the path of life is seldom without ups, downs...and even...turn-arounds...i find some days i skip along merrily with my hair dancing in the breeze (not really...my hair is much to short...but doesn't it sound good?), while other days i drag my sorry self about as if i'm carrying the weight of the world in my backpack...between the breezy days and the backpack days...are the endless brick-carrying days...which seem to be how i spend the majority of my time...my brick days are the times i purpose to put one foot in front of the other...taking care to do the tasks at hand...i choose on those days to believe that the discipline as well as the drudgery fit into a higher destiny...that the bricks of obedience and follow-through serve a greater purpose than just to give me an aerobic workout...
the problem with transporting bricks is that we are so busy with the lifting and the carrying that we catch only glimpses of the progress...perhaps that is as it was meant to be...lest we become so impressed with our little stack of bricks that we distract ourselves from the higher calling...which is...to add our bricks to the tried-and-true paths laid by those who have gone before us...this task is for our benefit and for those who will follow after us...
after all, there is nothing like a well-ordered, well-lit, well-marked path...
so where is this thought process coming from?? i've been reading about mary of bethany...
mary, sister of martha, seems inseparable from her sibing; each time we read of one sister, we hear of the other...well, almost every time...for instance, remember when the brick path led to their doorway, and the duo entertained Jesus and His disciples in their home? martha felt put upon because while she was saddled with all the chores, mary was seated at Jesus' feet...what a to-do that caused! i mean, folks have been finger-pointing at the sisters ever since...picking sides over who was right and who was wrong...should mary have helped martha prepare for their guests, or should martha have been sitting next to mary at the Savior's feet?
hmmm...i just wonder if they both weren't doing the right thing...perhaps their portrait paints for us two necessary paths that are often women's to walk in: one of physical leadership and service and one of spiritual availability and responsiveness...of course...the challenge is figuring out when to walk each path in life's fullness...
mary seemed certain of her calling in regard to Jesus...we see that her footpath led her repeatedly to His feet...that's where we find her sitting, weeping, kneeling, listening, and ever questioning...life's demands were not about to vie for mary's attention...somehow she sensed her time to be with the Savior was now...Jesus acknowledged her wisdom and affirmed her decisions...how deeply satisfying that must have been...
i want to be a mary...yet i also need to be a martha...she was busy with many things, which is true for most of us...we are called to be responsible for the tasks at hand...yet we long to be spiritually responsive to the Lord...so must we give up one path to follow the other - or is it possible these two paths converge at certain points?
i believe we can pace our race...not easy...but possible...it takes determination to pick up one foot and put it in front of the other without forsaking the sitting-at-His-feet time...
i want to walk a purposed path in hopes that i, too, will know the sweetness of His approval while doing my part to leave a clear path...
my youngest...who happens to be sasha...the one eyed kitty...truly is an entertaining cat...he is just...well...quirky...
he has many wierd actions that truly make him a...well...interesting specimen...
tonite...for example...i came home after a VERY long day...and although i have been fighting it...decided to turn the heater on...i guess it is part of my denial that it is getting colder...and that summer is truly behind us...there have actually already been a few very cold days...but i chose to freeze under a blanket...instead of turning on that heater...
now i understand why sasha and i are such a good fit =) could it be i have my own quirks??
so...back to the story...the heater is on...i come downstairs...chester...my older "normal" cat is in his bed...as per usual...and sasha?
i forgot...one of his quirks...he loves sitting on top of the heater grate...
he must be pretty excited sitting there...knowing that he will have months of frying on top of the heater grates...i seriously have no idea how that is comfortable for him...i have picked him up before...and his fur is HOT...but he sits comfortably - not noticing...
but if he is not feeling the burn...so to speak...who am i to take this pleasure away from him?
last week i attended the mid-peninsula republican women's federation luncheon...i was pretty excited because i knew that there was going to be a fashion show...so of course...anything to do with fashion...makes me excited...
but this was going to be different...this was going to be about the history of fashion from 1800 to 1933...on republican first ladies...
