in tough times...

i met with a new client yesterday...seems the economy has got her in a pickle...aren't we all feeling the pinch?

i have been reading many many articles (and written some in my newsletter) about fashion and the recession...

i guess the big question would be...for a fashionista that is...where does fashion fit in?

there are a few theories flailing around...none of them terribly scientific...about the role of fashion in a dreary economy...

here's one: when things are bleak, women tend to wear more black...because it is an inconspicuous hue and appropriately funereal...it's always easy...and in difficult situations...that matters...

then there is the opposite notion: dress in white...it will flatter you, light up your face and make you feel virtuous...

the crayola concept is as follows: women who dress in bright colors lift not only their own spirits but those of the people around them...but be careful of this one; it can turn heads (including yours) for all the wrong reasons...

another theory is that fashion is the last thing that should be on the minds of thinking women (yeah, right)

and last but not least: when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping...this one, of course, is what the fashion industry is banking on...

so my client asked me this question..."if you were going to make a purchase, would it be to spruce up your house or spruce up yourself?" i have to confess that making myself look better would probably make me feel better...that leads me to the lipstick theory, which goes like this: one sure pick-me-up when you're low is to buy yourself a new lipstick (or blush or foundation or eye shadow). in other words, a relatively inexpensive beauty product has high value in down times...

i don't embrace any of these ideas wholeheartedly, but i do believe that feasting your eyes on pretty things when all around you seems so unattractive can be a short-term and effective panacea...like listening to a piece of glorious music, reading poetry, seeing a happy-ending movie, enjoying a splendid meal with good friends, babysitting your favorite toddler or taking a brisk walk in the woods with your dog...the activity may not last for a long time...but it does the job...

there is so much doom and gloom on the news...even when talking to people...and although i feel we should not be living in denial...i do not think it is healthy to just dwell on the economy...dwelling on it...is not going to change it...

so to my client i say...what is your preference? for some it would be sprucing up the homestead...for me...well a new pair of shoes sounds nice...and sometimes...just looking is ok...

speaking of looking...as i was at starbucks before meeting my client...a precocious little girl stood next to me in line with her mother...she scrutinized me from head to toe...her gaze settled on my feet (footwear, as you know, is one of the telling signs of a stylish woman). she paused, then said, "nice shoes." that child has a future in fashion =)

all in all...what it all boils down to...is that people are not going to remember the lipstick you wore...the shoes you wore...what your furniture looked like...but the time spent together...the laughter...the sharing...isn't that what is truly important?

living in the age of information, as we do, we sometimes forget that there is such a thing as too much of it...why is it that so many people feel the need to tell all, say everything that's on their minds and not keep what should be private to themselves? i am all for sharing...but only to a point...

a quote i recently read...
"we need to stop sharing too much...as life goes on and time gets shorter, every flicker for love or longing or despair needs to be fully felt...not spun into an instant anecdote to be traded away"...

so my home...as humble as it is...will continue to be a home where friends and family hang out...
attire: whatever you are comfortable in...
conversation: just let it flow
laughter: plenty
time spent together: priceless

my child, trust me...

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
proverbs 3:5-6

i woke up this morning
put one foot in front of the other
automatically
mechanically
making my way down the same road
i've traveled before...

now here You stand
in the center of my path
causing me to doubt
my customary direction,
showing me another way...

i am paralyzed
afraid to go forward,
afraid to go back...

i stand rooted to the spot
waiting for some guarantee,
some promise
to convince me that Your way is best...

but You offer me none of these.
You simply say,
"my child, trust me."

pre - high school reunion...

what a nite i had last nite...met up with 8 friends from my high school days...we were to discuss reunion next year...but...well...we never got to that...

we met up at a local brewery close to our old high school...and literally sat and told stories for over four hours...we covered prank stories...wardrobe stories...crush stories...you name it...we talked about it...

the crazy thing is how many of them have kids in high school now...that are friends with my nieces...what a crazy small world we live in...

i have not laughed so hard in so long...many people that i talk to about facebook...when i tell them of the many friends i have re-connected with from high school...usually say..."there is no one that i feel the need to talk to from high school"...i have to tell you...that is not me...

i have so many incredible memories from high school...and the many friends i had...some from last nite...i have not seen for 29 years...but it was as if no time had passed...the connection was there...immediately...

