your life as a bible read...

last weekend during a two day training...one of the ladies in my class was a beautiful 24 yr old named denise...

denise does not see her beauty...she sees the beauty in magazines...and thinks that is what she needs to look like to be considered beautiful...

denise is a plus size dark beauty...i connected with her instantly...almost like a big sis...i really saw so much more in her than she did...so i continued through out the weekend to point out everything i saw in her...

she just graduated from college...dresses like a true fashionista...has the face of an angel...gorgeous jet black hair...and most importantly...a warm heart...

she sees herself as someone who is having a hard time finding a job...making it about her...and not the tough economy we are in...

she sees herself as someone who will never be a size 2...instead of realizing that beauty is not a size...

we became instant friends...and when i saw her on my first day of work...she uttered these words...
"i miss you!"...she wished that i was in her department...working by her side...

i know she will do great...because she has a heart...a warm loving heart...but more than that...she works in a department where women would relate more to her than someone who is a size 2...so i sat with her and pointed out how she could use that to help her sales...she told me she hadn't thought of it that way...

i remember as a little girl growing up...a song that played often from one of my parents many record albums...was "your life's the only bible that some people read"

out of all the songs...this one just stuck with me through the years...

the fact is...there are alot of hurting people out there...especially around this time of year...many lonely people...

as we are bustling around town...frantically trying to get our shopping done...our errands done...take a moment to brighten someones day...it really doesn't take much...

a smile...a hello...holding the door for someone who is grappling with many shopping bags...

i pray the Lord gives me many opportunities...to show His love...that many will read my life...and see Christ love beaming through...

melancholy day...

today was an unusual day...unusual in that i can't quite put my finger on the emotions of the day...
if i look at the day as a whole...it was like any other...although a bit more busy than i like...
the difference in today...was a very heavy heart...and i'm really not quite sure why...

am i sad? no...

if i were to really analyze my life...i would have to say...that i am finally at a really really good place in my life...

that is why today really puzzles me...

i'm not even sure why i'm writing it out in my blog...maybe in the hopes of somehow realizing what is up with the emotions...

not sure...

so i try and shift gears...and focus on this beautiful time of year...it is my favorite time of year...

and as my home is filled with friends as of late...filled with laughter...filled with love...i realize...that even in these moments...when i may not quite understand some odd moments of melancholy...it is as if the Lord swoops down and showers me with more of His love...and as this day comes to an end...
i may not understand the feelings...but i know He is right there with me...

the courage to forgive...

yesterday i had courage on the brain...and today...i wanted to continue a bit on that...but talk about forgiveness...

forgiveness is a tough subject...i believe it takes courage to forgive...

the thing with forgiveness is that some people want to wait until they feel like forgiving to forgive...i don't know about you...but i do not really feel like forgiving...forgiveness does not come out of my feelings...but my will...i will to forgive...i make the choice to forgive...

if i were honest...as i want to be in my blog...when someone hurts me or lies to me or about me...my reaction is to "make" that person realize what they have done...but that is not in my control...i have learned that for my life to move forward unhindered...i must be a forgiver...

horace bushnell wrote "forgiveness is man's deepest need and God's highest achievement"

the truth is...i have been forgiven WAY more than i deserved...by my creator...i have also been forgiven by my friends and family when i have made stupid choices...or let them down...or when i have said something wrong...who am i to hold on to unforgiveness?

i think where people get hung up on forgiveness is that in some way they feel that by doing so...they are saying that the offense was ok...but that is not the way forgiveness works...offering forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the mistake didn't happen...it just means acknowledging it and moving on...

as i think back to one of my past relationships...one of the things that was done wrong...was that nothing was talked about...i would forgive...and move on...and not talk about the offense...

don't just open up your heart again to be hurt if you haven't talked about what went wrong...if you need to set boundaries...do so...

the hardest part...offering forgiveness means letting go of the offense whether or not the other person says, "i'm sorry." so go ahead...and be the first...don't wait to start forgiving until the other person says they are sorry too...if you wait for an apology before you begin to forgive, you are putting the power to forgive in the other person's hands when it belongs in yours...

