more then i do...although...i do hope that doesn't happen...

so tuesday...in the pouring rain...crazier...i know...because i really dislike the rain...i set up my two deer in my front yard...i was going for a "couple"...but wouldn't you know...i have two bucks...but they still look pretty amazing glistening in my yard...how do i know? because like a dork...i keep looking out my window...and smiling...

my two bucks...with their heads turning left and right...are still there...in my front yard...right where i put them...

12 days of christmas...

my girlfriend sent me this..i could listen to it over and over and over...enjoy!

hope for the holidays...

God gave each of us what we needed most...a Savior...a Savior to save us from ourselves...and because of that...the holiday season should be a time of cheer...for some...however...it can be lonely and depressing...while the days leading up to christmas should be filled with peace...joy...and hope...sadness over past mistakes can hover like clouds on a rainy day...we all have a tendency to define ourselves by what we have or haven’t done...

we tend to label ourselves by our past mistakes...and then we wear these labels as if there were no alternative...

failure...unfaithful...unfit parent...liar...gossip...addicted...bitter...

the bible tells us that as a person thinks...so they become...so...if you want to live an unhealthy life...you can...if you want to punish yourself...you will...that being said...though...being self-destructive is not God’s plan for your life...in fact...to think this way is to see yourself outside of God’s saving grace...

that’s why the christmas season offers such hope...because God gave us what we needed most...a Savior to save us from ourselves...the key to putting your past behind you...and moving forward with a bright and hopeful future...is to accept Christ’s forgiveness for you...

what is comforting to know is that you are not alone in your troubles...the bible tells us...“for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God...” (romans 3:23). that means there is not one perfect person in the entire world...we have all made mistakes...i know i’ve made my share...still...no matter how hard we try to do everything right on our own...we can’t...so God gave His only Son as payment for our sins...in other words...Christ paid our debt...and this payment is a gift of God which He freely offers to you and me...

the awesome thing is...we don’t have to earn this gift...through Christ’s death on the cross...God simply says, “our sins are paid in full.”

all you and i have to do to receive His forgiveness is to agree with God about our sins...you might say something like this in prayer...yes, God, i did that thing...i receive your free gift of forgiveness for the wrong i have done...and i accept heaven as my eternal home...cleanse me and change my life...fill me with your love, hope, joy and peace...

if you sincerely mean what you’ve confessed...then you have been forgiven...your slate is clean...God remembers your sins no more...it is as if they never were...

and that’s the good news of christmas and the open doorway to peace...

the next thing you must do is forgive yourself...you will stay in bondage if you continue to label yourself as a bad or unworthy person for what you have done instead of focusing on the changes God can bring about in you...you must stop defining yourself by your past and read the bible to learn how God defines His people...

He calls you beautiful!

just think...this could be a christmas where you experience real peace, joy, and forgiveness...it’s why Christ was born...to set you free...

just listen...

today was the first day in a long time where i had nothing planned for the morning...i relish those kinds of mornings...the pot of coffee is brewed...laptop is in my lap...and my two cats are clamoring to get the remainder of lap space for themselves...right now...they are facing each other...like a dual...ready to inch in more...when more space is reevealved...their little bottoms on the couch...and their two front paws perfectly lined up on each side of my leg...cozying up to me...

i guess they have missed these mornings as well...or at least i like to think so...no rushing...no noise...just the quiet of the morning...

this is how the Lord wants me to be...clamoring to get to sit in His lap...to be close...saying nothing...just listening...i woke up this morning...and that was my prayer...that i talk less to Him today...(a hard feat...believe me) and listen more...

what does He have to tell me today...i patiently will wait...to hear the words of my Father...He knows my heart...He knows my wants...He knows my needs...all that is left to do...is to rest in His warm embrace...and listen...

let it be just as you say...

have you read the christmas story yet this season?

in luke’s first chapter...he introduces us to a young woman named mary...we get from the gospels that she was an ordinary girl...much like you and me...scripture tells us she was betrothed to a man named joseph...luke does not tell us much about her every day life...but we can believe one thing...mary knew and loved God...how do we know this? by the truths taught in her story...

in one moment in time...this ordinary girl who lived an ordinary life came face to face with an extraordinary God...the angel gabriel greeted mary with these words: “you will become pregnant and give birth to a Son and call His name Jesus...He will be great and be called 'Son of the Highest'...”

mary asked gabriel how this would happen since she had never slept with a man...he answered her by saying that the Holy Spirit would come upon her...hover over her...and place the child within her...he then told her, “...the child you bring forth will be called Holy, Son of God.”

considering the immediate impact this message would have on mary’s ordinary life – she’d have to explain to her family and her fiancé that she was pregnant...her response is powerful and such a witness for you and me...she told gabriel...“yes, i see it now: i’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve...let it be with me just as you say...” have you ever wondered how she could have so quickly and easily put aside all that this surprising proclamation would mean and surrender her will to God’s?

how did mary come to that place? i believe that in her journey up to that point there were many small steps of obedience where she had experienced and witnessed God’s faithfulness...perhaps places where she said, “yes, Lord,” even when it was difficult or did not make sense...choosing to say “yes” on ordinary days prepared her heart to say “yes” on this extraordinary day...

you and i have those ordinary moments in our lives too...moments that in and of themselves do not seem significant but when weaved together create a heart of obedience...one day God will ask us to trust Him for something extraordinary...where will our heart be? will we be ready to say “yes” to God...even when what He is asking seems impossible?

my prayer is that i use this day to prepare my heart for those moments when my extraordinary God will invite me to join Him on an extraordinary journey...by saying “yes” to Him today...that i would know and trust Him the way mary did...to have a heart of obedience to say "yes" in the small...every day decisions...to be faithful in the ordinary...and in that...be prepared for the extraordinary...

rest in peace elizabeth edwards...

i was sad to hear of the passing of elizabeth edwards...she was definately a woman i would have enjoyed meeting...she always showed such grace & dignity...during her sickness...as well as during the tabloid news of her husbands wandering...

here is a wonderful article that i think truly describes her as i saw her..."elizabeth edwards mastered grace, maintained dignity" one of her last writings was so beautiful written...

