forgiveness and longing for reconciliation...

as i have been diligently (insert smile here) cleaning out my home...room by room...closet by closet...and drawer by drawer...i have stopped at moments...and read over something...or took in a lovely moment from a photograph...or in most cases...thought...why am i holding on to this?? which is a fabulous attitude to have in my quest for a clutter free life...

i did come across an interesting snipet that i had written down on a piece of paper...unfortunately...i have no idea where i got it from...must have been a book i read...but i am not sure...but its words really stayed on my mind for the last few days...

here it is...

joseph was reconciled with his brothers when they came to egypt in search of grain. by the time his brothers reached egypt, he was able to stand before them and confront them because he had no inner feelings that would keep him from having a relationship of unity and peace with them.
forgiveness is unilateral. you can forgive even if [someone] never admits [their wrong doing], is never sorry, and never changes. but reconciliation requires both people’s commitment to recovery, honesty, repentance, forgiveness, and communication. even then, reconciliation is a long and difficult process of breaking down barriers and building trust.

so you may be wondering what or more specifically "who" i was thinking about...the thing is...there are very very few people in my life (i can pretty much count them on one hand) who i have had forgiveness for but not reconciliation...

for many years...i never thought there was much difference between reconciliation and forgiveness...in my heart, it all kind of meant the same thing – letting go of pain that someone had inflicted on me...usually this involved some type of “making up” process involving apologies, sometimes tears, and a hug to make everything alright...

i would say it was about 10 years ago or so...that i heard a sermon...that spoke so deeply to me...about forgiveness...and reconciliation...and that the two may not necessarily intertwine...

several years ago, somebody hurt me in a very painful, inexcusable way...for months, i didn’t allow myself to work through the pain as i needed to...but i finally did...and it was difficult...because it was one of the few times that there was no reconciliation...in the last year...circumstances (which were mostly out of my control) caused me to stare at this wound square in the face...

as strange as it sounds, i’ve never doubted that i forgave this person...i feel fortunate that, for the most part, forgiveness comes easy to me...

however, as i was processing through healing during this time, i began questioning if i really had forgiven this person...sure, the scabs had been peeled off and the wounds were fresh – and it hurt…badly, all over again...

a dear friend who was helping me through this sent me an email...he encouraged me and said that what i was experiencing wasn’t me being bitter or holding on (which was what i was afraid i was doing) but that i was desiring reconciliation...

i wanted for this person to own up to the mistake and for everything – painful as it would be – to be okay again...

and i wanted for the relationship to be harmonized and restored completely...

and then i came across the piece of paper...

so as i read it...and thought about it...i realized a few things...or maybe i was reminded of a few things...

you may not ever be reconciled with a person that hurt you (or that you hurt)...

that part takes both people to work through...

forgiveness is a necessary...but not a sufficient condition for reconciliation...

however, forgiveness is a decision that you make, and continue to make, regardless of the other person’s choice...

and through the cross...and grace...and love...you can...