He knows my name...

what a month! what a month! what a month!

so many challenges...so many victories...so many miracles...

God is good...as i write that...my eyes fill with tears...He ALWAYS comes through...although sometimes way too close to the end...He hears...He cares...He is here...

i am overwhelmed with gratitude...and love...for the One who remains my rock...

this song continues to resonate in my heart...

odd observations...

i have noticed some odd observations in my two cats...maybe it is normal...maybe not...but in my observations...i realized how many times we "assume" something based on knowledge we may have...possibly experiences we have had...

so...chester...my older cat...is very skittish...usually...when people come over...he is no where to be found...not a people person...my chester...but...he is a total mama's boy...but yet...not cuddly at all...so what does that mean? he "needs" to be in whatever room i am in...always...it is a rarity that he is somewhere other then where i am...so you would think he would be a cuddler...but he squirms to get away...anytime i pick him up and squish him =) he constantly fights to sit in my lap...but doesn't want to be affectionate...it really makes no sense...and he "always" sleeps on top of my feet...which keeps them warm...so i don't mind...

then there is sasha...my youngest...total free spirit...happy as a camper being on his own...and pretty much throughout the day...he is running around...or napping...but on his own...but when it comes to the end of the day...he is a cuddler...in fact...the closer he can get to me...the better...and usually...he wants to curl up right by my face...whether i'm lying on the couch...or sitting...he is wanting to be as near to me as possible...so independant during the day...yet so affectionate...

really doesn't make sense...you would think chester...the skittish mama's boy...would be the cuddler...and sasha the independant free spirit would be distant...

all this...to say...give people a chance...to really get to know the "real" them...not the assumption of what "people like that" are usually like...you might be surprised at what you find out...

reprioritizing...

over the years i have observed many people (myself included) who unconsciously take on more and more projects without keeping track of the fact that we are also allowing our lives to become increasingly complex...before long...we serve on four committees at church...chauffeur the kids to three after-school practices a day...and take on that big new project at work...all while adjusting to the stress of a new baby at home...(no...i did not all of sudden have a baby) many of us live one unexpected complication away from complete meltdown...

i realize that modern life is complex...but we don't have to live that close to chaos...i can't tell you how many times in my life i've taken a look in the rearview mirror and simply decided..."i'm involved with way too much...with too many people..." there have been times where i needed to sit down and reprioritize my life...my schedule...and the involvements in which i was participating...it is like taking out the sharp carving knife of priorities and beginning to cut away everything that doesn't fit with what is best for my life...

the process may be painful at first...but i have found that merely tweaking my schedule will rarely produce clarity...sometimes you simply have to accept that life has become so complex that you are no longer able to do the most important things that must be done...significant reductions must take place...

my very own peeps...

for those that know me well...in choosing dessert...if chocolate is on the menu...that is what i will be choosing...there are only a select few desserts that i may choose other then chocolate...say...tres leches cake for instance...as was the case a few years back in the wine country...

even when it comes to candy...having the sweet tooth that i have...if it doesn't have chocolate...i'm really not feeling the need to gobble down mounds of candy...and then...easter rolls around...and the store shelves are full of my other non-chocolate love...

is is their vibrant color that grabs me? reminds me of the colors of tulips...or perhaps it is their chooey (sp?) goodness...or...perhaps it is how adorable they look peeking out of their package...

i'm sure it is all of these things...but mostly...their sweet chooey goodness...well...this year...i didn't have a chance to buy me any...and easter came and went...and they were gone...can you imagine?

so...the other day...i'm at my mom's house...and she keeps asking me if i want dessert...which...in a rare moment...i didn't...yet she was persistant...and then as i was getting ready to leave...she hands me a little package...



i could hardly contain my excitement...i told her how i didn't get any this year...and how did she know?? she just wanted to buy them for me...

love my mom...not because she bought me peeps...well...i love her for that as well...but because of her heart...always thinking of others...even down to the little loves her children have...like bright-eyed yellow peeps at easter time...