we are obviously going to have to meet again...to discuss reunion plans...but better than that...we have all decided to make a point of keeping the "reunion" feel going...and meeting up once every two months...just to keep in touch...i am really looking forward to that...

my friend neil...suggested this incredible idea...and the idea came from his dad...who is in his 80's...and still meets up with five of his friends every month...you know me...i'm all about connections...here's to still hanging out with my high school friends...when i'm in my eighties!

making a true connection...

a recent visit to the dmv...with a set appointment...had me sitting there for over an hour and a half...quality time with strangers...it amazed me how many people were just sitting there yacking away on their cell phones...

i've seen it coming for a while...haven't you? you can't get through dinner or walk down the street wthout someone pulling out a cell phone...i often wonder, who in the world is everybody talking to?

the whole idea of connection fascinates me...no doubt we're all more digitally and fiber-optically linked than ever before...but we're apparently losing our real connection...

just recently, going through the turnstile in the entrance to a department store...i watched a mother talking and laughing with her cell phone in one hand - and with the other, dragging her crying 3-year-old, whose coat had gotten stuck in the door...she was too busy chatting it up to notice...major disconnect...

as hard as i try not to fall prey to cellular mania...i have succumbed somewhat to the life-changing advantages of it...
as hard as i try not to fall prey to facebook addiction...i have succumbed somewhat to the ability to connect to those in my life that are in other states...as well as other countries...

my niece recently posted a pic to her profile...showing a recent visit to her family in north carolina...it showed 7 family members sitting around a table...all in front of their own laptop or blackberry...
her caption read "dell laptop $1200, blackberry $350, family time...priceless"
it made me laugh...and i know that the picture was staged...but it really made me start to notice...a lot more...how many people are connecting via phone, laptop, and any other technical means that we have access to...while in the presence of real live bodies! me...when given the chance for a face to face...or hearing that person's voice...that will always be my first choice...always...

i don't want to be one of those people...you know the ones...those people who are in a conversation with you but, as you're obviously not holding their interest, take the call from the phone that's ringing beethoven's fifth at 78 rpm and continue to talk to whoever's on the other end...those people who are sitting in a restaurant and checking voice mail every 15 minutes...those people during dinner that are having half a conversation with the group at the table...while texting away...i always sit there amazed...seriously...why did you come out for dinner? those people who are not in the moment but always looking to see, what's next? what else should i be doing?

notice the next time you're giving your friend, mate, child, or coworker less than your full attention...i'll bet it happens more often than you're aware...with to-do lists a mile long and constant deadlines, it's no surprise that most of us feel cut off not only from our partners and loved ones but also from ourselves...our lives are busier, faster...and we're moving further away from real connections...

you can never stray too far from what is really meaningful before losing connection with yourself and everybody else...and when you've lost that...neither at&t nor the best verizon hookup can bring it back...

so...make a change...pay attention...listen...treasure every moment...

and make a true connection...the old fashioned way...

awww...the sun...

the weather news stated that the temperature would be dropping 20 degrees today...i haven't seen signs of it yet...but our weather has been pretty chaotic...to say the least...but then some of you may be laughing just about now...wondering why i am completely reliant on the weather news...when a lot of times...that is completely far fetched...

i don't know what it is about the sun...but it makes me happy...really happy...these last 5 days have been pure splendor...for me...many are complaining that it is too hot...we reached the 90's! but for me...this is the weather i love...

as much as my white skinned body could handle it...i was out...piled with sunscreen...i crammed into a week all the things i enjoy...there was gardening...kayaking...hiking...just soaking in that warm beautiful sun...and what?? is that a little color showing up on my skin?

running errands even seems more tolerable...and people...well people seem friendlier...maybe i'm just imagining it...or maybe it's the smile on my face that is causing others to smile...or possibly deep down inside (while smiling) they are thinking..."what is she grinning about?"

i don't care though...cause i'm busy soaking in the beautiful sun...i won't complain about the heat...i do complain about the cold...the rain...and the wind...so when i finally get sun...the hotter...the better!

the weather forcasted rain by this weekend...makes me a little sad...i've enjoyed my mornings with my cup of coffee...watering my newly planted plants...but...we are only in the start of spring...so i have a whole summer of sun to look forward to...

lessons from my life...

i will never claim to know a lot about anything...but i do strive to learn from mistakes and experiences from my past...

these are reflections of my own life's experiences...things that have helped me come to terms with life's challenges...i hope that they will give you encouragement and lift you up to steer ahead...

