highs and lows..combined...

what a strange week it has been - as i woke up this morning and thought about what to write...i couldn't really pin-point the right way to describe the week...

in one way it has been so wonderful...there has been a lot of wonderful chats with friends...on the phone and face to face...time spent with family...which brought a lot of laughter...re-connected with some friends from the past through facebook...and in that did alot of reminiscing and laughing...which led to more phone calls and coffee dates...celebrated in a friends wonderful news...

and in all that...i realize how incredibly blessed i am...i realize i have a lot of people in my life who, for whatever reason...love me very much...i don't pretend to understand it...but i do not take it for granted...

i think it is for this reason...that in the transition period of my life...that is has been the love of my friends and family...that i have been able to keep on...keeping on...

i call it a transition period for no other reason than not knowing what else to call it...there have been so many moments this week - where i thought i was finally catching a break in areas in my life...and it wasn't till the last moment...that i stood as they crumbled before me...almost like someone was playing a cruel cruel joke on me...but no one was playing a cruel joke on me...it was just the circumstances and how they played out...

no one to blame...although i do remember thinking that this was it...finally some of the work i had been doing was paying off...but just as soon as i saw the potential in front of me...the programs had changed...and i was sitting on nothing once again...

there is a little bit of frustration...a little bit of worry...but it is manageable...and that is the part that sometimes is hard for me to grasp...i know that i know that God has got everything in control...i don't know how...i don't know where...i just don't know...and every moment this week...where i thought...this is it...and watched it crumble...right before my eyes...i had to look up to Him...and say...i'm still trusting you...

and i do...i really do...i know that i am to learn from this experience...not sure what...but i'm open to whatever...whatever it is...if anything...i have learned to completely rely on Him...and maybe that is what i need to learn...

so coming out of a week that has had a mixture of such highs and such lows...i hold on to the fact that He will never give me more than i can handle...i find that i am able to handle a lot more than i thought...and i am able to do it with a good attitude...and as i say that...i am not boasting...just making a point that it is only through Him that i am able to smile and feel good in the midst of some not so good situations...

i do not believe that the many friends i have are a coincidence...and yes...i know that friendship takes work...and i have always worked at the relationships God has placed in my life...i have not taken them for granted...and in the times where i need them most...they surround me...

i heard an interview a while back where the actress had come out of a bad season...and she said..."it's a situation where the rug was pulled out from under me all of a sudden. but just as suddenly, my friends threw another rug back under me."

that is truly how i have been feeling...my friends and family continue to surround me and shower me with love...and in that...i am able to face another day and all that it brings me...

this morning my devotion talked about psalm 131

in the message...writer eugene peterson puts it this way: “God, I'm not trying to rule the roost, I don't want to be king of the mountain. I haven't meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans. I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart …” (Psalm 131:1-2a).

psalm 131 ends with David urging us to place our trust and hope in God. So today, I will not hope in my ambitions or grand plans for the future, nor will I desire an always-easy path so I don’t have to face difficulty. Rather I will leave all that to Him and I will simply stand at God’s side, ready to explore my day.

my circumstances have not changed...if anything...they have gotten a little worse...but i know that He is right here by my side...and i know that He has placed these wonderful friends and family strategically in my life...

right now...i want to continue cultivating a quiet heart...so that i may hear and know His voice and His direction in my life...