pay it forward...

this coming thursday...april 29th...is international pay it forward day...i think it is a fabulous concept...but of coure...just like valentines day...i don't think it should be a one day event...but something that as much as you are able...incorporate into your life...

i still remember the first time i saw the movie "pay it forward" and how it affected my life...if you haven't seen it...i highly recommend it...when my niece was writing all her essays for college acceptance...one of the essay questions was to write about a movie that had an impact on her life...i suggested she watch this movie...which she did...and ended up choosing it as her movie...it seems like a simple concept...but the trickle affect is enormous...

there has been a commercial around as well...with the pay it forward theme...i have to say...it is one of my favorite commercials...so simple...but the trickle affect is enormous...



so...international pay it forward day...what does that entail?
a day around the world where people are encouraged to do between 1 and 3 good deeds for others without expecting anything in return...

paying it forward with kindness has the potential to change the world – one good deed at a time...how fabulous is that?

over 100,000 people across 20 countries this year are involved spreading kindness...

i say...let's take it one step further...and pay it forward today...

random tidbits...who knew?

yesterday while helping a friend move into his new office across the street from central park...i heard a random tidbit that was so cool to me...thought i would share...it was one of those...who knew? moments...

so my friend's office is facing the baseball field at central park...and being that he is an avid baseball fan...i joked with him about not working but watching baseball all day...

and then it came...that random tidbit that was amazing to me...and as i write this...i fully am aware that for most of my readers...you will probably get to the random tidbit and say...so what?...but...it is my blog...and the title is random thoughts about nothing and everything...so here it is...

my friend told me that when barry bonds was still in high school...serra high school...one of the games he played at was at central park...and he hit a home run...which ended up hitting the building in which we were in...

that amazed me...new trivia now...that i can wow everyone with...ok...maybe not wow them...but it is kinda cool...no?

He is not silent...

i have to admit...i have felt that God has been silent in my life...and although i know it not to be true...it is how i've been feeling...seems my life has been at such a standstill lately...and just when i am over one huge obstacle...and think relief is coming my way...two more obstacles stand before me...

as i cry out to Him for relief...i only hear silence...and i only see the obstacles...

this morning...in my quiet time...i had no words left...just tears...and in that silence...i realized that the chatter of broken promises...the questionable integrity of people...has been clanging so loud in my brain...that i can't hear anything else...

as i was sitting in my office...with my itunes set on "random"...this song came on...pierced my heart...He is not silent...i am not listening...or i should say...i'm listening...but to the wrong things...

help me Lord...to listen...only to You...

out of the grey - He is not silent...

The people said this desert never ends
We have no bread our throats are dry
Our heads are heavy and our feet need rest
Has He left us here to die?

And we've forgotten all His words
As if we never heard
We take our hearts and turn away

But He is not silent
He is not whispering
We are not quiet
We are not listening
He sends a lifeline
We keep resisting Him
He is not silent
We are not listening

We wander through this world
In disbelief
Shake our heads at every tear
Searching endlessly
For some relief
Has He left us dying here?

But we've forgotten all His words
Pretend we never heard
We take our hearts and turn away

But He is not silent
He is not whispering
We are not quiet
We are not listening
He sends a lifeline
We keep resisting Him
He is not silent
We are not listening
No, we are not listening

We take our daily bread
And after we've been fed
We take our hearts and turn away

another successful event...

phew...i'm posting so late...today was the 25th anniversary fashion show/fundraiser for the mid peninsula republican womens federation...i had the wonderful honor of styling the models again...which i SO love to do...

looks like everyone had a good time...which is what is important...and hopefully the auction items brought in some funds for the group...

the models looked fabulous (if i do say so myself) and did an amazing job...there were less models this year...so it was a little tricky getting them on the runway..and then changed quick enough for the next outfit...but they were all troopers...

