had some friends over the other nite...made pasta...garlic bread...salad...
it was a group of female friends...there was eight of us...and so as we ate & talked...laughed & shared...we shifted towards the subject of men...big surprise there =)
i had the movie "he is just not that into you" so we all decided to watch it...interesting movie...lots of different emotions going on...different relationships...different types of men...and different types of women...
well...needless to say...the conversation got a lot more heated after the movie...but it was interesting...none the less...what i liked was that it didn't become a session of men bashing...but we talked about relationships...and when we knew that we "should" have walked away...vs "when" we walked away...and in some cases...the man did the walking...and made us deal with the aftermath...the wondering...the thing that most women do...thinking it was obviously "our" fault...and "what could i have done differently"
when my girlfriends had left...in the wee hours of the morning...my mind was still racing from all the conversation...
sure there is a tiny bit of regret when you are thinking of someone who you gave your all to...only to have him walk away...without an explanation...or to look back at years of pouring into a relationship that wasn't to be...
but i don't live my life with regret...at least i strive not to...what i know is that i can look back and know what i gave...my heart, my feelings...my all...and with that...i can't be regretful...i would rather be that way...than be afraid to be open with my feelings toward someone...does it make you look like a fool? yeah...maybe...but i'd much rather be a fool than to live a life of being "careful" not to get hurt...or to never be vulnerable...or to let someone know how i feel about them...
and for those that chose to walk away? i would hope that one day they may realize what a good friend i was...and if they don't...i truly don't think they will ever know what true relationship is...but that is not for me to worry about...as long as i can know in my heart of hearts that i did everything i possibly could...there is not much left to say...or do...
i just need to worry about who is in my life now...and that i am giving all of me to them...a relationship doesn't work when one is in it half way...and when someone doesn't want to be in my life...or feels they don't need me in their life...then it was probably best that they did walk away...
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