we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
romans 5:3-5
ok - i'm not quite at the rejoicing part...but i am able to see a new day...and all that comes with it.
all i could muster up at the beginning of this week was "oh God, help me." but it was enough...perhaps it wasn't really about getting an answer right away...it was more about a little comfort...as i released myself and my pain into His welcoming hands...a warmth surrounded me...
and then the answers began to come, one by one. a revelation here, an understanding there...slowly the darkest part of my mind and heart started lighting up a bit...more clearly defined. the answers started coming...some i didn't like, yet how could i be offended when they told the truth.
perhaps...sometimes...this is why we do not call on God right away...His answers are not like those of our friends...friends who love you and will be partial to you...His answers may require us to take responsibility for our hearts and our lives...not an easy thing to do when your heart is broken. His answers also require change...
pain yanks us back to reality...it insists that we take a closer look...it points a finger at the things we must fix...pain is...well...painful...but i also believe that pain is good...it could be a teacher...and it could direct us back to the right place...pain leads us to God.
what i know is that change is not easy...but i also know that the closer i draw to Him...the more clearly i see my heart healing...
i will no longer despair over where i have been. my future looks nothing like my past..because i know that God will not allow it...He does not want me to stay the same...He challenges me to spread very reluctant wings and start to fly...
i believe that i am...one day at a time...
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