this may be our last year having a fashion show...but i am hopeful that there will be others that i will be able to participate in...

now...all i can think of...is kicking of my shoes...and relaxing...till next year...

purging...and it feels SO good...

no...not that kind of purging! i do have a confession to make though...not sure what has come over me...i don't even know when it started...or what prompted it...well...i kinda know...but it is a long long story...and i'm not quite sure i want to share it...

i've had this insatiable urge to purge...everything...the half-empty jar of faded spices? tossed...the half eaten box of cereal that my friend insisted i buy in a gotta-eat-healthy-right-now frenzy...(tastes like cardboard...btw...) chucked...

i'm sure my cats are afraid i'll come home one day and think twice about keeping them (for sure...that'll never happen) but...they have been looking wary after i drop-kicked their collection of bell balls...i mean...really...they haven't touched those in months...

the old saying...out with the old...in with the new...is not quite happening...i'm just getting rid of the old...and not replacing it with anything...and i have to say...it feels good...

it has been driving me crazy lately...that my kitchen cabinets are full...but i only use certain items...over and over...my linen closet is full...but i rarely open that door to remove items...so what is in there that is SO important??

i'm not saying that having stuff is bad...it isn't...for me...it is the stuff that is in my house...but never used...a contrasting example would be my shoes =)do i have many pairs? yes...but i wear them...all...not at the same time...but they all get rotated...and worn...some i've had for years and years...which is why i always say...buy quality...and quantity... =) i know that isn't the right saying...but i know me...and "me" is a girl who would never have only a "few" pairs of shoes...

but again...the fact that i wear all my shoes...for me...makes it ok that i have so many pairs...it is all that other stuff...crammed into cabinets & closets & drawers...be very afraid...because i'm coming after you...much of this stuff would be better spent at someone else's home...who would appreciate them that much more...

and me? well i just feel less and less crammed...and THAT...is a great feeling...and...could it mean more room for shoes?

james 4:8...

those who fail to pray
because they do not
feel close to God
may not feel close
to God because they
fail to pray...

"draw near to God and
He will draw near to you..."
james 4:8

longing for vacation...

i long for a vacation...

been thinking about it for quite some time...just not a good time right now...so i keep longing...in my mind...i picture...a vast ocean...sand between my toes...stack of magazines...a book or two...not a thing to do...not a decision to make...

ok...back to reality... =)

the reality is...i have been so swamped with charity events/fundraisers...and a new client here and there...my days seem so full...and yet...i feel i'm running on empty...

so i will keep on longing for that vacation...i'm sure...it will one day be a reality...

until then...i at least have a weekend...

may yours be fabulous!

reverse...

this is amazing...seriously...

those we touch along the way...

i rec'd a call yesterday from someone in my past...say about 20...may 25 years ago...so out of the blue...so unexpected...in the course of the conversation...the catching up part...he started taking about conversations and moments that i had forgotten about...not given anymore thought to...but they had a huge impact on his life...

i am not saying these things to tout how wonderful i am...but to express how sometimes...the most smallest actions...or words...have such an impact on people...and things that we deem as simple...or unimportant...are vast in someone elses eyes...

it was a bit embarrasing when he went on about how i had always been a good friend to him...when others weren't...how i never judged him...as others did...how i encouraged him...when others deflated him...

i have to say...i was not conscious really...that i did these things...but when i got off the call...it really made me sit and wonder...about the things i am conscious of...we all as people have such a strong ability to raise up...or tear down people...which will we choose...it takes so little effort to say a kind word...or acknowledge someone's existance...but for that person...it may mean the world...

this call was a reminder to me...to be more aware of those around me...people are put in our lives...in our paths for a reason...will we make a difference in theirs?

monday monday...why so gloomy...

i would very much like to be the adult...and say that the weather doesn't affect my moods...but...well...i can't...it just does...although...i have gotten better... =)

friday left us here in the bay area with the most spectacular day...spent at the ballpark...in a tank top...no less...it was a perfect day for baseball...ending with a perfect evening out with friends...