i have learned that relationships grow on forgiveness, not perfection...offenses are bound to come...so let's be ready to forgive...

forgiveness takes courage and can be difficult for us because it pulls against "our" concept of justice...we are human...we want revenge for the hurt we have suffered...we may not say that out loud...but we do think it...well...i know i have...

do not forgive a person for their sake...forgive for your sake...so that you may be free...

let's be courageous...and willing to forgive each other...i know that i...do not want to grow up to be a litte old lady full of bitterness...

imagine what a better world we would live in if more people forgave...

what are you afraid of...

one of my favorite women to read about in the old testament is esther...

esther was a woman who rose up courageously in spite of feeling afraid...even though she was the queen, she was not allowed to see her husband, the king, unless he called for her...however, when she found out that her people were going to be killed, she bravely entered the court of the king on behalf of her people and was willing to lay down her life...willing to risk it all...because of her courage, a nation of people was saved...yes, she was afraid...but she stepped forward anyway. why? because the cause was greater than herself...

for a cause bigger than herself...

i believe this is how the Lord wants us to live...to be victorious for what is true and right...to ride triumphantly for the cause of truth, mercy, and justice...

what is needed to be this warrior? what are the qualities of a good soldier?

first...we need courage...so many people are bound up with one fear or another...fear of the unknown...fear of the future...fear of the economy...fear fear fear...

but if i am to take my place on the earth as a warrior...as a soldier...i must kill the fear and develop courage...

you and i have been given courage...and we've been given this courage so that we can fight the fears that attempt to knock us off course...we have been given courage to finish the journey set before us...

fear can act like a brake on your life...it stops you from becoming and doing all God wants you to be and do...it limits your potential and hinders your ability to be effective...

when we are afraid, we don't try new ideas because we fear that they will fail or we will be rejected, and so we miss opportunities for success...

what we need to do is to push through the fear...

every person who ever did anything amazing started out just a bit afraid...it is always a risk to try something new...

don't let fear keep you small...don't let the fear contain the potential inside you...

now, i understand the need for wisdom and caution...but i refuse to live my life in fear of what may happen...

rick warren says of fear: fear causes us to cover up... fear causes us to wear masks...fear causes us to avoid saying what we're really thinking, to pretend that we're somebody that we're not...it causes us to lie...the greatest block to intimacy in a marriage, a friendship, or any relationship is fear...why am i afraid to tell you who i am? because if i tell who who i am, you may not like who i really am, and i'm all i've got...fear causes us to hide, and it ruins relationships...fearful people cannot give love, and fearful people cannot receive love...fearful people cannot make commitments to others...fear cannot allow me to let my hair down and be real...

wow...

how many times have you said, "i'm afraid i might get hurt again"?...so you don't open up to anyone, therefore limiting your own life...and keeping yourself from the relationships that could very well bring you joy...

have the courage to open your heart again...you need to be wise about whom you open it to, but you need to open it again...

i started this post based on the comment...for a cause bigger than yourself...and i told the story of esther...who was willing to risk her life...

the thing is...i'm not sure we will be asked very often to give up our physical lives...but perhaps our egos...

awww...our egos...now there is a touchy one...

our egos are not sacred...we need to be willing to lay aside our rights and perhaps our desires in order to achieve the greater good...

be courageous...be the first to say, "i'm sorry"
be courageous...love your enemies...
be courageous...choose a friend outside your culture...
be courageous...tell the truth instead of the lie that might want to spring to your lips...
be courageous...stay committed to the path of love even when it's hard...
be courageous...

a warrior knows how to handle fear..but also has the courage to forgive...

more on that tomorrow...

treasures in small towns...

one of the advantages to have been in outside sales for many many years...was to be able to visit so many little towns and cities in northern california...

today...three of us decided to get in the car...and go visit some of these hideaways...there is something about these little towns...finding the main street...and all the little stores...the unique treasures that can be found...

first stop was santa rosa...definately not a little town...but there is a tiny store on the corner of 4th and talbot called "favorite things"...i always hated the drive for work - especially when i had to make it 3 times a week...but i loved stopping into this store...

