unsettle me...

my prayer today....

unsettle me...

these are the two words rattling about in my brain today...i almost wish it was a more glamourous prayer...surely more eloquent words could be found for what i'm feeling...but these are the words...this is my prayer...

the funny thing is i've spent my whole existance trying to find a place to settle down, people to settle down with, and a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness...all of this is good...a contented heart...thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle...

but there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be a godly woman...compromises if you will...attitudes that i've wrapped in the lie, "well, that's just how i am...and if that's all the bad that's in me...i'm doing pretty good."

i dare you, dear soul of mine...to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's word...yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord...

unearth that remnant of unforgiveness...
shake loose that justification for harshness...
reveal that broken shard of pride...
expose that tendency to distrust...

unsettle me in the best kind of way...for when i allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long...suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul...

i can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply...
i can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land...
i can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes...
i can rest assured though harsh winds blow, i will be held...

goodbye to my remnants, my justifications, shards, and tendencies...this is not who i am, nor who i was created to be...

goodbye shallow love, sharp words, self-focus, and suspicious fears...i am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions...

welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty i am held...

welcome my unsettled heart...

Dear Lord, make me a courageous woman who isn't afraid to pray this prayer over and over again...