the great thing about getting together with my girlfriends...is that it usually means a nite of much laughter...and deep discussion...one subject though...that i really could do without...is talking about not having someone in our lives...i guess for me...it could truly lead down a path of self doubt...and at times...depression...so am i in denial...because i don't want to talk about it?? i just figure...why focus on things that can't be fixed or changed? some of my friends differ in their opinions...but...that is what makes our friendships so beautiful...we are able to talk, discuss, agree & disagree...and still walk away loving each other that much more...
so...back to loneliness...
it's a constant battle to believe that God is all i need when i'm lonely...how can i be content when i long for that special someone...when i reach out and no one reaches back? can God hold my hand and embrace me after a long day? will it always be like this?
these are the thoughts that come & go with singles...and i think more so...the older we all get...
it takes time to discipline myself to seek God first before imperfect human relationships...i do know that God is with us wherever we are in our walk with Him...in our quest to understand our feelings and desires...God doesn't leave us physically alone when we are in need...He provides brothers and sisters to reach out to us and reciprocate that giving...
to work through my loneliness...i am learning that i have to be completely dependent on God...it is so natural for me to surround myself with friends and family who understand me and have been there...but i know if i get in a habit of depending on peers to bring peace...tackle my situations...or discern my feelings and emotions...i overlook God's reasoning and true undersatnding of the big, eternal picture...
i want the tangible things...the friends to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay...and especially...a male companion who is concerned about my heart, my whereabouts, and my ability or inability to endure life's latest scenario...having those tangible things makes sense until someone disappoints me or falls short of what have become my secret expectations...imagine that! =) a human misses the boat...takes a neutral stance...or seems to lose some sensitivity...and my need for the Lord suddenly becomes very very clear...
my friends' desire to be there for me is not the problem...i'm the one who loses focus...how can i expect to find joy in any situation without first going to God to receive peace? He knows me better than i know myself...His word says He knows the desires of our hearts...the plans He has for us...but He wants us to trust in Him for fulfillment...for peace...and for His timing...He wants to be all we need...and i want Him to be my strength...my comforter...and my confidant...but i don't always know how to look up...stand tall...and walk boldly in Him...
i will never think it wrong to seek wise, godly counsel and encouragement from a caring friend...but the main purpose of this feedback should be to encourage one another in what God has for us...
i value my friendships now more that ever...i can't imagine what i would do without them...this has become even more apparent the older i have gotten...as i have been blindsided by the budding romances within my single friends...i am very happy for new couples getting together...but the last thing i want is my friend's new interest to hinder the frequency and quality of our conversations...
but...that is life...and i have learned that that is the risk one takes in becoming friends with other singles...but i won't lie...sometimes i still worry about losing those treasured friendships...
in God's eyes...though...this "you stole my friend" situation is another little elena trauma that i need not waste my time and energy worrying about...i need to rest in knowing that God will provide the necessary friendships and accountability at any given point of time in my life...i should be focusing on what God has for me now...God is perfect...He is never going to leave me alone...let me down...or dismiss my loneliness...He can take hold of me...calm my fears...and comfort my heart...i just have to be open to His desires and let Him...i guess i know what i need to do; it's just that "having faith and letting Him" part that i need to work on...
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