two steps forward...

two steps forward...two steps back...yes...paula abdul's song is ringing in my head...(have i seriously dated myself?) =)i am...of course...thinking about the weather though...

what is with it? it seems week to week the weather changes are extreme...week of beautiful sun - summer weather...sundress kind of weather...kayaking, hiking, gardening kind of weather...bbq's...ok...i'll stop...

and then we blink...and we have storms...high winds...want to be inside curled up under a blanket kind of cold...

do i prefer one over the other...well...yeah...but more than that...i would prefer the weather would just pick one...and kinda stick to it for a while...do i put away my boots for the season? yes...the sandals come out...oh wait...no...bring the boots out again...sheesh...

two steps forward...two steps back...i get spring showers...but these are no showers...we are getting torrential rains...

so please...just go away...bring on spring...and then summer...i'm asking nicely =)

violence is not the answer...

i had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine last nite...he mentioned if i had caught the news on a "christian" militia group...which i hadn't...here is the article...

who are the christian militia 'Hutaree' and why was the fbi targeting them?

we then started talking about another story where a teen had hung herself after years of being bullied...and now...there were 9 people being charged for the leading up to of this horrific end...the thing is...it is not one persons life that was forever changed...

i am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing to still be surprised when i hear stories like this...that things like this are happening in america...maybe i'm living some sheltered life...who knows...all i know is it breaks my heart that this is where our world is...and then i think...how much more does it hurt the heart of God?

the militia group article...well...it amazes me that they somehow are justifying their actions as "godly" and taken straight from the word...huh? which word are we reading from?

my friend and i talked last nite about how it used to be...of course things are going to change...but it saddens me...that kids today...are not able to live in the world that i lived in growing up...where it was safe to play on the streets...

is there anything we can do? do we sit inside our homes and pretend everything is fine? i don't know...what i do know...is that violence is not the answer...we as a nation need to pray as never before...

love thy neighbor...except for?

this past week president obama passed a health care bill that many thought was impossible...it was a huge triumph for his administration and for the democratic party...i was on twitter when the votes came in and watched some celebrate and others mourn...

for those that know me...you know that i was raised in a home that was the perfect portrait of all things pentecostal, conservative, and republican...while my views do lean more toward the conservative side...i truly do not like to go around spouting that i am a republican...or a pentecostal for that matter...i am first and foremost a follower of Jesus and i am also very much pro-life...so, these usually determine who i vote for...

in the days following the passing of the health care bill...i was surprised and quite honestly appalled at the behavior of not only those against the bill but also those who claim to be christians...shouting obscenities, calling people horrible names, putting together a “hit list” of states and senators that we should “attack”? seriously? is this where fear has led you? i don’t get it...and it’s not ok...

in this world, you WILL have trouble...you WILL disagree...you WILL get angry...there WILL be injustice...things WILL be unfair...but NONE of these give you a free pass to act like an idiot...you are still expected to walk in LOVE & respect...and you are expected to PRAY...

the bottom line is that people are scared...our country is NOT in a great place right now...but regardless of who the president is...what bills pass...and what rush says on his radio show...God is still God...He’s still in charge...and He asks that we not fear...that we trust Him and that we continue to love each other...there is no “love thy neighbor as long as they agree with you” scripture...

the bible is clear that as the time approaches for Jesus to return...things will get worse...be careful who you throw your faith and trust upon...and be sure that you are found bearing fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control...even when you DISAGREE...

when all around is sinking sand...You will stand...the great I AM...

waking up on fridays...

there is something wonderful about waking up and knowing it is friday...i live for weekends...and although i have a job that allows me more freedom in my schedule...owning a business does that...(along with stress, headaches, and lots of work)...but in reality...if i want to take a day off in the middle of the week to garden...hike...kayak...____________ fill in the blank =) well...i can...for the most part...

but fridays are a feeling of "end" to me...end of a week...end of a hard working week...end of a stressful week...end of a fun week...i mostly enjoy this feeling...obviously...when i've had a bad week...it is the feeling of...it's over...take a breath...you made it...and life goes on...

that...and the fact that i live for weekends...and of course...as i write that...because of my schedule...most of my friends would laugh...but for the most part...i am working during the week =)...so yes...i do live for the weekend...