i remember reading this quote for the first time...hit me like a ton of bricks...what we do and say can affect people in ways we never imagined...
"flatter me and i may not believe you...
criticize me and i may not like you...
ignore me and i may not forgive you...
but encourage me and i will never forget you"...

the world is not a fair place...and things do not work or happen the way we perceive them or want them to for our convenience and wellbeing...life is made up of ups and downs...but what we have to do is face the reality of the harsh world in which we live and move on...

the most important part of moving on is to forgive...you can't make progress when you are facing the wrong way (which for us may seem to be the right way)...forgive those who hurt you and redirect all the emotional energy you've given to bitterness toward fulfilling your destiny...

do something every day to change your attitude...instead of trying to think your way into right acting...act your way into right thinking...act the person you want to be...and gradually that's the person you will become...

only when you learn to accept the person that you are can you accept and enjoy others as they are...a great historian (whose name escapes me and probably wouldn't mean much to you anyway) said, "your attitude is your best friend or your worst enemy - it will either draw people to you or keep them away...it is never content until it has been expressed...and in every case it is more honest and consistent than your words...it is the librarian of your past...the speaker of your present, and the prophet of your future."

don't allow yourself to be swept away by the distraction that disappointments can bring...discover your life's purpose and anchor yourself to it before the bell rings and "class closes."

first - "know God." He alone holds the key to unlock the secret of who we really are...

second - "know yourself." you can only love what you know and fix what you understand...it is dangerous when others know you better than you know yourself...for knowledge is power...what are your real needs...values...goals...boundaries?

third - "know your neighbor." we are born alone, die alone, but we are not meant to live alone...we need to love and be loved and that takes time...how can anyone talk to you for 20 minutes and say they know you? they are either brilliant or you are shallow...knowing someone takes time...

people respond better to kindness than complaints...in fact...most people will do nearly anything if you treat them with kindness...that means making it clear to them that their feelings are important...their preferences respected and their opinions valuable...it also means giving them the benefit of the doubt...we all make mistakes...therefore...every man is entitled to be valued by his best moments...

when failure knocks at the door...it is sometimes just a signal that it is time to change direction...if you keep hitting a wall...back up and look for a door...if you take a detour...don't despair...it may be the road that you should have been on in the first place...failing does not make you a failure...only quitting does...so have faith...step out and do...if you make mistakes you will be the wiser afterward...

when you don't believe in yourself...you will always expect the worst from others...it is easy to allow our hearts to lie dormant for fear...do not allow self-esteem and the disappointments of the past blind you to the new options that present themselves daily...dare to try again and trust God to be your safety net...it is the leap of faith that can be both most dangerous...yet most rewarding...

selecting from a new menu...

i was out with some friends the other night...and as always...we got on the normal subjects...shoes, handbags, clothes & men =)

somehow we got to talking about past relationships...we were all putting our two cents in...so to speak...at the end of the evening...one of the girls pulled me aside...she looked me straight in the eyes and said the following..."knowing how horribly hurt and betrayed you were by your last relationship...it baffles me how you have nothing but kind things to say...it speaks volumes of what he missed out on"

ok...i must admit...it really warmed my heart...i smiled...because i know the steps i went to...to get to this point...i had the tears...the anger...the emotional roller coaster...but in the final analysis of it all...i got to the point that i wanted to hold on to the fact that at one time...this person meant the world to me...and there was a reason for that...there were things about him that i fell in love with...and i just didn't want to live my life being angry and bitter...

so many times we hold on much longer that we should...painfully...unnecessarily...nursing and rehearsing what the other party did to assault our hearts...we cling to a relationship gone wrong or to romanticized memories of that which is no longer, afraid that if we release them we will have nothing left to talk about...it is difficult to see the other side of the darkness...around that distant corner...

what does the future hold? will there be someone to love and protect me the way i've always longed to be loved and protected? or will my life become a vast wasteland of nothingness?

refusing to release those memories and unfruitful relationships, or simply dressing up our memories of love gone awry and living off them for a season, prevents us from discovering the gift God has for us...holding on only leaves us with empty, aching arms...hearts too fatigued to hope anymore...spririts grown dry from the despondency that comes from not moving forward...

