i remember one day in middle school...like it happened yesterday...i had a particularly hard teacher...on her first test, i got a c...i was a good student...and went into her classroom after school one day to learn how to do better on the next test...i'll never forget her sarcastically-spoken words..."you aren't an 'a' student are you?"...many years later...i can think of lots of snappy comebacks...but as a relatively shy 14 year-old...i only remember mumbling something and leaving the room...her critical comment left no doubt about her purpose...to put me in my place...
criticism takes many forms...from "innocent" questions and comments...to direct insults...but the effect of criticism is the same; it can set a woman (or man) on the sidelines of life faster than anything...out of the race…out of God's service...this is especially true in churches...where many men & women avoid serving in order to avoid criticism...
as a semi-perfectionist and sometimes "people-pleaser"...i'm particularly sensitive to criticism...in the past...i have reacted either defensively...or with tears to unkind comments...by looking at Jesus, however...i'm learning to deal with those who find fault with my decisions...either in ministry or in my personal life...i've learned a few questions that help me critique criticism when it comes my way...
what is the truth?
unfortunately...our response to criticism is muddled by a sinful nature...we aren't always able to see the true motives behind our critics...if we have been deeply hurt in the past...we may see criticism as rejection, when it isn't...so i start by asking if the person speaking has a history of truthfulness...if the answer is yes, then i look for the truth in the message...sometimes, well-meaning people offer important feedback in an inappropriate way...if the person speaking unkind words has a history of unfounded negative attacks...or has manipulative motives...then i probably won't place as much stock in his/her comments...
is it just a matter of opinion?
sometimes people just disagree on the details...for instance...if you are planning an event in may and you decide to use orange napkins...someone could say that orange is a poor choice for the month of may and that it should only be used with autumn colors...this is just a matter of opinion and shouldn't be taken personally...
is this a sin issue?
this may be harder to identify as we are often blinded to our own sin...the sin of pride is one that many struggle with and easily overlook...while we may miss it in our own lives...you can be sure others won't miss it...when someone criticizes you...humbly approach the Lord in prayer and ask Him to reveal any sin in your life...
here is an approach i use quite often...
psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (NIV).
our lives are too short...and our callings too great...to be sidetracked by critics...when i have whined at God that i can't take the negative opinions of others any more...He gently reminds me that His Son got lots of criticism as well...looking at it that way...when i'm criticized for doing God's will and work, it can be taken as a badge of honor and not a reason to quit...
the bottom line is that i long to do His will...but sometimes my feelings get hurt by the unkind comments of others...my desire is to discern the truth in those comments and to seek His will above all else...my responsibility is to see if there is anything in me that needs to change...and with His help...i keep my eyes focused on Him when the negative words of others make me feel like quitting....
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