taking a risk...

sometimes life throws us curves...and then waits around to see how one will react...

my latest "big" hurt came two weeks ago...from someone so unexpected...that is a total of two big totally unexpected hurts in less then one year...sometimes i wonder how my little fragile heart can withstand it...but it does...somehow...

i am seeing a little bit of a difference in my responses to hurts...where once i couldn't function...i am now seeing all the "other" stuff that is around...a lot sooner...i guess for me...i don't want to be pouring out my all when someone doesn't deem it important enough to care...

this was something at one time that would linger for so long...trying to understand why a person would hurt me, or leave me, or both...i've come to terms with the fact that people are not always placed in our lives for the full duration...

the not knowing...of what happened...or didn't happen...of what was in that persons head...how with no emotion...they just walk...no explanation...no discussion...when once all they talked about was how important i was in their life...sure...i'm human...i wonder...and i try and understand it...some things though...will never make sense...

but the bigger picture draws me to the place...of releasing something that was never mine...or something that was meant to be but for a while...

the memories are there...the beautiful moments are there...and for the time...the purpose was served...and although i don't understand the ending...

it is what it is...and what it is...is something that is out of my control...i can only be who i am...the best of who i am...and guard my heart...and guard my thoughts...it would be so easy to become jaded...and stop believing in people...when there are those that just say words...and their actions contradict those words...

life and love and laughter...it is all a risk...there will always be risk involved in opening up to someone new...but for me...the rewards are so much bigger and better than the risk...and although...a few people have let me down...there are the many...who i took the risk on...and are a huge integral part of my life...