let go...whatever you're clinging to, let it go...the anger...the longing...the dismay...the questions...don't try to figure it out...what went wrong...who was right...don't try to make sense of it...most of it doesn't make sense anyway...there is probably no explanation that could satisfy you right now...maybe ever...

let go...do not allow yourself to be dragged through regrets and other unvictorious patterns...to hold on is to be held captive by your offender's lack of regard or enslaved by your own disappointment and ravaged self-esteem...to hold on is to bind yourself to all that will hinder you from receiving the things you long for...

remember - today will soon pass...prior experience has shown that it is possible to love again...after we bleed and we heal, we will live to use once-damaged members again...do not fear the unknown...embrace it...for it offers escape from your pain...but before you can take hold of tomorrow, you must let go of today...

it's your choice...when you grow sick and tired of being sick and tired...push the plate away and select from another menu..choose your thoughts and conversations wisely...close your eyes, open your hands, and dare to taste something new...believe that He has something better to serve than what you've already tasted...let Him take that old plate away and give you something fresh...something you can feel...something that will finally satisfy your deepest longings...something real...

let go...hanging on to the hurt and anger won't change a thing...it will only deepen your embarrassment...you are not the first one to make a mistake, and you won't be the last...you're actually more normal that you think...cause it has been proven...the counterfeit always comes before the blessing...so face the music...whether you like the song or not...call the entire experience exactly what it was...a passing moment of deception designed to trip you up...don't let it...let it go...

what i've learned about prayer...

the thing about prayer...what i've learned...i continue learning...it is a process...some days are easier than others...it is easy sometimes to get in that mode that God is a vending machine...we ask ask ask...for things we "think" we need...and when we are faced with silence...or "no" or "not now"...well that is where the learning process (for me) needs to be re-evaluated...

what i know for sure...is that God knows what is truly best for me...and there are times...many times...that i do not really understand why things work out the way they do...i have lived to see that on past situations...His way was the right way for me...although at the time...i didn't feel it...understand it...and questioned it...

i have learned what it is to pray to a God who has the power to make another way...but chooses not to...it helps to know Jesus understands what this feels like...like Jesus, i've wrestled with God's plan for my life even as i've sought to submit to it...but Jesus shows me how to obey when God's answer to my sincere, reverent prayer is "no." i also see Jesus' example of obedience...

i've learned that submissive prayer is prayer that welcomes God to work in and through my suffering rather than begs him to take it away...it's thanking God for what He gives me rather than resenting him for what i lose...submissive prayer is changing me from someone who knew a lot about God into someone who's experiencing God in deep, though sometimes difficult, ways...

our problem is not so much that God doesn't give us what we hope for as it is that we don't know the right thing for which to hope...(i have to remind myself of that a lot!) hope is not what you expect...it is what you would never dream...

attitudes...

the longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude on life. attitude, to me, is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. it is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. it will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. we cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. we cannot change the inevitable. the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...i am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. and so it is with you...we are in charge of our ATTITUDES.

author of "attitude"
- chuck swindol

i have to agree... ;-)

my mom the seamstress...

the other day i was looking at a bunch of childhood pictures...being completely absorbed in anything fashion...these pictures mean a lot to me...

it still amazes me to this day...that every dress...in each picture...worn by my mom or me...were hand made by mom...

the thing is...she did it out of necessity...funds were low...and it was less expensive to go buy fabric and make your clothes...of course at that time...from the scraps left over of whatever my mom made for herself...there was enough to make me a dress as well...

i remember asking my mom why she stopped making my clothes...and her response...as she is laughing...is that i take up to much fabric now...thanks mom...

as i look at these pictures...what i know...that most wouldn't know...is that each dress was made without pattern...most times...my mom would see a dress at the store...and be able to replicate it...now that i think about it...she has also always been able to do that with her cooking...
ok...how did i end up in this gene pool? these talents i do not possess...but i digress...

without a pattern...what amazes me...is that each picture...the dresses are completely different and unique from each other...that may not seem like some huge deal...but it really is...being in fashion...i am able to pick up on all the detail that each piece possesses...

i truly wish she had saved my dresses...or better yet...i wish she had saved her dresses...being more into vintage clothing...there are many pieces in my mom's wardrobe throughout the years that i would have conveniently stolen from her closet...but...alas...they are gone...my mom always teases me and says that i was born in the wrong era...i just think they made cuter things long ago...