and then comes saturday...the promise of a weekend...i woke up...and yes...the weekend was definately here...but the clouds looked dreary...oh so dreary...and before we knew it...rain was a pouring down...not sprinkles...but pouring rain...not much to do on a weekend...in the pouring rain...you know?

sunday came...more rain...the pelting of it got stronger and stronger throughout the day...people say we need it...haven't we had this pouring down rain...for a while now? i just wanted to be inside under the covers...

the rain continued through the nite...i could hear it against my bedroom window...as i couldn't sleep...getting stronger and stronger...

this morning...still dreary...still wet outside...still pouring...as i sipped my coffee...looking out the window...the rain made me think of tears...so gloomy...so sad...

and now i am feeling gloomy and sad...for what reason? none...other then the rain made me do it... =)

hoping for a sunny day soon...

neurogesx, inc. rings the nasdaq stock market opening bell...

this week...my good friend adena was by her husbands side at the ringing of the nasdaq market opening bell...adena & tony are more then friends...they truly are like family to me...what an exciting moment to share in...

back in november we were proud of tony...as his company had just received fda approval on the drug they had been working on for years...

when i worked for many years at reuters...i had the opportunity of being on several of the stock exchange floors and witness the opening of the market bell...but it is a whole different story...when it is someone you know...someone you are so proud of...AND he is just the sweetest man on earth...

here is the link for more pictures...plus on the right...you can view the actual event...

once again...tony...we are so proud of you!

that difficult person...

it happened again...just like so many times before...snuck up on me...didn't see it coming...athough this was about a week ago...i still can't believe i let it happen...

who is that person in your life who always seems to know exactly what to say or do to get you from zero to rage in 60 seconds? they push and they push and as usual you walk right into the trap and explode in anger...perhaps you have more than one person in your life who is skilled at causing you to tie your chest in a knot...scream...yell or try desperately to restrain yourself from doing something that would bring highly undesirable consequences...

how many times have you been driven to this state by a certain someone or group of people? why is it that no matter how many times we go there, we somehow believe that it won’t happen again? why do we expect people to do something or be anything other than what they are?

the key to dealing with the difficult ones is to simply accept them...they are who they are...if you expect them to be anyone else...you will be upset and disappointed every time...in fact, we would all be happier if we simply started accepting people for who they are...even if we think they should be something else...if you do not accept them...you judge them...and that is not a seat you want to sit in...believe me...

and here is the clincher...don’t forget that you are most likely someone else’s “difficult one.” if there isn’t a person on the earth who can say you have been difficult...God can say it...He sees and knows all...

so what should our aim be? pray for people in your life that you find it hard to get along with and maintain your position of peace...follow the example of Jesus...He did not seek trouble or react defensively...He maintained His position...accepting people as they were and remaining who He was at all times...what an example!

try love...understanding and forgiveness when dealing with the difficult people in your life...give people the same grace and mercy that you need for yourself...

difficult times...they are a comin...

the question in life is not "will we go through difficult times?" but "how will we go through difficult times?" we are all going to have difficult times...if they haven't come already...hate to break it to you...but they will...it's a fallen world...will we go through them alone? will we go through them with a stiff upper lip? will we be crushed under their weight and give up in despair? will we go into denial or become bitter and resentful toward God and others? or will we experience the peace and power of God in ways beyond our wildest dreams? by the way...that last option is God's desire for us...

i've been reading psalm 23 a lot lately...it truly is probably the most well-known portion of scripture in all of the world...it is so familiar...that if you're not careful...you won't think about what it really means...

so try something new...listen with your ears..if you had to jot down the biggest thing that could be a crisis in your life right now...what would it be? if you don't have one...think back on your past to a significant crisis...whatever crisis you choose to look at...whether it's relational or financial or health-related...study this psalm with that crisis in view...rather than as a flowing piece of poetry you've probably heard for years...