"favorite things" is a gift store that has incredible trinkets for your home...today was special in that i had never been to it while it was decorated for christmas...i found two beautiful fluer de lys ornaments...and an eiffel tower..."so elena"...my friends agreed...

2nd stop on our girls day was sebastopol...here we stopped for a luscious breakfast/lunch...
strolled down the main strip to some hidden consignment shops...there was one store that was closed on monday's...but peeking through the window...very parisian...looks like i'm going to be needing to go back for that one...everything looked beautiful in the store...i was a bit bummed that it was closed...

3rd stop...petaluma......antique stores...one in particular...which is actually advertised as a military antique store...we decided to go in anyway...so glad i did...i found the most magnificent treasures...some vintage jewelry pieces...for a steal! i found the most beautiful cameo necklace...and a pearl choker...with the most beautiful clasp....along with that...some beautiful pins...they were so underpriced...but for me it was another blessing for me...

my morning had started with me taking my car in for a simple oil change...an hour later...the phone call i received from my honest faithful mechanic...was that i needed brakes...and new tires...so 1300.00 later...i was a bit...well...feeling sorry for myself...

my girlfriends...however...lifted my spirits...and all in all...the reality was...that i had a dependable car...i had my health...and my new part time job...so really i have a lot to be thankful for...so i decided to be thankful instead of dwelling on the looming bill...

in that...i ended up having a fabulous day with two of my favorite people...who also had taken me out last night for my big birthday bash dinner...

seriously...what is there that i need to complain about?

all in all...a really fabulous day!

where i find my self-worth...

i think what God is teaching me right now...is...a lot about where i find my self-worth...

so it was by no means an accident when my sister-in-law gave me a cd series to listen to...along the same lines...yes...i believe God had everything to do with it...;o)

the series is called "precious in His sight" taught by theresa ingram, wife of chip ingram...
it was basically a teaching to help women understand that they are fully forgiven, deeply loved, and have great worth because of their relationship with Christ...

we all spend many hours and days trying to be someone significant...often times looking in the mirror and not liking what we see...little do we know how precious we are in God's sight...

i know intellectually that God loves me...that His Son died for me...and His word is true to me all the time...but i do not necessarily feel it all the time as truth in my life day to day...

as i have gotten older...as i look into the mirror as a 46 year old women...i am less confident in how i look...and i'm being challenged to look to see where my confidence lies beyond my physical appearance...

speaking with others who are getting older...i am learning that everyone is going through the struggles as they age...especially in our culture...with the magazines and movies "telling" us how we should look...what size we should be...

i am learning that i need to let that go...

don't get me wrong...i still care about how i look...and i try to look my best...

but the point is ...

where is my worth?

is my worth in my impression of myself? or is it in other peoples impression of how i look?

or is it in...

how much God loves me no matter who i am or what i will become?

treadmill kitten...

this just makes me laugh...everytime i watch it...

christmas tree day...

today is the big day! i get my christmas tree...

this was the first year that i seriously considered not getting a tree...with the finances the way they are...and no true change in sight...should i really be spending my money on a christmas tree that will be here for less than a month?

the problem is...that i cannot get a little tree...that would probably cost less money...and take up less room...

my theory is...if i'm getting a tree...i'm going to go all out...

my christmas trees are always over 6 feet tall...this year will be no exception...

my girlfriend and i go every year...look over tree after tree to find the perfect one for my home...
she does this with me...every year...she has her artificial tree that she is happy with...and even though she is not picking one out for herself...she takes a morning off to help me out...
awww...

it is quite a site to behold - two girls trying to manuever 6 ft trees...but every year we manage...we also always find the perfect tree...and somehow...the two of us...manage to get the tree into my house...and on the stand...and standing straight...what a team!

prerequisites for my tree are: over 6 ft tall...and as wide as is possible...

i am like a little kid - as i start to imagine how my home will be after today...the smell of the fresh cut tree...the twinkling lights...the christmas music in the background...