i tend to book up my weekends half way...to have some plans in the work...but also have room for spontaneity...just in case some last minute wonderful plan comes up...and i need a little time for me...to regroup...to just be me...in the quiet...promises of sunshine help...and i'm set...

so whatever you are doing this weekend...enjoy it...

old friends...old city...

my good friend lou from chicago has had to fly to san francisco quite a bit lately...so we have been having some great get togethers...and boy...can we talk...these late nites are catching up to me...but i have to say...it has been pretty fun...

louster & i met way back in my reuter days...when i was in the thick & thin of corporate america...we had started working on a project together...and became fast friends...

there are those few people you meet in life...where it just clicks...not necessarily in a romantic way...but you just "get" each other...that would be louster & me...our banter back and forth...our vast list of topics we cover...and the playful bashing...almost like a brother/sister relationship...

lou has had to come out every other week...which has been really fun...of course to see him...but also...to hit alot of the san francisco restaurants that i used to frequent a lot more when i worked in the city...

city life has its own vibe...and although i am a suburb girl...i have that "city" life part that needs feeding...so...i'm really getting a lot of it now...

i think though...i'm gonna need a nap...

a little heart cleaning...

yesterday i mopped the wood floors in my house...i worked with so much energy it might have looked like i was a clean freak or, at the very least, industrious...i am neither of those things...believe me...in fact...i really didn’t even notice the dust bunnies flying through the air...i was hurt...trying to sweep away thoughts from the words in an email written by a friend...

i had spent most of the morning mulling over the words from the day before...wondering why i didn’t say something...wondering if i should say something...wondering why she did and said the things she did...i finally put on some music...took out the mop...and asked God for His grace because mine didn’t seem to be big enough at the moment...

i’ve heard people throw out advice on forgiveness as if dispensing aspirin...they casually say things like, “Jesus forgave, why don’t you?” the reality is that you and i aren’t Jesus...it’s an uneven journey at best as we accept His grace and strive to learn from His example...the practice of living a forgiving lifestyle can be an ominous task...there is incredible freedom in living a life of mercy, but it’s not something that we just find along the way...it’s a purposeful intent to move beyond the burden and restrictions of bitterness...anger...rage...or unresolved emotions tied to a person or event...

forgiveness is a bridge i thought i had crossed and yet here i was again...i had forgiven an abusive, dysfunctional relationship...i understand the joy and freedom that comes through forgiving others...so why was the small stuff tripping me up? perhaps it is because i am still growing, a process that will never stop...

Jesus met a man who was paralyzed...his friends brought him to Jesus on a mat...the need was obvious, but instead of healing his legs Jesus said, “your sins are forgiven...” (matthew 9:2) isn’t it interesting that He addressed the issue of the man’s heart before attending to his physical body?

He hasn’t changed...He still sees my heart...i have forgiven...but i will continue to become a forgiver as i meet life’s challenges...to do that...i have to give myself a little grace, but also invite Him into the process...

maybe you’re like i once was...dealing with the hurts of the past...and forgiveness seems impossible...forgiving doesn’t mean that abuse can continue or that what happened is okay...what it does mean is that you are ready to live life free of entanglements to the past...

maybe you have grappled with the big issues and they no longer hold power over you...but the little stuff is the big stuff and you are tired of it...

ralph waldo emerson said, “what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us...”as i talked with my Savior...He settled in and made Himself at home in the situation...yesterday my house got cleaned...but so did my heart...and then there was further confirmation during bible study last nite...driving home...i was overwhelmed with emotion...the Lord knows my heart...He knows that yesterday's situation was out of my hands...out of my control...and in going through the process that i knew i needed to go through...He lovingly confirmed throughout...that He was there...right along side of me...

what i have learned is...that when we are willing to forgive...it moves us one step closer to deep-seated faith marked by grace...

forgiveness does not always come easy...but i am learning...one person at a time...i won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt...but i am willing to forgive...i’m not always big enough...but He is...and i am grateful...i won’t forgive based on a person’s response...or even what is fair...but instead i will trust that He desires my heart to be free so that He can love in and through me...

nite out with etta...