"You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human.

But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn't possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know"

i would hope that me being faced with what she went through...that i would be able to show a third of the same grace & dignity...

my happiness depends on me...

love this quote...so so true...

"Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel—and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good."
— Abraham HicksSee More

peace...

..."be still and know that I am God" psalm 46:10...

my girlfriend adena wrote this status update yesterday...
"Just Breathe" - words I saw today in an ad in a fashion magazine. Very appropriate for this season, when we've got hundreds of little demands on our time. It's surprising, but often we don't even realize when we're holding our breath, accompanied by tensed shoulders. So...let's just take a deep, slow breath and consciously relax. Doesn't that feel better?

this is usually the time of year where much of the world runs around stressed to the max...and we focus on everything except the true reason for the season...in this busy month...take time to reflect...not only of His wonderful gift to us...but how He has been there throughout the year...always by your side...

we need to not just simplify our lives and learn to say "enough" to so much we try to do...but learn to be quiet on the inside...make a quiet place inside and stay with Him during this time of year...don't let christmas pass you by...

be true...

making the most of today...

rec'd the pastors email "from the pastors heart" and had to share with all of you...such a great reminder of how time flies...how not to dwell on things out of your control...or to worry about things that you can't change...this is obviously the time of year where we look back and think "where did the year go?"...i know i have thought it...and said it...pastor's words hold true...to make the most of today...

From Pastors Heart

It is hard to believe that it is the first week of December. In fact, I find myself amazed at how fast the 2010 year has come and gone. Many of the recent conversations have included comments from other people regarding their amazement over the fact that we are once again in the middle of the holiday season.

“I can’t believe it is December.”

“Where has the time gone this year?”

“The older I get, the faster time seems to go by.”

The Bible certainly hits the nail on the head when James reports:

But you do not know what will happen tomorrow! Your life is like a mist. You can see it for a short time, but then it goes away. James 4:14 (NCV)

Time is something we will never capture or control. Our lives are brief, described as a mist, a fog, a vapor. First it is there - then it is gone. All the effort, all the planning, all the worrying to control the days of our lives do precious little to grant even one more day to the time we have left.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Luke 12:25 (NIV)

Scripture goes on to assure us that God has already determined the days and hours of our lives. So what is left for us to do? If all this has been determined, if life is so short, if time passes so quickly – then what am I to do?

Yours is not to count the minutes, hours, days or years – yours is to make them count. Time does move quickly – are you using it to the fullest? Are the days and hours of your life being spent in a manner that reflects the value of eternity? Will the choices and decisions of your use of time be a benefit to others around you in the light of eternity?

Today is December 3, 2010. You will never pass this way again. You have one shot to make today count. This is not a dress rehearsal – this is life. It passes quickly. It passes as quickly as a vapor dissipates. I encourage you not to waste this time or hope for a future date to arrive – it may never come. I would encourage you to spend less time today in worry – it doesn’t benefit your life. I would encourage you to spend less time in amazement of how fast time passes. Spend more time on how you can make your life count.

It is my prayer for you today that this time, this season, this very moment is lived to the fullest. Now – this is the time of your life.

From my heart to yours,

Pastor Bret Allen (Bethel Church - San Jose)

to jacqueline...

i received the most heart felt comment on a blog post i wrote back in november of 2009...the funny thing...is that when i went back to re-read that post...i remember why i felt led to write it...and that is saying alot for me...the girl that has the worst memory ever!

jacqueline...if you are reading this...you have been on my heart all day...i will continue to pray for you...may you truly feel the love of our Father in a special way...

your sister in Christ...

dec 1...

...where has this year gone? i wrote a check today...and seriously stopped for a moment when i wrote the date...it is december 1st...it is funny how a year can seem so long and so short at the same time...when going through situations...sometimes life is ever slow...hoping to get through the difficult times in record speed...but yet...life moves so slowly...not at the speed we want...but still...at the right speed...

in retrospect...when looking back...time has flown by so quickly...and you are left...or i should say...i am left to wonder...did i do everything i wanted to do...and even more importantly...did i accomplish everything the Lord would have wanted me to accomplish? did i learn all the lessons i needed to learn? did i give as much as i could have given? did i spend my time wisely? or were there moments where i wasted time...wasted an opportunity...

i know that we cannot live our lives always looking at things this way...but i do feel it is important to think upon these things...at last once in a while...to re-group so to speak...to re-prioritize...to "check-in" with ourselves...and God...are we on track? are we living our lives to our best potential?

as this year comes to an end...there have been life lessons learned...some were difficult...some were hard to accept...but all were necessary to get me to the point at which i'm at today...

and in looking back...although there were times i could have done without...each helped me in growing...in understanding more and more of my Father's love for me...and that no matter what comes my way...or doesn't come my way...He...is the constant...in my life...and for that...i am forever grateful...