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

how God answers prayer...

yes...i do believe with all my heart that God answers prayer...and sometimes...that answer is no...

then there are those times...where things just fall apart...and you have no answer...yes, no or maybe...and you are left fluttering around...trying to make sense of it all...

and then the work begins...the letting go...i don't know why this is so hard for me...and so many...i'm sure for me...a lot of it is the control issue =)...so not good...

i have had a few times in my life where God so incredibly took over a situation in my life...that there is no way...no how...that you could explain it...other than the hand of God being completely in it...

now...i am not saying that God's hand has only been in my life a few times...but these specific that i am thinking about...they were those moments...where you sit back and all you can utter is a muttered..."wow"...

and you sit in amazement...almost in shock that it happened...those moments for me were first so overwhelming...because they were true outright blatant showers of God's love for me...they were the "no denying it" God moments...overwhelming in that...you sit and think...surely God has got other things to be dealing with...but He took this moment...to show me...love...in the midst of some pretty hairy situations...

and then their are those moments...where the answers don't come...and you finally get to the point...in your head and in your heart...that the dream is dead...and you learn to move on...

i had a dream so many years ago...and although i knew in my heart that it was a good dream...everything was working against it...no one supported me in it...which that in itself was pretty hard to handle...but i kept praying...and the circumstances of it...just stood still...and i couldn't get a read from the Lord...do i move forward? do i keep pressing on? or...do i let this dream die?

the dream has since died...it died many years ago...and i was ok with that...stopped thinking about it...

until a few weeks ago...conversations out of the blue...situations that only God could perform...and now i sit...with the possiblity of this dream...from so many years ago...possibly birthing into a reality...so completely not how i had imagined it so many years ago...but so much better...and easier...i find myself...a little nervous...and a lot excited...

i always hear how God's timing is perfect...and i know that to be true...and i always hear how His way for a dream is perfect...and i know that to be true...there are still those moments...where you feel like..."can this really be happening to me?"

what i know to be true...and still find amazing...is that He answers prayer on His time...not mine...and being that i can only see with my human eyes...i'd much rather rely on Him...He sees far beyond what i ever could...

chrissy the skinny hazelnut girl...

there is a little downtown area close to where i live that i end up doing the majority of all my errands...i go there...a lot...the great thing is that in this mini shopping area...we have a “super” target, as if there is any other kind...it has a starbucks and a grocery store in it...so...i can buy milk, sheets and a skinny hazelnut latte all in the same place...and life, if even for a moment, is grand...

my many liaisons in target have helped me to become acquainted with the barista in the starbucks there...her name is chrissy...she is 24 years old and single...she loves the way i dress and almost died when she found out i was a wardrobe consultant & personal shopper...she has a really sweet spirit and a beautiful smile...she is one of those people that you would notice when you walk in a room...i sometimes wonder if people would ever say that about me...

anyway...a few months ago i found this scarf with the most unusual design...and in one of my favorite colors...i bought this scarf at the end of winter...thinking i probably was going to save it for next year...but i couldn't pass it up...as it was very unique...and i knew i would find a lot to wear with it...

well...as our weather has been pretty unstable lately...one week of beautiful sunny summer weather...to a week of horrendous rain & bitter cold...last week...one day in particular...it was definately a cold cold nippy day...perfect to wear my scarf...as i was going to be running around doing errands...specifically with an outing to target that night...what a perfect night for starbucks...but on this night, chrissy was sad...i asked her how she was and she replied with “fine”...i immediately thought about how many times i’m way too busy and/or self-absorbed to even notice people around me...or when i do ask “how are you” it’s more of a greeting than me really listening and caring about the response...chrissy made me my usual skinny hazelnut latte and when she leaned over to hand it to me, she smiled at my scarf... “i love that...it is so unique”, she said...i paid, thanked her and walked away...