so...without the actual dresses in hand...i sit and admire my mom's handiwork...and incredible talent shown in pictures...i wonder what the chances are of her making me a dress? i think i may need to sweet talk her...

honest prayers...

my one friend is struggling...i wish i could just reach in and change his situation...but i can't...what i can do...is be there for him...and keep him in my prayers...

one of our most recent conversations...he was having a hard time dealing with his prayer life...not that he didn't have one...but he was feeling a little guilty...i guess is the right word...for being a little too honest with God...

i remember how we laughed when he said that...we both know that you can't be too honest with God...especially since He already knows what is in our hearts...

i have had those conversations with God...i mean...who of us has not grown frustrated with God over situations in our lives? who of us has not gone to Him and poured out those feelings in prayer?

through out the bible...there are so many who had gut-wrenching conversations with God...there was habakkuk...who starts his book with "how long, o Lord, must i call for help, but You do not listen? or cry out to you, "violence!" but You do not save me"...

God's answer to habakkuk was to be patient and to watch...that He would do amazing things and usher in justice...but only in His timing...

passionate, honest, gut-level prayers have been recorded through out the bible...moses, gideon, and elijah all questioned God...job even cursed the day God made him and said, "i loathe my very life"

what i know...is that we do not see what He sees...and that is hard to remember at times...we can sometimes feel that God is no where to be found...and we usually feel this way in times of severe suffering or testing...God knows our deepest thoughts and feelings, so its futile to think we can hide them from Him...better to come clean with how we really feel, get it off our chest in prayer, and hopefully clear the way to hear and receive God's reply or comfort...

i've complained to God in the past for allowing my loved ones to die or fall deep into sin, for allowing valuable things to be stolen from me, for allowing my reputation to be unfairly tarnished, for allowing physical suffering in my body, or for not allowing what i felt i deserved...my goal is to be a woman of faith who can take such things in stride with Him...but when i'm losing that stride, i've found the best thing i can do is honestly take these feelings to God where they can be traded for His perspective and His comforting assurance...

though God does not always change my circumstances the way i want Him to, He can and does change my perspective on those circumstances...enabling me to endure them...

God listens when we complain about injustice...He understands when we feel shortchanged or opposed...i think the best thing we can do is to just be honest before God in prayer...while maintaining a holy respect for Him and thanksgiving for His saving grace...pour out the good, the bad and the ugly of our feelings...as habakkuk, job and others discovered...God can handle our intense emotions and questions...He may not explain Himself fully to us...perhaps because we can't fully understand...but what i do know...because i have experienced it...He will flood you with His love when you come humbly and honestly before Him and pour out your heart...

tell someone you love them...

1 corinthians 13

if i speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, i am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. if i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if i have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing. if i give all i possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, i gain nothing.

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

love never fails. but where there are prophecies, they they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. for we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. when i was a child, i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i reasoned like a child. when i became a man, i put childish ways behind me. now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known.

now that is incredible love...

a lot of the time we don't realize what we have until it is gone...some people are able to walk away from something they care about because of their pride and other stifling qualities...love is in everyone's lives, whether it is family, a significant other, friends, or even pets...i find people get so wrapped up in so many materialistic and wordly things, that they lose track of what they love, what is truly important...

i believe that as long as you have some type of love in your life, and it can stay strong, you can always make a bad day better...i would trade all of my material possessions to have a life of strong love with my family, friends, and maybe...even..."the one"...

the thing is...we are not guaranteed tomorrow...and sometimes...well...life gets in the way...work gets in the way..."stuff" gets in the way...and we think that we will tell that person what we want to say at a later time...but that later time...may not come...

every person that has ever meant something to me has been told...and let me tell you...some of it was not reciprocated...and that hurt...i will admit...but better than that...i like the fact that i shared my feelings...my love...dispite that...because in the end...i want everyone who mattered to me...to know that...not to assume it...not to hear about it from someone else...but hear it from me...

so i challenge you today...show someone how much you love them...whether it is someone in your life you have taken for granted, someone who could use a little extra boost and knows that you are there for him/her, or someone you want to do something extra special for...and don't do something easy...take a decent amount of time (just saying i love you or texting it does not count) and do something to show it...actions speak louder than words, and if people followed this lesson...maybe more people would have better days...

don't wait till it is too late...when that person is gone...and you are left with "i wish i had said"

what is left?