and my two kitties will happily sit underneath the tree...they do this every year...as they are indoor cats...and this is the closest to nature that they ever get...

this year will be a "light" christmas as far as gift giving - so many people are struggling with finances...but as i think about it...the gift giving...although fun to give and receive...should not be the main focus of christmas...it is a time for family and friends...and time spent together...

i hope to have my home full of friends and family thoughout this season...so with that anticipation...i look forward to today...to make my home a christmas wonderland...for my friends and family who will visit...and for me...

one of my favorite things to do this time of year...is to sit quietly at night...with only the lights of the tree lighting the room..and contemplate...think...pray...and focus on all the wonderful things in my life...

there is a sense of peace...in the quiet of those moments...to focus on the birth of Christ...how He came to this world...a king...born in a manger...come to save the world...

the coffee bean...

as i was looking through my emails this morning...i came across one that i had saved...sent from a friend of mine...as i re-read it...i remembered why i had kept it...i had read this one before...but it was such a strong analogy...i love emails that make you stop and think...and evaluate where you are in your walk of life...

every trial, adversity and circumstance in life allow us to make a choice...although the trial or circumstance may not change for a while...or may completely change our course...we all have a choice in our reaction to it...

i'm striving to be a coffee bean...

thought i would share...

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of all the fighting and struggling. It seemed as though in solving one problem, two more would arise.

Her father, ( a chef ) took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil.

In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans.

He let them sit and boil without saying a word. The daughter impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners.

He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and poured it in a cup.

Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"

He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrots went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, they softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, the insides became hardened. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

How about you? Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength? Are you the egg, which starts off with a changeable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after difficult times, have you become hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but are you tough with a stiff spirit and heart? Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain. When the water reaches it's peak temperature, it just tastes better.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you. When people talk about you, do your praises to the Lord increase? When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, does your worship elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? "

fa la la la lifetime...

wow...i can't believe it is december! where has this year gone??

my favorite favorite time of year is upon us...time for christmas trees, decorations, shopping...
and most importantly...celebrating "Jesus"...the true reason for the season...

thirty days prior to christmas...the tv channel lifetime (ch 46 in my area) runs christmas movies...calling the event "fa la la la lifetime"...

every year i am like a hooked junkie...i tell you...how many versions of the movie "scrooge" can you watch? over the weekend i saw two contemporary versions...one with susan lucci...and the other with vanessa williams...i know the story...i know the ending...but yet i sit there...crying through it...

this last weekend i think i saw 5 movies on this channel...i cried through every one of them...no wonder i was sporting a headache all weekend...

these movies touch the heart strings...the christmas stories are about love, family, romance and hope...it doesn't get better than that...

if you are in need of some christmas cheer...check out the movies...i guarantee you will laugh...you will cry...and your heart will be warmed with this incredible season...

so tune into fa la la la lifetime...and have a fa la la la month...

chocolate birthday cake...nothing better...

when i was a little girl...for my birthday...i would always get either a strawberry or lemon cake...both my brothers would get chocolate cakes...nothing wrong with that...but i loved chocolate...and my brothers preferred the fruit flavors...but in my mom's mind...girls got pink & yellow...boys got the chocolate...kinda sexist...hahaha



as i got older...moved out...birthday cakes faded away...as i thought back on it...i think it was just that my birthday fell within the week of thanksgiving...so all the talk of desserts and stuff were based on the thanksgiving dinner...



i honestly do not remember the last time i got a birthday cake...let alone a chocolate one...it has definately been many many many years...periodically we would laugh about it during family dinners...how the strawberry & lemon cakes traumatized me...how i don't get birthday cakes...

everyone would laugh...but there was a little part of me every year...like a little girl...waiting & hoping that i would get a chocolate birthday cake...



this year...i decided to take matters into my own hands...why did someone else need to get me my birthday cake? if it is what i wanted...then i might as well go and get it...



my plan was in place...i went over to copenhagen bakery...looked at all the chocolate cakes...picked my favorite...asked them to write "happy birthday to me" and prepared to bring it to the family thanksgiving dinner...