last nite i ventured out for dinner with one of my favorite clients...and friend...etta is 90 years old...a feisty italian woman...who has the most extraordinary stories on earth...and as she tells these stories...i always say to her..."you need to write a book"...

dinner was at 5:30...which is very early for me...but...hey...she is 90 yrs old...i think she should be able to pick whatever time she wants...don't you think? i picked her up...and as always...she was dressed fabulously...if i live to be 90...i sure hope that i still dress stylishly...i truly believe...one is never too old...she enjoys fashion...and although she doesn't have many occasions to dress up...when possible...she goes all out...

i dropped etta off at about 10pm...so now you can get an idea of how we can chit chat for hours...and lose track of time...i'm sure it was way past her bed-time...but we had an exceptional time...laughing, talking, reminiscing & dreaming...

yes...etta still has dreams...it is no wonder i love her so much...

things that make me happy...

a new pair of shoes? most definately...but it really is not all about the shoes for me...well...uh...almost...

click here...to see what makes me happy...AND warms my heart...

the scene under my desk...

so yesterday...i was working away at my desk...things seemed awfully quiet...i usually have one cat snoring (pretty loudly) and the other...causing ruckus...non-stop...i have to say...my two boys are like my kids...and just like parents say that when things are quiet...it usually means the kids are up to something...this would be the case with my two cats...usually...

yesterday...however...i stopped working for a moment...and wondered what my kitties were up to...looked under my desk...and this is what i saw...


the reason for the two beds...is that these two...particularly the younger one...fight over bed space...so...being the smart mom...i thought...two cats...two beds...

like any mom...when i see moments of pure "getting along" bliss...it just warms my heart...

here is their close-up...

what i love about spring...

the weather this past week has been nothing short of glorious...spring...with its warming rays and longer days...certainly puts everyone in a happier mood...a few days ago i did a post on daylight saving time...i have always felt that one hour change to be the great divide between the long, dreary winter and the spring awakening...this week...from the moment i bought my first batch of tulips...to the beautiful weather...and actually seeing buds on the trees...i just feel like doing cartwheels all the way home...there is new life blooming again...

the official first day of spring is this coming saturday...it's coming...

these are the things I love best about spring...

spring flowers...especially tulips...look at the vibrant colors...fabulous!



the feeling of my energy being renewed...

the sound of birds chirping...

longer hours of daylight...

eating outside...

going to the park and reading...

enjoying all your outdoor activities again such as gardening and walking around the neighborhood...hiking...being outside after months of suffering from cabin fever is so blissful...

spring cleaning...ok...maybe not on the top of my list...but getting myself organized is immensely satisfying...

bright spring hues on my pedicured toes...

the smell of freshly cut grass...

ice cream...

opening my window and smelling the fresh air...

stripping away the layers and layers of clothing...not needing to leave my house with hats, scarves and gloves...

wearing sexy pajamas and no longer fidgeting in your flannels...

healthy eating...i tend to eat lighter in the warmer weather...salads...fruits taste amazing after months of comfort food...

outdoor concerts...

wearing bright, light and breezy clothing after months of dark colors and heavy wools...

sundresses, sandals and flip flops...need I say more?

tell me, what are you looking forward to the most this spring?

the broken pot...

this was a portion of the devotional i read today...

Are you a broken or crushed pot today? Are you suffering because of the loss of a job or the current financial crisis? Are your emotions broken and bruised because of the rejection of a friend or husband? Are you experiencing crushing loneliness because of the loss of someone dearly loved? Is your heart torn and bleeding for a wayward child? If you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, He says even in catastrophic times He is not only with you but longing to pour out through you. God's Word that you have been storing away in the quiet times with Him can be revealed through your brokenness. He sees your pain, and His heart breaks with your every hurt. You are dearly loved. Hold on to His promise that your brokenness is not wasted but releases His Spirit to do works of perseverance, power, character and hope.

i know reading this does not change my circumstances...it doesn't change the lives of those who in one way or another have said or done things...those who have not kept their word...the thing is...i could go on and on...but this devotional gave me a sense of peace...that no matter who or what is happening around me...to me...in my life...not in my life...it just doesn't compare to the fact that God is aware of it all...He knows...He sees...He hears...

at times...i've been a very intact pot...moldering and hidden in a cave while the world around me sinks into the abyss of the absence of His word...i pray today that God would use the broken places in me for His great glory and ultimate good...i pray even as He walks with me through the broken places of my life that His word would be exposed and powerful in a lost and dying world...