i blogged about it in my fashion blog...but thought some of my readers here might enjoy it as well...so i thought i would share...
there are four parts...if you love history...there is a lot of facts listed about each of the first ladies...
if you love fashion...it is great to see how the styles have changed...my favorite remains to be the bathing suit...it just cracks me up how there is not a stitch of skin showing...but it was the bathing suit of that time...
i have been struggling a bit with some very big decisions in my life...wrestling with one in particular where the line between selfishness and generosity is very very blurry...
what to do?? that is the question...
seldom does God allow us a sneak peek into our futures...He gives us wonderful promises and prophetic statements...but we don't know the ins and outs of His plans...i'd love to own a pair of holy binoculars so i could see what's coming...
or would i??
i think about my life just in the past year...the end result (the now) is good...but the beginning and middle was excruciating...if i had seen through long-distance glasses that i would suffer as i did..i don't think i would have had the strength to walk into that season...
no, on second thought, forget the binoculars...i'll stick with the life of faith...taking one step at a time and trusting the Lord to see me through...come what may...He "sees" so much better than i do...for He is my Alpha and Omega...i'm grateful that all our beginnings and endings...all our comings-in and goings-out...all our losses and all our gains...are in His sovereign care...
Lord, I am amazed and grateful that You desire to converse with me...and quite honestly, i'm not sure at times how You get a word in edgewise...
quiet my incessant need to fill the air with chitchat...open my reluctant lips when i carry Your message...
esther was cautious and yet courageous...she was still and yet outspoken...she was young and yet wise...and You used her as Your messenger to protect a nation...how do You desire to use me?
You have given me language so that i might express my feelings for You and others...may i be sensitive to the leading of Your Spirit so that i pace both my walk and my talk...teach me to be fluent in Your love and selective in my words...that what emanates from my lips may inspire others to learn...to grow...and to celebrate their lives...
when i first saw this video...it really griped at my heart...i am not a mom...but even without being a mom...i have had children placed in my life...whether through teaching sunday school, choir, being an aunt...having friends that had children...
one thing i know...children are like a sponge...they take everything in...as the end of this video states...children see...children do...
this song has always been a favorite of mine...and a reminder...although the words are from a dad about a son...we really can apply this to so many areas of our lives...because as much as the children watch us...and we need to be so aware of that...adults are watching us as well...
"i want to be just like you" phillips, craig & dean"
He climbs in my lap for a goodnight hug He calls me Dad and I call him Bub With his faded old pillow and a bear named Pooh He snuggles up close and says, "I want to be like you" I tuck him in bed and I kiss him goodnight Trippin' over the toys as I turn out the light And I whisper a prayer that someday he'll see He's got a father in God 'cause he's seen Jesus in me
Lord, I want to be just like You 'Cause he wants to be just like me I want to be a holy example For his innocent eyes to see Help me be a living Bible, Lord That my little boy can read I want to be just like You 'Cause he wants to be like me
Got to admit I've got so far to go Make so many mistakes and I'm sure that You know Sometimes it seems no matter how hard I try With all the pressures in life I just can't get it all right But I'm trying so hard to learn from the best Being patient and kind, filled with Your tenderness 'Cause I know that he'll learn from the things that he sees And the Jesus he finds will be the Jesus in me Right now from where he stands I may seem mighty tall But it's only 'cause I'm learning from the best Father of them all
i firmly believe that one of the most luxurious ways to spend an afternoon or evening is planted in a comfy chair, lost in a book...any book...novels, biographies, travel accounts, history, cookbooks, whatever strikes your fancy...just read...read often, read always, read everywhere...
this is my escape...
reading can do so many luxurious things for you...take you far away from your daily struggles, give you a glimpse into other worlds, teach you things you might otherwise never learn...
among my useless pieces of knowledge is that before jakarta, indonesia was called jakarta...it was called batavia...might that come in handy someday? one never knows...does one?
who knows if one day i may win a pot of money on a game show because i know that "ghiradelli" is the answer to the question "name a 150 year old chocolate company"...