as i walked into my mom & dad's house...the whole family was already there...and i made my announcement..."i have a surprise for everyone...this year i decided that i would finally get my own chocolate birthday cake...and i brought it today for all of us to share"



ok - as a side note...cracks me up that i buy something for myself and let everyone know that it is for them ;o)...kind of like the time that my ex boyfriend loved a girl wearing jeans...so i went out and bought a pair of jeans for myself...and told him i bought "him" a surprise...



but i digress...



seems my mom had been feeling pretty bad over the years...that my birthday was kind of over looked each year because of thanksgiving...this year...she had decided she was going to make it extra special...and she baked me a two layer chocolate cake with dulce de leche...and the most divine chocolate frosting ever...



needless to say...it completely touched me...not because it was chocolate...although that was pretty incredible...but because she took time out...while cooking up the whole spread for thanksgiving...to bake me my very own birthday cake...



she even had candles for me...and had everyone sing happy birthday to me...during the thanksgiving dessert time...



i was definately on a chocolate high last nite...and out of the seven different desserts out on the table...my mom's cake was the most delish...probably because it was made with so much love...



below is a pic of my two cakes...don't bother counting the candles...apparently my mom didn't have enough...haha

thanksgiving morning...

as i sit in the quiet of my home...i am overwhelmed with emotion...

there is so much to be thankful for...

as i think back over the year...there are so many things that didn't go the way i had thought they would...the way i had wanted them to...or the way i had planned...

it has been a year of lessons...some really hard lessons...
it has been a year of hurt...disappointment...
it has been a year of loss...betrayal...

but i sit today...and i am happier than i have been in years...how could that be?
i can say that for the first time in a really long time...i am content...i am content with where i am...

how can i have a thankful contented heart when the circumstances in my life are not what i had planned?

how can i have a thankful contented heart when the circumstances lie outside my control or my power to change it?

what i know for sure is that i serve a God who is trustworthy...and that He desires our good...God is sovereignly in control, providing for and working out ALL the circumstances in the lives of those who love Him. He is intimately involved with us...and He works out His purposes through the events in our lives...

what i know for sure is that God's love for His people is not determined by the circumstance in our lives. His love is steadfast...our marital status (dating life), career or finances might fluctuate or totally fall apart...in spite of that, though...we can..and must give Him thanks...He is always with us...

during this year...i have felt more love from family and friends...they surrounded me...they never said "i told you so"....even though they had warned me...they stood by me...comforted me...encouraged me...and loved me...

i know that was God...because at my lowest point...it was Him who came and met me...picked me up...and carried me...carried me until i was able to walk again...carried me until i was able to look beyond my circumstances at all that i truly had...

and i have a lot...

so as i'm sitting in the quiet...knowing that in about 5 hours...i will be with family...the first time in a long time...that the whole family will be together...i know there will be a lot of laughter...goofiness...stories told...teasing...

and for that...i am thankful...

but most of all...i am thankful for my Father in Heaven...who loves me in spite of me...

as i open up my itunes...i search songs based on the word "thankful"...

the first song plays...and once again i am overwhelmed...how appropriate...these words ring so true...

thankful by the katinas

Just a little while longer I wanna pray
Can't get You off my mind so I came to say
Thank You Lord just for loving me
Many times as I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord,
I know You're showing me
You are there when I am down and out
You're holding me, Your love is so amazing
Oh it changed me

Chorus:
Here I am with all I am
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank you, oh thank you
For everything, for who You are
You cover me, You touch my heart
I wanna say thank you

I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn't have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on
I should have been the one to pay
But instead You took my place
My Jesus, words cannot explain
Even though I don't deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed mercy

I wanna say thank you for the sun
I wanna say thank you for the rain
Everything You do is beautiful
I'm so grateful for Your love

Chorus:
Here I am with all I am
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank you, oh thank you
For everything, for who You are You cover me,
You touch my heart I wanna say thank you

may you find contentment in your situations...happy thanksgiving!

