memories from a picture...

it is amazing what memories pictures can turn up in us...i found some old pictures this last week...in my quest for simplicity...things have been turning up...such as pictures...that were well hidden...of years past...

as i was going through these pictures...in old folders...holding old memories that are taking up precious space i need now...i came across a few photos...i found myself staring at them for longer than the rest of the memories that were decidedly going to remain in their old folders or get tossed in the trash for eternity...

i may not be alone in this but i find that photos that have been taken throughout my life carry & hold more of my memories than anything else...when i look at them...a little movie plays through my mind of the life i led...in a way...it helps me see my life in blocks of time...seems easier for my head to compartmentalize that way i suppose...

after staring for a while longer...eyes glazed over as memories washed over me...i then...of course...analyzed why and what those memories meant to me now...years later...

they brought me back to a relationship that was so convoluted...seen so many ways...by so many people...including me...it was one of the most confusing times in my adult life...

it is interesting to look back at a relationship...thinking back on all the things that tore us apart ...but looking back throughout our relationship...we were never really together...

and as my past life movie played in hd through my mind...i realized how removed i was from it now and how it no longer defines who i am...my present identity is not emotionally attached to those events any longer and they have been compartmentalized to the "who i was" folder...

i remember how devastating those times had been...how i thought i'd never move past it all...and here i am now...in a new life...as a new woman...completely removed from it...i wondered to myself how i got over it without knowing...as i was holding onto the anger so tightly and for so long...and then i realized it wasn't so much of a "getting over" as much as a "going through" process and coming out on the other side...in a new life...

there are plenty of "pearls" i kept from that life...little bits of wisdom here and "what not to do's" there which to grow & avoid repeating unhealthy patterns...is a necessity...when i think back now...unattached...i'm much more compassionate for my old self rather than angry at her for being so dumb when i thought she should have known better...i want to say it was because i was young...but the truth is...love can hit you at any time...where you give yourself to someone...thinking they are doing the same...and as cliche as it sounds...you live and you learn...and i definitely learned...and to throw another cliched quote into the mix...i am definitely stronger because of it...