reading widely gives you confidence in the world and the firm sense that you are not alone...no matter how suddenly unbearable your life might seem...
don't forget what voltaire (you might try reading him, too) said: "let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to the world..."
these are the two words rattling about in my brain today...i almost wish it was a more glamourous prayer...surely more eloquent words could be found for what i'm feeling...but these are the words...this is my prayer...
the funny thing is i've spent my whole existance trying to find a place to settle down, people to settle down with, and a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness...all of this is good...a contented heart...thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle...
but there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be a godly woman...compromises if you will...attitudes that i've wrapped in the lie, "well, that's just how i am...and if that's all the bad that's in me...i'm doing pretty good."
i dare you, dear soul of mine...to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's word...yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord...
unearth that remnant of unforgiveness... shake loose that justification for harshness... reveal that broken shard of pride... expose that tendency to distrust...
unsettle me in the best kind of way...for when i allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long...suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul...
i can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply... i can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land... i can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes... i can rest assured though harsh winds blow, i will be held...
goodbye to my remnants, my justifications, shards, and tendencies...this is not who i am, nor who i was created to be...
goodbye shallow love, sharp words, self-focus, and suspicious fears...i am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions...
welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty i am held...
welcome my unsettled heart...
Dear Lord, make me a courageous woman who isn't afraid to pray this prayer over and over again...
today when i went out to get my mail...a lovely surprise awaited me... there it was among the junk mail, the bills, the newspaper inserts...a pale yellow envelope...with my name and address beautifully written out...no type written or white label attached...
there is something about a handwritten note or card...something that i feel has really been lost in this day and age of emails, evites, & texting...
lovely as it is to receive a handwritten note in the mail from a friend, it is just as enjoyable to sit down and write one yourself...who needs a reason? formal thank-you notes are always welcome, but just as fun to indulge in are little personal notes to tell friends you are thinking of them, or to enclose a clipped article that might be of interest...
as the shift has truly taken place to emails, faxes and computerized correspondence, think of how treasured and rare handwritten letters have become...
i say...indulge in a box of high-quality personalized stationery or note cards...such as a beautiful paper with pretty flowered lining on the inside of the envelope...and don't forget your impressive gold-stamped monogram...
it is such a delicious feeling to hold one of those stiff cards in your hand, affix a stamp carefully in the upper-right corner, and walk (or drive) it to the mailbox...makes you feel like a heroine in a jane austen novel...doesn't it?
as with so many aspects of life (love, money, kindness), what you put out there comes back to you manyfold...the more lovely letters you drop in the mail...the greater chances that your mailbox will soon be overflowing in turn...
in less than two months...i have been to six memorial services...and although they are never easy...last nite's was the hardest...david was only 25 years old...
there is always sadness attached to death...but somehow it is easier to accept for someone who has lived a good long life...
at 25...you still have your whole life ahead of you...david did not...
it was a beautiful service...the place was packed beyond capacity...all the pews were full...people were standing on the sides of the pews...in the back...in the side room...and outside...
david was loved...
as people got up to speak about david...it struck me how one after the other...the same message rang through...david loved to make people happy...david loved to make people laugh...david cared about people...
two stories that really tugged at my heart...two separate incidents that showed david's character...his heart...what he did when no one was looking...
the first was a young man who got up to speak...he said that he was david's neighbor...his father had passed away in may...and david came over every day to spend time with him, cry, talk, listen...to make sure he was ok...this young man said that even his closest friends didn't do that...the people that he had expected would be there for him...and the person he least expected...was the one that showed up...not once, not twice...but often...
the second...was shared by pastor jerry...he said one time he received a text from david asking if he had the phone number of an individual...pastor jerry looked it up...and texted him back with the information...pastor jerry than received another text from david...and it said..."thanks pastor jerry...i love you!" pastor jerry told us what an impact that had on him...first that a young guy would be so open and vulnerable with feelings...and second...that he was not afraid to tell people how he felt...