i walked through target and couldn’t get the funk that chrissy was in out of my head...maybe she got dumped...maybe her boss was a jerk that day...maybe she had no one to spend easter with...maybe she is homeless and hungry...maybe i should care more about what people are going through?? i paid for my things and i quietly took my scarf off and headed over to chrissy. i laid it on the counter and said “hope you have a wonderful weekend...you’re awesome.”

since then, chrissy won’t let me pay for my starbucks anymore...could she get fired for that? we don’t really talk about what was wrong with her or the scarf...she knew that i quietly understood and my scarf was a reminder that she isn’t alone...

lesson: stop being so selfish, scattered, scared, and blinded to the people around me. I AM NOT AN ISLAND...as much as i wish i could be...

by the way...you aren’t an island either...share your pain with someone else and remind them they aren’t walking alone...you will be amazed at what a little selfless love can do...too many of us don’t want to put any work into relationships...is that you too?

Lord, i lift Your name on high...

one of my all time favorite choruses...always appropriate...but especially this easter weekend...may you feel His presence this easter weekend...


Lord , i lift Your name on high - donnie mcclurkin

Chorus:
Lord I lift your name on high
Lord I love to sing your praises
I'm so glad you are in my life
I'm so glad you came to save us.

You came from heaven to earth, to show the way
From the earth to the cross, my debt to pay
From the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky
Lord I lift your name on high.
Chorus.

we can do this...me & God...

this last week was the end to a pretty remarkable bible study series...and i'd be lying if i didn't say that i was touched...convicted...stirred...moved...throughout the weeks...but that is good...right? i think if we sit and have no emotion...no feeling...something is seriously wrong...of course...me with my emotions...well...(insert laugh) that alone could be a comedy hour...not in that i have emotions...but that for the most part...i just can't hold it in...and many times when it was my turn to share...i would almost want to hold back...not because of what i wanted to share...but because i knew...that my voice would crack...and the tears would almost always follow...after the first few weeks...the group embraced it...and laughed along side me...and by the end...we just ignored the tears...but got to the heart of the matter...the words...whether they were accompanied with the tears...didn't matter...it is who i am...

so this last week...the end...the summary of all things...it was pretty intense...by this point...our group had become very vulnerable with each other...but we also saw how each one of us had grown...had gotten a little stronger...and had become accountable to the others in the group...so powerful...one of the things we talked about this last week was forgiveness...

here is one thing i know about forgiveness...that still is a struggle at times for me...but i take it...one day at a time...

often times...feelings sneak up on us...you think you’re ok...you think you’ve forgiven and you’re not angry anymore...but then something happens that reminds you...

a smell...

a song...

a name...

and there it is again...it appears on the surface of your memory as if it happened an hour ago...every emotion...every move...every moment replayed in your head...

the questions start...

how could she?
i thought he loved me?
why?

it can be like a disease...i knew a woman once...who i believe that it literally killed her...this disease...she could NEVER forgive...when she died...there were stacks found of calendars where she had documented everything that those around her didn’t do..."sarah didn’t call...” “bill canceled coming over...” “joe & rita didn’t send birthday cards...” she was so miserable...she couldn’t forgive...she never understood grace...

and i didn’t either...until one day when i stood face to face to such a big rejection...someone who i thought loved me...supported me...and was above all...one of my dearest friends...among the anger, pain, and devastation somehow grace lurked...it tapped me on the shoulder and offered to be the first step in my healing...

soon...forgiveness danced around my head and wondered if maybe it could stay for a while...i toyed with it for days...months...

today...i saw a picture...social media is funny because you can run but you can’t hide...but...yah know...it wasn’t there anymore...no anger...no disdain...actually, i cried for what could have been...this person understood me like no one ever really has...and honestly...i miss that...

i took a deep breath and felt a little lighter...we can do this...me and God...

you can do it too...throw away your mental inventory of hurts and disappointments...life is tough and people are flawed...and even if you never hear “i’m sorry...” forgive anyway...