Lord...i come to you in brokenness today...i give myself over to you even in my weakness and frailness...no matter if I've been broken by sin or circumstances...i ask you to fill my broken pot and pour out through me...

where will my words lead?

have you ever said words such as: “i’m just telling you this so you will pray for her,” or “i’m really not supposed to share this; just don’t tell anyone else...” truthfully...i’ve been guilty of trying to hide gossip with words like this...but God has really been convicting me lately about my words...or i should say...more appropriately...my thoughts...which is good & bad at the same time...the good is that the thought is in my head...to say something...but i feel God's conviction before i say it...of course...i would prefer not to have the thought in my head at all...

but through all this...God is challenging me to speak godly words...now that this subject of godly words is on my heart...it seems that God is bringing verses and life-lessons about this topic wherever i turn...

as i drove home from dinner with friends the other nite...i realized that God had used my friend that night to deliver one of those life-lessons about godly words...out of all the discussions that night...her words were the ones that stayed with me...her words had pointed me to a deeper understanding of God...so much so that i wrote them in my journal and even shared them with another friend...

over the ten years that i’ve know her...i have learned many lessons about godly words from her...first...i’ve never heard her gossip about another woman...the definition of gossip is “idle talk or rumor...talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature...” in titus 2:3 we women are instructed not to be “malicious gossips.” God knew that we women might struggle with our words...my girlfriend has never even hinted at gossiping about another woman...that’s an amazing track record...

the second lesson about godly words from my girlfriend has been the way she talks about her husband and her marriage...we’ve had many honest conversations about our relationship challenges...hers with her marriage...and me...with a boyfriend...once again...she has never gossiped about her husband...even at times when she’s been angry or frustrated with her husband...she doesn’t berate him or share details that would embarrass him...

finally...one of the keys to her godly words is in the amount she speaks...this to me...is very important...and i have seen it demonstrated in her life...time and time again...she is neither overly quiet nor overly talkative...the words she says are wise and point me to God...her example in the amount she speaks teaches me to ask myself: do i really need to say anything in this situation...or do i just want to hear myself talk?

i’m very much a work-in-progress in this area of godly talk...i’ve spent plenty of time lately confessing the sin of my ungodly talk...and i’m thankful for my heavenly Father who doesn’t give up on me but calls me to His standards...i’ll end with two things that are really helping me in this area...i have a friend who is also working on this and we hold each other accountable...and i have a question that i’m trying to use as a guideline for godly talk: are my words going to lead to gossip or to God?

God knows what is in my heart...and He knows that godly talk is something that's challenging to me...above all...i want to honor Him with my words...i want to be a woman who can be trusted by others not to harm them...and i want to be trusted by the Lord...to speak only what honors Him...in this growth process...He is making me aware of situations of people who might tempt me to gossip...He is giving me the strength to avoid those situations...

so the next time you are tempted to speak...ask yourself...

are my words going to lead me to gossip...or to God?

daylight saving time...

nothing delights me more then daylight saving time...well...ok...that is probably a huge overstatement =) but i do love what it signifies...

spring is right around the corner...

although we are still a week away from the first day of spring...changes are taking place...the first...the obvious...was that yesterday...it didn't get dark till later in the day...that just makes my heart happy! really...

so what does it signify for me?

longer sunny days...

gardening...

hiking...

kayaking...

outdoor cafes...

bbq's...

this is my favorite time of year...and i am embracing it...

long long long never ending line...

things that make you go...hmmm...

guess i had one of those moments yesterday...well...maybe not so much a hmmm....moment as much as a...that makes no sense...moment...

so...it was one of those rare occasions where i actually had to go inside the bank vs the good ole atm machine...i have to say...it is quite fascinating the goings on inside the bank...keeps me entertained while standing in that long long long never ending line...

so what was it that captivated my attention yesterday? glad you asked!