times are tough...people everywhere are losing their jobs, their homes and their hope...if it has happened to you...you know how devastating loss can be...you know what it feels like to be at the mercy of a job interviewer, or enslaved to a credit lender...it can leave us feeling less than...

most of us seek identity in our jobs, dreams, talents, or peers...the people we love, the things we own, and the job we do often identify who we are...when we lose those things, we feel as though we have lost our identity...after that...what else is left?

one of my favorite bible stories as a little girl was that of daniel...when king nebuchadnezzar of babylon came to jerusalem and besieged it...the king ordered for some royal israelites to be taken into captivity...the order specified those who were attractive, smart, healthy, and who would make good servants to the king...daniel was among them...they were also told what to eat and drink...

i imagine most of the captives were distraught by all they had lost...they had been taken from their home, their land, and their people...but daniel and his friends responded differently than most...they chose not to look at what they had lost but rather what they still had left...

daniel had incredible faith...trusting God to work on his behalf...daniel asked that he not have to defile himself by eating the king's food...despite the official's hesitation, he granted daniel's request due to God's favor...

as children of God, we do not have to lose heart or settle to the world's ways either...no matter what kind of situation we are placed in, God can make the impossible possible...the Lord also gave knowledge and understanding to daniel along with his three friends...this caught the king's attention...no one else in the kingdom could compare to these four...so, they entered into the king's service without violating their faith and remained there until a new king took the throne...

unfortunately, everyone experiences times of loss...a job, a friendship, a dream...even so, our worth and identity are not found in these things...nor is it found in our failures or losses...your value and mine is in God and the amount of faith we have in Him...

when we find ourselves in our own babylons...let's not look at what we've lost but at what we have left...our faith! it may be shaken but it can't be taken...faith...just like daniel's...provides hope in a God who is large and in charge over every authority...that...to me...is no loss...that is great gain...

i realize my focus has been on my circumstances lately...a lot more than on the God i serve...today, i choose to put my trust in God...i know that He is aware of my situation and is working on my behalf...

nothing better than that!

think small...

bigger isn't always better...but then again...i suspect most of you know this...just look around...mcmansions have become a blight on the landscape...oversized portions in restaurants are a waste of food and well...forget about what it does to the waistline...suvs guzzle gas and pollute the air...it's time to think small...

for instance...does anybody really need a king-size bed to rattle around in? i have to confess...i have my cal king bed...which i love...but...as a single girl...who sleeps on the same side every nite...i'm not so sure it was necessary...if you're going to own a bed that big...you might as well invite a few friends over and host a huge pajama party...and how many acres does a person really require for a backyard? surely not a thousand...we've become a nation of excess...too many cars, too many tvs and, often enough, too many houses that are too big for their own good...

last summer i got a chance to go to the opening reception for a designer showhouse that was so large, so spread out and equipped with so many rooms that i wondered as i walked through, how family members would ever find one another...and, worse, how they could hear a child in trouble and how quickly they could come to the rescue...

life on a grand scale may have suited marie antoinette, although from all that's been written and portrayed, she seemed to be the ultimate poor little rich girl...but even the queen of france needed to retreat to her petit hameau to escape the opulence of versailles...

don't get me wrong...i like space and splendor as much as the next person...well...maybe a little more than that...but there comes a point of diminishing returns...the people i've met who have a multitude of houses in many different places always appear to be on the run and are never quite sure where home really is...they also seem tired a lot of the time and prone to colds and other maladies...self-imposed stress, i call it...

on the other hand, the sanest men and women i know consciously do not bite off more than they can chew (which makes me wonder if there's a kind of heimlich manuever to save us from choking on our overextended lives). and when it comes to their "stuff," they are constantly trying to edit it down...consequently, they have a better grip on just about everything...

moral: sometimes less really is more...and small may even be better...

another lesson in life...

a lesson in life...
(author unknown)

sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become...

you never know who these people may be; your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friends, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way...

and sometimes things happen to you and at the time they may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength, will, power or heart...

everything happens for a reason...nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck...illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul...without these small tests, if they were events, illnesses or relationships...life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere...safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless...the people you meet whom affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience...they are the ones who help create or shape who you are...

even the bad experiences can be learned from...those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones...if someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart...forgive them...for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart...someone loves you...love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you...but also because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them...

make every day count...appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can...for you may never be able to experience it again...talk to people you have never talked to before...and actually listen...let yourself fall in love...break free and set your sights high...hold your head up because you have every right to...

tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself...for if you don't believe in yourself...no one else will believe in you either...

you can make of your life anything you wish...
create your own life and then go out and live it...

connections...

after an interesting conversation with a friend...in regards to marriage, singleness and everything in between...i decided to write down my thoughts and summary of "my" side of the conversation...

connections are an interesting thing...i believe that a connection to a person comes in different ways...connections are made with people who keep a warm place in our hearts...

in my life now...it is me, myself and my friends...happily ever after...what i've always been sure about...is that whether or not i had a mr. right...i could take stock of my friends...and know that i couldn't ask for much more....

as a chartered member of the 40-something club...i am someone who can say "i never married," as opposed to my 30-something days when optimism inspired me to say "i'm not married yet."
ah youth, i miss it already...

in those days i believed mr. right was just around the corner...now i realize that this corner must be somewhere in a parallel universe...and me? i'm in this universe alone, a fairly successful single woman trying to make a decent go of it...if i had a hat to throw in the air...i'd be indistinguishable from mary tyler moore...

normally i'm content being single...the only time i'm really bugged is on valentine's day...during a crisis, when i need furniture moved or when i decide to paint the ceiling (which, come to think of it, IS a crisis). then i curse the absence of a human being that is legally bound, by law and God to be there for me when i need him...

someone is truly connected only when they want to be, not because a legal ruling or commandment tells them so...this news flash hit me a few years ago when i walked into a restaurant to celebrate my birthday with a girlfriend and discovered many of my friends there for a surprise birthday dinner party...dear friends that i share priceless memories with...memories and experiences that connect us in ways that a marriage certificate doesn't always guarantee...

that realization hit me when i observed a friend unable to enjoy the appetizers and free-flowing champagne because she was too busy chasing after her rambunctious young sons...in between ordering the boys to "stop that!" and "put that down!' she expressed her disgust over her husband...who had reneged on his promise to baby-sit...this wasn't the first time, i recalled...or second, or third...she drove 150 miles and was able to stay just one hour before having to return home because it was past the boy's bedtime...no dinner for her...no reminiscing...no mingling...disappointment was all over her face like ticker tape on wall street...it was the same look she wore the previous year when she told me how her husband had remembered her birthday only after she came home from work carrying the flowers i had sent her...

then there was my other girlfriend...my pal since the sixth grade...i thought about the nasty divorce she had gone through...she'd thought they had a good marriage...then she learned about her husband's mistress for the past eight years...

and what would i do without my good friend who always installed my computer and stereo equipment because he tolerated my phobic ignorance of anything electrical...i remember he stood by the appetizers happily chomping down buffalo wings...this kind and funny man...his heart was broken one morning when his wife woke up and decided she didn't want to be married anymore...instead, she wanted to pursue a teaching career...in alaska...

heartbreak, betrayal and disappointment...all experienced by wonderful, loving people who deserved so much better...

and that was it...my blinding epiphany...i realized at that very moment that i was blessed to have more love in my life than do many married people...

people who got married because it was expected of them...
or because they were afraid of being alone...
or who stay married because they think it's better than being single...it's not...
and on the offset...i do have incredible stories of friends who have found beautiful lasting love...they found that perfect connection...

a certificate or vow (unfortunately) doesn't guarantee love or devotion...only the heart can promise that...and as i watched my friend with her sons reluctantly leave a room filled with love and warmth, i was reminded of a quote "don't marry the man you can live with...marry the man you can't live without."

i still hope to one day meet that special man who wants to marry me...but if he continues living in a parallel universe...i won't be at a loss...because i'll always have my friends...

them, i can't live without...

just breathe...

today was a strange day...it was packed full of fitting models for an upcoming fashion show...picking up donations for the auctions...but in between all that...there was a nagging knot...i can't explain it...other than....i sometimes tend to think too much...

today was one of those days...from the moment i woke up...my brain was reeling...thoughts swirling around every which way...and as the day progressed...the thoughts got more and more intense...

the thing is...that there wasn't anything that happened that would prompt me to go on this thinking fest...it just happens every once in a while...i start analyzing...comtemplating...thinking up scenarios in my head...till i get to the point that i am now...a throbbing headache...

just breathe...i know i thought that several times today...and i remember taking some deep breaths...but my mind kept swirling...and swirling..and swirling...