deaths are a part of life...and the memorial services...yes, they are to pay respect to the deceased...and to support the family and friends...but it also is a reminder...that we are not promised tomorrow...
i will miss seeing david sitting in front of my house...waiting for his friend (my cousin) to come out and meet him...i smile now as i think of all the times he saw me...and was so excited to say hello...as if i was the most important person on the block...
that is how david was...
these are his brother robert's words... the light at the end of the horizon leads us in different directions throughout our lives...my brother lived every day to the fullest...his life was filled with love, support and the drive to be someone in life...he touched everyone's life that he knew...and he will never be forgotten...we will never comprehend why he was taken from us so early during his life...but we will honor the legacy and memories he left behind...some things in life we will never understand...some will beat themselves over and over again...trying to determine why this happened...in these difficult times, we must remember that although his body is not with us anymore, his soul will live forever in all of our hearts... from the thoughts in your head to the tears on your face, remember these immortal words with a smile: "my name is david, i have a red jeep and it goes beep beep" =)
did the stars align last nite? did i bump my head? what has happened??
as almost everyone in my life knows...i hate (yes...a strong word...but appropriate)the rain...there has never been a time that i liked it...except maybe for the occasional sitting in front of the fire...knowing i was not going out in the rain...but...that is a rare occasion...
most people i know...love the rain...i just don't get it...
except for today...i woke up to the sound of rain...and it made me happy...am i going crazy here?? for the first time...i looked at it differently...instead of thinking of the annoyance it brings me...the uncomfortable feeling of running around in it...while balancing holding things...including the umbrella...while not getting wet...trying to avoid the puddles...
i lay in bed and thought about how the rain brings cleansing...the streets & sidewalks are washed up...debris is swept away...the plants stretch out their necks to drink up the "revivement" the water brings them...
ok...maybe a little sappy...but to me...it was a sign of renewing...that old things can be washed away...and in the midst of a dreary bleak grey day...color is springing up from the nourishment of the rain...
how cool is that?
so...this won't go down in history...as the day elena changed her view of the rain...but i do like that for the first time...i didn't get up begrudgingly thinking the day was bad because of lousy weather...i looked at it in a whole new light...
will i enjoy going out and fumbling while holding umbrella & stuff...trying not to get wet...and avoiding puddles? now come on...whatcha expect from a girl who loves sun shiny days...
as much as i love the sun...it is through the rain that most of my growing takes place...without the storms...i wouldn't know that the sun eventually comes back out...
this brought a smile to my face...in a dark dreary day...here is hoping you find your sun among the rain...
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET LOOKING AT A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
whenever i hear of someone showing courage instead of cowardice...i find myself saying..."that's what i want to be like." i wish i had more courage...i do not want to be debilitated by fear or paralyzed by anxiety...i do not want to cave in under difficult circumstances and compromise my convictions or give up on difficult challenges...i do not want to be a coward...i want to be courageous...
this is a biblical truth... "God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power" 2 timothy 1:7
i regret the fact that we usually hear about courage only when someone does some extreme act of heroism that attracts media attention...carrying an old woman out of a burning building...diving into an icy pond to save a drowning child...risking gunfire while dragging a man to safety...don't get me wrong...i love these stories...but they seem bigger than life...dramatic...once-in-a-lifetime opportunities never seem to happen to ordinary folk like you and me...but the older i get...the more i understand that it takes a great deal of courage to face life's ordinary...everyday challenges...
every single day we make choices that show whether we are courageous or cowardly...we choose between the right thing and the convenient thing...sticking to a conviction or caving in for the sake of comfort, greed or approval...we choose either to take a carefully thought-out risk or to crawl into a shrinking shell of safety, security and inactivity...we choose either to believe in God and trust Him...even though we do not always understand His ways...or to second-guess Him and cower in corners of doubt and fear...these choices come our way every day...rapid fire...we face them so frequently that we forget that we are even making them...and sometimes find ourselves going with the flow instead of carefully making courageous choices...