it actually struck me as odd...here we were...me and all the other poor folk standing in the long long long never ending line...and we all had full view of the pretty teller stations...i counted...there were 12...12 teller stations...and only 2 were open...and then there is the long long long never ending line...

does that make sense? the thing that was more crazy...was all the bank employees...just standing...standing...and periodically saying "we will be right with you" i guess it wouldn't have been so annoying if these said people were diligently working on something...anything...but they were just standing...not with customers...not on the phone...not at a desk...just standing...looking at the long long long never ending line...i counted 6 of these employees...

huh??

it is interesting to watch people react...the first reaction when they walk into the inside of the bank...and see the long long long never ending line...the second reaction...when the long long long never ending line is not moving...the third reaction...when they realize there are only 2 teller stations open...the fourth reaction...when the 6 employees standing around doing absolutely nothing...keep telling the people in the long long long never ending line that "we will be right with you"

need i go on? there are reasons i do not go into the inside of a bank...i don't know if the lovely 12 teller stations are for looks...just the illusion of "we are here to serve" or what...but...i think that the people in the long long long never ending line would have appreciated the 6 employees standing around doing nothing...to open up 6 empty teller stations...

just a thought...

worry is like a rocking chair...

one of my favorite things to see is a rocking chair on a front porch...looking at it makes me feel peace-full...i don't have a rocking chair...or a front porch...(well...not one big enough to warrant a rocking chair) but i sure would like to...

worry is the opposite of peace-full...it leaves me peace-less...

there are times when i don't even realize i'm worried...my mind is wired to think a lot so i get used to the constant flurry of motion in my brain...worry will start to slowly creep in...and then before i know it...there's a stirring in my heart...my neck is tense...my mind won't shift gears and little concerns have kicked into full-blown worry...

author linda dillow says, "worry is like a rocking chair...it will give you something to do but it won't get you anywhere..." ok...so much for my image of peace-full! but she is right...worry...like a rocking chair...gets me nowhere...and when i stop worrying...i realize i've wasted valuable time and mental energy thinking about something i can't change when i should've been talking to God...since He's the only one who can change things....

in philippians 4:6-7, paul tells us how we can find peace to replace our worries...he reminds us the Lord is near and tells us, "don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything...tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done..then you will experience God's peace...which exceeds anything we can understand...His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

the niv translation...verse 7 reads..."the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." i love the promise that God's peace could transcend my need to understand...sometimes that's my biggest problem...i wouldn't be so worried about what God is doing if He'd just explain why...so i could understand better... =)

but God doesn't say He'll give us understanding in this verse...He says He'll give us peace in the midst of not understanding...and that's what i want...i want God's nearness to be my good...and trusting His sovereignty to be my goal...according to His word...all i have to do is:

stop worrying – press the pause button on my consuming concerns...
start praying – open my mouth and tell God what i need...
start thanking God – remind my heart of God's faithfulness by thanking Him for what He's done...

now that is doable...so...why do i forget this time and time again? why is it so hard to do? why do we naturally do the opposite? i think it's because we listen to the enemy's whispers...do not be calm about anything...instead worry about everything...tell God what He should do and take control if He doesn't listen...before we know it...our concerns are consuming us and our worries are robbing us of God's promised peace...

the good thing...is that we don't have to live that way...God promises to provide just what we need...to keep us in perfect peace...as we put our trust in Him and not in our worries...so...today when our concerns consume us...let's choose to stop and empty our hearts of our worries...talk to God about what we need and thank Him for His faithfulness and provision...it's amazing how "peace-full" comes when we stop worrying...start praying and begin thanking God for what He has done and will do...

uh yeah...i get jealous...

"do you ever get jealous?" my friend asked me...i could tell she was hesitant to ask me this...what if i said i don't struggle with jealousy...and she was left alone with her feelings spread out in front of us...vulnerable and exposed...

in that moment...i had a choice to make - be honest and vulnerable with her or gloss over the truth with some spiritual platitude...to say out loud what i wish weren't true...or purport those feelings i wish were true...in a split second...i made the decision...

