the last day of 2008...

it is the last day of 2008...

i find myself sprinting towards 2009...

as i woke up this morning...i started thinking about this past year...the funny thing is that...although there was some stuff that happened that i wished didn't...it did...

going into 2008...i remember thinking that i wanted a better year than the prior one...i didn't want to be in the same place that i was...i never imagined in a million years that my heart would be broken as it was...truth be told...how could it be broken when i really wasn't in a committed relationship..the problem was...that in my eyes...i was committed...i didn't want to be with anyone else...see anyone else...he thought differently...the hardest part was that he didn't feel the need to let me know...
i lost a relationship...but more than that...i lost someone who was a big part of my life...a confidant...a daily "check-in" friend...

i also lost my dear friend carol to cancer...she was a friend...a mentor...a fighter...a beautiful beautiful woman...

and these two events happened within a week of each other...

and in these two events...i learned a multitude of lessons...

i believe that sometimes God needs to really shake things up in your life to get your attention...
my life...although devoted to Him...was a convenience at times...when i needed Him...i wanted Him there...but when things were going along fine...well...i lived my life for Him...but it was in idle mode at times...

God shook things up this year for me...and i am forever grateful...my life has changed...it is completely different than where it was last year...the funny thing...is that there is nothing tangible to show for it...but in my heart...things are different...

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

my hope was not planted in the Lord 100%...i thought it was...but when my world came crumbling down...i realized how much hope i had placed in people...in a person...and when all my hope was crushed...and i had nothing to fall back on...

well...back up here...i did have something to fall back on...but it was in that glimpse of loss of hope...that i saw...my hope was in the wrong person...

people will always let you down...i will let others down...we are human...the only place where we can truly place our hope...and know that it will not come crashing down...well that hope is in the Lord...

i do not know what 2009 holds for me...what i do know...is that i am going into it with such excitement...such eagerness...such boldness...

a portion of my devotional today read...
this was human hope. That kind of hope is in limited quantity, and when it runs out, you are left drained, discouraged, disappointed and …hopeless! Oh, it may masquerade as “hope,” but it is completely different from the hope that God provides. God’s hope renews and refreshes. It empowers, uplifts, and strengthens. God’s hope does not disappoint! There is an unlimited supply of God’s hope. God knew I had been clinging to human hope, and He knew that last 1% of weak, feeble hope would run out. He wanted me to cling to Him, the God of true, lasting, unlimited hope. So, as I wiped my tears, I waited as the winds of God’s hope blew my way. My circumstances were still the same, but my heart was now filled with the hope that only God can provide.

that truly summarizes how i feel at this moment...my circumstances are still the same...but my heart is filled with such hope...i know that i know that God will provide for me everything that i need at the right time...

the most exciting thing about 2009 for me...is that i have absolutely no expectations...so all i am left with...is to see the wonderful surprises God has in store for me...
what could be better than that? seriously!!

dear Lord...thank you for your wonderful, everlasting hope. please help me to always put my hope in You and You alone...thank you that with you all things are possible...

and to my faithful readers...my hope for you is that 2009 will bring you peace and joy...and an abundance of new memories...