people say that christianity is for weak people...the cowards...i have always been fascinated by that accusation...because in my experience the exact opposite is true...it takes a great deal of old-fashioned courage to be a christian...my faith demands the best i have...in fact...a lot of courage is required even to become a christian...you have to own up to your sins before a holy God...that takes courage...
but how do you become courageous? do you make a wish? say a prayer? wave a wand?
sometimes we think courageous people were born without fear...in actuality...courageous people are ordinary people like you and me who began at some point to face their fears rather than running from them...
every fear that is faced and overcome becomes a building block...each success gives you a new sense of confidence...you grow in courage as you face your crippling fears...whatever they may be...you grow in courage as you allow your mind to be transformed...courage is not an isolated...optional character quality...it is not merely a nice trait for people who want it but unnecessary for those who are not interestd in it...courage is foundational to being a christian...
it takes courage to begin a walk with Christ...to reach out your hand and trust Him...it takes courage to lead a life of obedience to Christ...it takes courage to be moral and to build significant relationships with your spouse, your children...and with your friends...it takes courage to expand a business...change your major or start a new career...it takes courage to leave home or to go back home...
courage...we all need it...and God wants us to have it...but you cannot sit still and expect courage to come and find you...you have to go after it...
one morning i came downstairs to plug in the coffeepot...my eyes were still half shut...my slippers shuffled along the floor...making swishing sounds...i was still trying to think where i was and why was i up at this hour...as i flipped on the lights in the kitchen...i was very much awakened to the moment by a smell that made me want to run for fresh air...
someone forgot to empty the trash last nite!! oh wait...i live alone...so i guess it must have been me! no one else to blame...now i had to do the dirty job and get that stinky garbage out the door quickly...yuck yuck yuck...i took out the sack and spent the next fifteen minutes wiping the kitchen down with cleanser and spraying room deodorizer...
later that week i was talking to...or rather listening to...a friend air her troubles...she was railing about her daughter...who wears her skirts too short and doesn't ever stay at home...she was lashing out about her husband...who was working late more and more...she was worried sick about her mother...who didn't have enough to do and was wasting her life away playing bridge every day...she was mad at the president and the lcoal mayor...and on she went...
i was listening and responding occasionally with polite "uh-huhs." then it dawned on me like a light bulb: this friend had not carried her garbage out! what's more...i think she had failed to carry it out for a long time...and...even worse..."friend" was carrying her big...stinky...garbage bag along with her...i could smell it and hear it...
the vision of nameless "friend" standing there with three or four sacks of garbage slung over her shoulders brought a smile to my face...but "friend" didn't notice because she was well into a list of health problems she was naming...no wonder a bad back was among the list...carrying that much rotting garbage certainly does put a strain on the back...
even if something stupendous happened right before her eyes..."friend" would miss the whold miracle because she was totally preoccupied with the big sacks of her own emotional trash...
a spiritual life threatened by too much personal garbage...not only storing up garbage from days and years past...but working at stealing garbage from tomorrow...
what fills those spiritual hefty bags? persistent anxiety, nagging worries, deeply rooted grudges, jealousy, regrets, missed opportunities, disappointed dreams, nursed grievances, resentments, hostility...just to name a few =) no wonder it smells so bad...that adds up to a lot of trash...for heaven's sake...take your garbage out!
think about the exact pieces of garbage in your bag...maybe a grudge that has been hanging around for a few years...maybe some pent-up anger at someone...write all your garbage down on slips of paper...put them in a garbage bag and take it out...if you need to...write letters or make phone calls to set things straight between you and whomever or whatever needs forgiving, forgetting, or loving...
expert garbage collectors completely miss life's daily miracles...the presence of God's love...and creative moments with the Spirit...any ultimate hope or significant vision of the kingdom is always sustained by the meaning we find in being fully alive each day...the greatest price that spiritual garbage collectors pay is the loss of the magic of the present moment...the possibilities in today...
abandon the vendetta...forsake the rage and pity...whether it is directed at yourself or others...don't let chronic misery and gloom rob you of the goodness of today...
lay the garbage bags down...trash is heavy and it really smells bad...enter the present moment and put yourself on alert to the awakenings of the Spirit in the ordinary events of the day...life will come alive in a way you never thought possible...