"of course!" i responded..."i struggle with jealousy more than i wish i did..." i watched her breathe a sigh of relief that she was not alone...and then we spent some time talking about the things we find ourselves being jealous of...how petty we feel about it...and how we keep our focus in the right place...redirecting our thoughts to where they need to be instead of running off on a jealous tangent...

truth be told...i wish i wasn't prone to those jealous feelings...jealous that this person got a great new client...jealous that this person got booked to speak at an event i really wanted to do...jealous that this person gets waaay more blog comments and waaaay more hits than I ever dreamt of...jealous at this person's true gift for writing, and that person's unique blend of humor and profundity...jealous of houses, clothes, weight...i mean seriously...must i go on? it's so base...so silly...so human...

God has taught me much about jealousy...how to turn from it...how to guard myself against it...but unfortunately...knowing what to do and actually forcing my mind and my will to do it are sometimes two different things...through the years...God has shown me "the rest of the story" when people i was jealous of in the past had terrible things happen to them...and i heard His whisper: "still want her life?" oh, how ashamed i was for wanting what was never mine to have...because i couldn't handle the burdens that accompanied that life...He knew it, why couldn't i accept it? yes...the big green-eyed monster does rise up within me unbidden...too often for my taste...i want to slay him forever but he seems to have multiple lives...returning again and again to take up residence in a heart that isn't supposed to be his home...

do i ever get jealous? absolutely...do i want to be jealous? not at all...each day I focus on who God created me to be (complete with gifts as well as limits) and the situation He has placed me in...i re-situate my mental blinders so that i am not tempted to look to my right or my left...i keep my focus on Him...and Him alone...when i do that...jealousy has no place in my life...the trick is to keep doing that every day...learning to be content where He has me and resting fully in that...

so my prayer is always...dear Lord...please help me not to be jealous of others...please help me to keep blinders on...not looking to the right or to the left at the people around me...but constantly training my eyes to look to You and Your word...

i know i can do this when i stay focused on Him and trust His will for my life...i know the Lord has a perfect plan for me and i am excited to see what He will bring about in the fullness of time...


So be careful to do what the Lord your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left. Walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess." Deuteronomy 5:32-33 (NIV)

seasons change...

i have been listening to this song a lot lately...love the lyrics...

seasons change...by crystal lewis

Are you going through a dry spell
Yes I've been there before
Where the trees are slowly withering
Where their roots cry out for more
Where the desert floor is dry and cracked
No clouds hand in the sky
No winter rain or spring it seems
No change in sight

(Chorus)
But seasons change
And then they pass
No way to know how long they'll last
I'd love to know the reason why
But God knows
Seasons change

Are you going through a dry spell
I've been there a time or two
Where life seems to stay the same for awhile
You want to change but don't know how to
It's the place where you feel empty inside
Can't put your finger on the need
I look at God and see what I want to be
I look at me and see what I am

Are you going through a dry spell
I was there awhile ago
Now I've come to a place where the rain falls
Where the trees bear fruit and grow
Where I find a refuge in my God
It's a place of surrender I know
I look at God and see what I want to be
He looks at me and sees His own

(Chorus)
But seasons change
And then they pass
No way to know how long they'll last
I'd love to know the reason why
But God knows
Seasons change

a life marked by faith...

have you ever noticed how some tv commercials mix just enough truth with their product to make it believable? while that's called false advertisement...the product still comes off convincing...it's not until we purchase the product...and it fails...that the trickery becomes exposed...

in the same way...satan specializes in false advertisement...he's good at making our fears look real when they are not...does that mean all fears are wrong? i don't think so...the fear of standing near a high cliff protects us from getting to close to the edge and toppling over...on the other hand...satan's spooks are full of trickery...they are usually disabling and keep us from progress...this kind of false advertisement can choke our faith and fuel our fears...

have you ever wondered where our struggle between faith and fear began? i have...quite a bit lately...actually...fear was introduced to the human race by a satanic lie...

the garden is the first place where the serpent deceived eve by twisting God's word...the Lord told adam not to eat of any tree in the garden except the tree of knowledge of good and evil (genesis 2:16-17)...if he or eve ate from that tree...they would surely die spiritually...not only did eve eat the forbidden fruit...but she offered it to adam and he ate too...

as soon as adam disobeyed God...their relationship changed...adam was not only afraid...but he doubted God's authority, friendship, and provision...satan's lie told adam that he didn't need God...in fact...adam was persuaded that he could be his own god...self-sufficient in every way...