there are times where i believe you can think through things so much...that you end up with results in your head that are so preposterous...but that is what happens when you let your thoughts get the best of you...as i did today...

there are times that my emotions get the best of me...and it is in those times...i know that i need to be careful with my thoughts...because i can make something that is completely fine...suddenly become an out of control emotional roller coaster...

so...as i quiet my heart...my thoughts...i continue telling myself...

just breathe...

tomorrow is a new day...can't wait for this day to end...

thoughts from a hopeless romantic...

relationships...i am so intrigued by them...i love hearing how a couple met...how a couple makes it work...the "little" and the "big" things that make a relationship special...

we each inherit a legacy of marriage...defining ourselves with or against our parent's marriage...in this sense, children are given a chance to finish the work of an earlier generation, studying the past and then applying the lessons to their own lives...this doesn't always guarantee brighter outcomes...but hopefully you can take from it...lessons learned...

my own parents...are looking at celebrating fifty years together next year...one of my favorite things about them is something that i have never told them...it is almost like my little secret...a moment that brings me such joy and such hope...

i have the key to their home...so when i come over to visit them...i just help myself in...after all they gave me the key for a reason...right? when i enter their home...i walk through the living room, then the dining room...to get to the kitchen...this is usually the time they notice that i am there...during my walk through the house...the most wonderful sound is heard in the house...
my mom & dad talking...a lot of times laughing...about anything and everything...

sometimes it still amazes me that after so many years...they still can sit with each other...every day...and talk & laugh...it truly warms my heart...every time...

this year, i began a new chapter in my life...armed with the defeat of a relationship from prior year...but also with a strong sense of idealism...relationships end...i get that...and for me...the most important thing...is to learn from it...to evaluate your own actions...what could have been done better...what should have been avoided...you shape yourself against the grain of unhappiness...i don't believe in luck...but i do believe that you need to be in the right mindset...be in the right place...to meet someone new...my romantic side sees it as if i whirled around the dance floor a little recklessly and somehow landed in the arms of the right man at the end of the night...but truthfully, i think my current happiness is made up of some unknowable combination...as unknowable as love itself...of work and circumstance...it has to do with my own yearning to still a shaky sense of family and the joyous moment of meeting someone who so deeply makes me happy...

i'd like to describe him to you...his amazing character and integrity...his care and encouragement...his beautiful blue eyes and distinguished face...and the meaning he has brought to my life...i could tell you the stories that make up the very marrow of our budding relationship...the ways he has helped me know myself, his devoted love of family and friends...or the way that emotional subtlety and outrageous humor reside together so comfortably in him...i could tell you that his care for me both draws me out and steadies me on the beam...or i could simply recount the time, he...knowing how uncomfortable i felt...grabbed my hands...and softly counted steps in my ear...as he danced with me...but then i'd be trying to convince you of something that is mine alone to know...there is no way to explain why someone walks into a room and awakens your most primal dreams...

several weeks ago...i was seated next to a gentleman at a dinner party...he's in his midsixties and has been married for 38 years...when i asked him what essential bit made his marriage last, he grasped uncomfortably for the answer. "she's still my best friend," he said, then slightly grimaced at his own corny explanation. "we amuse each other...we have a shared interest in our children." his eyes closed and fluttered as he concentrated, searching for more. "a long marriage can sometimes feel like a life imprisonment," he said, suddenly opening his eyes again. "but love also changes again and again and again over the years...don't expect that what you have now will be what you have down the road. you won't even recognize why you first fell in love." he shrugged, offering one last possiblity. "and some people are just lifers."

i felt torn...i respected the words of an intelligent man who has been married for decades...i tried to weave his weary appreciation into my own future...imagining me feeling the same way...and i also shrugged off his words with the impishness of a teenager...i am impatient with those who resist marriage after having chosen it...who don't endorse it fully...why not just love love? why let time wear it down? i hope that won't happen to me...

perhaps my determination and optimism won't carry me effortlessly into the future...i may have to lose my grip, to let time have its way...my gratefulness for having a happy life on the back of many sad losses...i continue to face the coming days inevitable and unpredictable...making it up along the way...i may have to draw on strengths i can't be sure i have or face the frightening truths about ourselves that long-time intimacy can so often demand...

or maybe i'll just be a happy lifer...

still, i go forward with the only reason i can think of...the hopeless romantic in me...believes in relationships...believes in two people making it...believes in love...