"the boy in the striped pajama's"...has anyone seen this movie? i watched it over the weekend...and it is still on my mind...
it just left me feeling so sad...
i remember an ex of mine who would always laugh at me and say...that i was the one person he knew...that could find every bad story while reading the newspaper everyday...i remember how we would sit at the table...and i would read him each horrible story...i was always in shock at the cruelty of people...
ok...seriously...like it is that difficult? the world is full of so much hatred...so much violence...
i guess the one thing i am thankful for is that it still affects me to this day...and my ex...15 or so yrs later...still laughs that i tell him of stories i've read...(yes...we are still friends...it can be done) i think it would be horrible when people stop being affected by violence...because it is so common...
but then...on facebook...i saw this video...and i thought...wow...why can't there be more stories like this??
when i had my parents over for dinner on friday nite...i thought it would be fun...after dinner...to show them pics off of facebook from our family around the world...
i did not realize how that small exercise would affect my parents...
started off in the u.s with family pics from the east coast...pictures of my cousins and all the beautiful kids...
so far so good...
then i moved onto family outside of the states...
we ventured to chile...showing my parents my cousins newest addition to the family...a beautiful baby boy...was pretty amazing...they were in awe of all the family connections i had made...
we then moved on to argentina...where a lot of my family still lives...cousin after cousin...we went through the family pics...my parents were enjoying the trip...all around the world...
next came paraguay...and this is where my dad got very emotional...i showed him pics of my uncle and his kids...and their kids...my mom & dad told me more about all of them...as there were some i had never met...other than through facebook...
and then a pic showed up of my dad's uncle...his dad's brother...there was a moment of silence...my dad had no words...but you could see how it touched him to see his picture...his uncle is obviously getting very old...and it has been a while since my parents have had an opportunity to visit...
the pictures somehow helped in reconnecting with family...if only through cyber space...
my parents called me the next day...to let me know what a fun time they had at my house...i was so happy to be able to bring in so many family members to celebrate my mom's birthday...
when did monday sneak up on me? i think i got a case of the monday blues...really bad...
i'm cold...can't get warmed up for the life of me...i am in denial that summer is truly over...and so i sit in my home office...refusing to turn the heater on...because somewhere in my brain...i am thinking it will warm up in just a few...
so i choose to dwell on the picture perfect weekend that i just had...that...can at least warm up my heart...
friday nite was such a fun nite...cooked for my mom (it was her birthday)...still cracks me up that she is more excited when i cook for her...then when i take her out to a nice restaurant...and...i even surprised myself by baking her birthday cake...i have to say...it was decadent...and it was SO delish... what was it? tres leches cake...
the first time i had one was in an upscale restaurant near napa valley...i have to say i was a bit skeptical about trying to make it...but my aunt gave me a fairly simple recipe....and...well...let's just say...i was glad i got a few pieces as leftover...i had to give my mom a big chunk to take home with her...otherwise i KNOW that i would have wolfed it all down...
i'm sure i have added 5lbs to my frame...but...SO worth it...i will just need to be picky about when and what to make it again for...because it is truly...something that i would have a hard time saying no to...AND it didn't even have a morsel of chocolate...which is what my desserts usually need to have...
wow...looks like i'm branching out =)
so...back to the weekend...spent with family and friends...what better recipe for a wonderful time...
and i met some new friends...how cool is that?
so...i'm thinking maybe i should get over the monday blues...because i have a lot to be thankful for...and monday is but a day...
what can i say about myself? as i look back over my life...i realize what a wonderful life i have had. although there have been some really tough times...looking back - i wouldn't trade them for anything...i believe everything happens for a reason...and although many times i may not understand & i may ask why...ultimately God has it all in control...and i need only to trust Him.