the same can be true for you and me...at times...you and i live independent of God's presence...we act as if everything depends on us...we wouldn't dare admit that we are in over our heads...we want to appear in control...but God never meant for you and me to be strong in and of ourselves...we were meant to show His strength in our weakness as He provides for our needs...we were created to live like little children...dependent on the care our heavenly Father...

the times we insist on living life our way...in our own strength...we experience the same result as adam and eve...we will live in fear...and this is right where satan wants us...

if we're afraid to try...we never will...if the enemy can keep us contained by fear...we won't be able to fulfill our potential or make a difference in the life of another...satan knows what we are capable of with Christ...to prevent us from that realization...he poisons us with fear...

the truth is what we fear rarely comes to pass...this kind of fear that is fueled by satan's lies can be described by this acrostic:

false
evidence
appearing
real

it's not that we shouldn't be concerned about certain issues of life such as safety and health...but when worrying takes over by keeping us up at night and shutting us down during the day...we've moved into a place we were never meant to live...we must return to living in God's presence and relying on His promises and provision...only then will we be able to distinguish between truth and lies...only then will our lives be marked by faith...and not fear...

critiquing the critics...

i remember one day in middle school...like it happened yesterday...i had a particularly hard teacher...on her first test, i got a c...i was a good student...and went into her classroom after school one day to learn how to do better on the next test...i'll never forget her sarcastically-spoken words..."you aren't an 'a' student are you?"...many years later...i can think of lots of snappy comebacks...but as a relatively shy 14 year-old...i only remember mumbling something and leaving the room...her critical comment left no doubt about her purpose...to put me in my place...

criticism takes many forms...from "innocent" questions and comments...to direct insults...but the effect of criticism is the same; it can set a woman (or man) on the sidelines of life faster than anything...out of the race…out of God's service...this is especially true in churches...where many men & women avoid serving in order to avoid criticism...

as a semi-perfectionist and sometimes "people-pleaser"...i'm particularly sensitive to criticism...in the past...i have reacted either defensively...or with tears to unkind comments...by looking at Jesus, however...i'm learning to deal with those who find fault with my decisions...either in ministry or in my personal life...i've learned a few questions that help me critique criticism when it comes my way...

what is the truth?
unfortunately...our response to criticism is muddled by a sinful nature...we aren't always able to see the true motives behind our critics...if we have been deeply hurt in the past...we may see criticism as rejection, when it isn't...so i start by asking if the person speaking has a history of truthfulness...if the answer is yes, then i look for the truth in the message...sometimes, well-meaning people offer important feedback in an inappropriate way...if the person speaking unkind words has a history of unfounded negative attacks...or has manipulative motives...then i probably won't place as much stock in his/her comments...

is it just a matter of opinion?
sometimes people just disagree on the details...for instance...if you are planning an event in may and you decide to use orange napkins...someone could say that orange is a poor choice for the month of may and that it should only be used with autumn colors...this is just a matter of opinion and shouldn't be taken personally...

is this a sin issue?
this may be harder to identify as we are often blinded to our own sin...the sin of pride is one that many struggle with and easily overlook...while we may miss it in our own lives...you can be sure others won't miss it...when someone criticizes you...humbly approach the Lord in prayer and ask Him to reveal any sin in your life...

here is an approach i use quite often...
psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (NIV).

our lives are too short...and our callings too great...to be sidetracked by critics...when i have whined at God that i can't take the negative opinions of others any more...He gently reminds me that His Son got lots of criticism as well...looking at it that way...when i'm criticized for doing God's will and work, it can be taken as a badge of honor and not a reason to quit...

the bottom line is that i long to do His will...but sometimes my feelings get hurt by the unkind comments of others...my desire is to discern the truth in those comments and to seek His will above all else...my responsibility is to see if there is anything in me that needs to change...and with His help...i keep my eyes focused on Him when the negative words of others make me feel like quitting....

beauty...

today i met with a new client for a closet audit...she had found me via a blog post where i was being interviewed...which directed her to my blog...she sent me an email and asked what my territory was...and if i would be willing to travel out her way...i agreed...and so today was our first meeting...

