when in waiting...

waiting...

the waiting can drive me crazy...but i realize it is a part of this life...and not everything comes easy...

when in waiting it's as though you can hear every tick and every tock...

during the promise it's as though you can't imagine that the clock even struck all day...

the trial is during the waiting...every tick with faith and every tock with praise...

the test is during the promise...will i still pray? will i still seek?

will i still remember what it is like to wait?

tick, tock, shhh...can you hear His heartbeat for you? tick, tock, shhh...do you hear the pounding to the nails on the wrist to the cross...it is His heartbeat for you...you are loved...i am loved...

when we are in it...the trials and tribulations...there are many questions...and many silent times...no answers...no sign of an ending...no relief...only the deafening sound of silence...

each one of us at one point or another...have had our trials and tests...when i think about this past year...i am still in shock at the hits and jolts that i have been through...and yet...i am still standing...running and soaring...

i have become who i am because of the many tests i have gone through...i am who i am because i have allowed God to walk me through gently even when i could not understand why...

as i think back over the year...so many lessons...and so many rewards...through the tears...the laughter somehow comes...

so what do you do when in the midst of it? many times...i started going down the path of "what is the use?" these last few weeks have been like that...when you find yourself back in a place you thought you wouldn't be...i know that the next few weeks will be just as tough...and although i have so many unanswered questions...i find myself fighting not to stay there...in the place of giving up...in the place of "here we go again" because in the "big" picture...i know that there is a rainbow waiting...

so what tiny morsels do i live by? what do i do...when i don't feel like doing anything?
what do i think about...when i don't want to think about the trial...

here are just a few...
give...when you don't have it to give...find some way...be creative...

life is what you trust God it to be...approach each day ready to live...

and i tell myself...it won't be this way forever...

as for me, these past few years i have learned that people truly are to be loved no matter what...they are your brothers and sisters in Christ...they may act out of anger, but they do not know what they are really, truly doing or they wouldn't have...others may show hate to you one day and a few years later realize what they did wasn't right - always be ready to forgive...who am i to harbor unforgiveness? i have done the same...God forgive me...

God will take away, but i am learning that He has to, to create all that He wants to within us...He will not only take away, but He will add to your life more than you could have ever hoped or imagined...in His special way...and i know...even though at times...i need to remind myself...it's for my good...

my pain - He has taken care of it in time in the past...and He will again...now...
their pain - He'll take care of that as well...so be ready...

so many times these past few years i have said under my breath, "why take that O God, please not that, not that person, not her, not him, they are my funnest and favorite" He would remain silent and send then on their way and give me hope through His Word and others' words of encouragement...

so as i am in a period of waiting...and if you are as well...i leave these words for you...but also for myself...

be encouraged in the waiting - while you are on your way to where you are going...enjoy...God's timing is perfect, being frustrated will not make Him hurry...enjoy today, because right now is all you & i have...

so as i sit in my silence...with tears flowing...because i know of God's faithfulness...God is undeniable...
i wipe my tears...and know that i must continue on with my day...dispite the pain...i have responsibilities that i need to attend to...and God decides to pour in my spirit as i sit in my dark room with my laptop at this very moment...maybe just for you and me...the waiting...it is not convenient...but i feel the tick and tock of His heart...He is near...