lessons from a tea bag...

i have a book that keeps all my favorite quotes...every once in a while...i will read through them...and they spark memories...some good...some bad...what i love about quotes is that so much can be said in so little...

"and the day came when the risk [it took] to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - anais nin

i have been going through a major revamp of my life...many things have remained the same...my relationship with my God, my family and true friends...i continue to work on them and to nurture them...and to keep them at the forefront of my life...

but...i have been on a journey...really evaluating every piece of me that i like...that i don't like...all that is lovely, hideous, fun, dry, sinful, beautiful...i have been surrendering it all...i have been allowing the the hard things that i have gone through to make me better rather than bitter...

when we allow God to pour His love over us...we are changed...

as i was making my tea last nite...i started focusing on the tea bag...the tea bag "works" when it is submerged in boiling hot water...and once it allows that hot scorching water to penetrate it...a wonderful taste submerges...and depending on what flavor the tea bag..a fragrant aroma...

this is alot of what my life has been lately...i feel as i have been submerged in thinking through many areas in my life that needed attention...not all of it was bad...some was just stagnant...but never the less...it called for attention...i have been trying to be more like Him...and a little less like me...

God's love can't pour over us...until we allow it...but when we do...we are changed...

i had to look at the place i was in my life...depending on the subject matter...i was in different places at the same time...if that makes any sense...

in some area's of my life...i was crying uncle...in other words...i was screaming out..."no more...i give up"

some area's i felt exposed
i felt ready to give up
i felt ready to tell the truth and bring some honesty into my life
i felt life had turned out harder than i ever imagined...

what i knew...was that i needed to "still" my heart...and let God's love seep through me...and when i did that...wonderful things started to happen...

i feel i am finally blossoming into the woman i was meant to be...i am realizing the true passion of my heart...my longings...i have sought deeply in looking at my personal yearnings, desires, wishes - those places deep down in my soul that have felt empty and unsatisfied...and hollow...

i'm not going to lie and say that this has been fun...it has brought me to the place where i had to stare at my past hurt, disappointment and sadness straight on...but i can say with honesty that getting myself to do this...rather than running from it...well it has radically changed me...

finding the courage to really look at my life, my dreams, my longings, my hurts...it has fostered a dependency on God that i have never known before...

what i know is that there is no life without pain, no treasure without the hunt...i believe that getting things easy will never make us the person God intended us to be...my journey has unveiled things about me that i had forgotten...passions that had become dim...

with each new day...i am becoming a person that i am truly happy with...the woman i always wanted to be...have my circumstances changed? uh - no! but my perceptions and expectancies have...and the view - well...it is quite remarkable...