she lives a little past sausalito area...and it just so happened that prior appointments had to be rescheduled...until today...so i got ready for my hour long drive...expecting it to be a time of reflection...and it was just that...

the thing is...i think sometimes we get so bogged down with "stuff"..even while driving...our brains are going 100 miles an hour...and we get to our destination...without seeing all the beauty around us...

today...God gave me a perfect day...most days...when driving across the beautiful golden gate bridge...the tips of it are hidden by the city fog...even then its vastness is so beautiful...but today...probably because of the rain we have been having...it was so clear...so beautiful...i drove across it...and i remember looking across the water...and thinking how much beauty God has given us...and what a shame that most days...maybe because we have gotten accustomed to the sites...or because of busy minds...taking over...we just don't notice...

it was a wonderful 2 hours...of driving...to take in His goodness...His mercies...His love...

and to acknowlege that sometimes...we need to take a breather...and notice the beauty all around us...they are gifts from our Father up above...

time...where does it go?

everyone has wasted a minute...an hour...or a day...and lived to regret it...God gives us twenty-four hours every day...but some are better at managing them than others...

i have concluded that if we want to accomplish anything...we will never find time...we have to make time...

our twenty-four hours are precious and can never be regained...i am in the process of learning to manage my time more wisely...

"the most precious thing a human being has to give is time...there is so very little of it...after all...in a life..." ~ edith schaeffer

good day...

today is a good day...well actually...every day is a good day...but today...nice little surprises happened along the way...

my day started off by heading over to my mom & dad's house...just for a tiny visit...dad insisted on making me breakfast...i really love that he loves to make me breakfast...it is his way of doing something special for me...how could i say no?

so...after spending some time with them...i headed back home...and perusing through facebook...saw that i had won a give away...from one of my favorite bloggers...there is still time to win yourself...take a look at the blog...denise & i met (online) a while back...and have become good friends...without ever meeting...kind of a strange thing...but it works... =) i'm not gonna fight it...so denise writes about fashion...but she also posts the most incredible pics of cupcakes...seriously my mouth waters when i look at these sweet delights that she posts...

take a look at theswellelife...don't you just love how she changed the book title to reflect my name? so clever that girl...

then...as i started in on email...i received the nicest email from a woman that i will be meeting at the end of this week...she found me via my fashion blog...and has hired me to do a closet audit for her...she just wanted to send me a little note to say how excited she is in meeting me...and getting this partnership started...meaning...closet audit...and then personal shopping...

so...yes...so far...it has been an exceptional good day full of some nice surprises...really...they are blessings...hugs from heaven...=)

nurturing relatonships...

as much as i love my "alone" time...i have to say...that i am most happiest when spending time with friends & family...this last weekend was full of out of town guests and fun...read: lots of laughs and long talks...

it actually started up thursday nite when i met up with high school friends...dinner and reminiscing about our pranks and such while in school...updates on family...careers...and life...

then i had my girlfriend visit from nashville...although unfortunately her visit was planned rather quickly due to a death in the family...she stayed the weekend...and spent some time with me =) awwww...gotta love that! we ended up meeting up with another girlfriend...and just enjoyed laughing and catching up on our lives...

waking up at 4:30am to take her to the airport was harsh...i admit...but it meant a little more "talk" time with her...which i always welcome...so as i scooted her off to the airport...another good friend was coming into town...

good - bye...hello...

another evening of friends getting together...laughing and catching up...

in all three instances...these are friends that have been in my life for many many years...many times i have heard comments from people as to how i have remained friends for so long with people from my past...or that it is a rarity...

comments like that seem strange to me at times...the thing is...like any relationship...it takes work...it takes time...it takes a bit of sacrifice...of making it work...of investing the time into keeping in touch...have you heard the saying..."you get what you put into it"? why would a friendship be any different?

i cherish the friends that i have been blessed with...but i also (and they do the same) make a conscious effort to keep in touch...to stay in tune with their lives...relationships don't last when they are not nurtured...period...

i woke up this monday morning...very full of joy and love in my heart...friends do that...

it is a new month...a new day...who do you need to call and re-connect with? do it!

and on a side note...19 more days till spring!