connections...

after an interesting conversation with a friend...in regards to marriage, singleness and everything in between...i decided to write down my thoughts and summary of "my" side of the conversation...

connections are an interesting thing...i believe that a connection to a person comes in different ways...connections are made with people who keep a warm place in our hearts...

in my life now...it is me, myself and my friends...happily ever after...what i've always been sure about...is that whether or not i had a mr. right...i could take stock of my friends...and know that i couldn't ask for much more....

as a chartered member of the 40-something club...i am someone who can say "i never married," as opposed to my 30-something days when optimism inspired me to say "i'm not married yet."
ah youth, i miss it already...

in those days i believed mr. right was just around the corner...now i realize that this corner must be somewhere in a parallel universe...and me? i'm in this universe alone, a fairly successful single woman trying to make a decent go of it...if i had a hat to throw in the air...i'd be indistinguishable from mary tyler moore...

normally i'm content being single...the only time i'm really bugged is on valentine's day...during a crisis, when i need furniture moved or when i decide to paint the ceiling (which, come to think of it, IS a crisis). then i curse the absence of a human being that is legally bound, by law and God to be there for me when i need him...

someone is truly connected only when they want to be, not because a legal ruling or commandment tells them so...this news flash hit me a few years ago when i walked into a restaurant to celebrate my birthday with a girlfriend and discovered many of my friends there for a surprise birthday dinner party...dear friends that i share priceless memories with...memories and experiences that connect us in ways that a marriage certificate doesn't always guarantee...

that realization hit me when i observed a friend unable to enjoy the appetizers and free-flowing champagne because she was too busy chasing after her rambunctious young sons...in between ordering the boys to "stop that!" and "put that down!' she expressed her disgust over her husband...who had reneged on his promise to baby-sit...this wasn't the first time, i recalled...or second, or third...she drove 150 miles and was able to stay just one hour before having to return home because it was past the boy's bedtime...no dinner for her...no reminiscing...no mingling...disappointment was all over her face like ticker tape on wall street...it was the same look she wore the previous year when she told me how her husband had remembered her birthday only after she came home from work carrying the flowers i had sent her...

then there was my other girlfriend...my pal since the sixth grade...i thought about the nasty divorce she had gone through...she'd thought they had a good marriage...then she learned about her husband's mistress for the past eight years...

and what would i do without my good friend who always installed my computer and stereo equipment because he tolerated my phobic ignorance of anything electrical...i remember he stood by the appetizers happily chomping down buffalo wings...this kind and funny man...his heart was broken one morning when his wife woke up and decided she didn't want to be married anymore...instead, she wanted to pursue a teaching career...in alaska...

heartbreak, betrayal and disappointment...all experienced by wonderful, loving people who deserved so much better...

and that was it...my blinding epiphany...i realized at that very moment that i was blessed to have more love in my life than do many married people...

people who got married because it was expected of them...
or because they were afraid of being alone...
or who stay married because they think it's better than being single...it's not...
and on the offset...i do have incredible stories of friends who have found beautiful lasting love...they found that perfect connection...

a certificate or vow (unfortunately) doesn't guarantee love or devotion...only the heart can promise that...and as i watched my friend with her sons reluctantly leave a room filled with love and warmth, i was reminded of a quote "don't marry the man you can live with...marry the man you can't live without."

i still hope to one day meet that special man who wants to marry me...but if he continues living in a parallel universe...i won't be at a loss...because i'll always have my friends...

them, i can't live without...