the order of events...

pet peeves...i have a few...but one that seems to really get under my skin...is the fact that christmas is promoted...seems like earlier and earlier...are we going to get to the point where christmas decorations are seen in the stores year round?

this year i think i saw the first glimpse of christmas in stores in late september...what happened to halloween and more importantly...thanksgiving??

i am pretty stubborn in my own "rules" of holiday start times...and actually...hopefully...i won't change ;o)

for example...i will not pull out any of my christmas stuff...or listen to christmas music...until the day after thanksgiving...something in me...i cannot do it...i feel at times that thanksgiving is just kind of thought of for a moment...and then the focus is back on the upcoming christmas holiday...

thanksgiving to me is a very special holiday...and yes...part of it is that i LOVE turkey SO much...actually i love all the food that is served at the thanksgiving table all the way to desserts...which in our household is quite the variety...

but more importantly...it is a time to really focus on all that we have...not necessarily in material items...but not to ignore those...but also...all the areas we have been blessed...all the wonderful family and friends that we are surrounded with...

there are so many things to be thankful for...and no...it shouldn't be thought of only on this day...but we also shouldn't live it as any other day...

yesterday was another reminder...just like every big event that happens...some make us think about what we have...and where we are in life...

it is sad that it takes tragedy, or the loss of someone you love, to snap us back to realizing what we have...

this thanksgiving...if you are fortunate enough to sit around a table full of family and friends...maybe even those irritating relatives...that may be a bit hard to handle...and food on the table...and laughter...

thank the Lord for your fortune...in a world where we are constantly wishing for more...many times...not happy with our current situations...

we are a blessed people...

so as i am like a little child...excited about pulling out my christmas music...i know that opportunity will come...at its appointed time...for now...i want to bask in all the blessings the Lord has given me...

i want to thank Him for my family...quirky as we may be...
i want to thank Him for my friends...who this year...have really surrounded me when i needed it most...
i want to thank Him for my health...
i want to thank Him for my home...
i want to thank Him for my beautiful two boys...(yes...my kitties) who entertain me daily...
i want to thank Him for the life He has given me...although at times it has been hard...it is a great life...and my hope is that it brings Him honor...

happy thanksgiving...

a little too much excitement in san mateo...

this morning started like any other...except that i remember talking to my uncle and telling him how there was a shooting last nite 4 blocks away from where i was having dinner...we were in the financial district in san francisco...how much safer can you be??

i told him that no place is safe anymore...

fast forward 1 1/2 hours...it is 9:30 or so...and i head out to my car...as i am driving out of the driveway...i look to my right...and see a cop car...i think that this is a little strange...then look left...it looks clear...so i proceed out of the driveway...turning left...only to be blocked by two other cop cars...i stopped at that point...wondering...should i keep driving? do i stop?
a police officer frantically motions for me to keep driving...

as i'm driving away...i had no idea that i would not be back in my home until a little after 4pm...

returning to my street 30 minutes later...my street was completely blocked off...no one could drive in...i parked my car...and stood waiting for the news...

15 minutes earlier there were gun shots...pop pop pop...it was like a movie...and then silence...so surreal...

as the minutes passed...different stories emerged...the bank on el camino had been robbed..and then the robbers ran and invaded a home on my street...four doors down from my house...four doors!!

now the story is that there was no bank robbery...just a home invasion...as the robber barged in...the mother was able to txt her husband...who called the police...

one neighbor i stood by...his room mate was still in the apartment when there was a knock on the door...he answered it to find snipers at his door needing to come in and set up...

our one tiny block...blocked off at each end with police yellow tape...had about 25 police cars, the swat team, the sniper team & hazmet services...

as the stories unveiled...the family that had recently moved in...two children ages 1 and 3...were home with their mother...as the mother was throwing her children out of the window...she was shot in the back...and later died...

what is our world coming to? san mateo has got to be one of the safest neighborhoods you could live in...this was so random...

we were finally allowed back into our homes a little after 4pm..as i sit in my living room...half the block is still taped off...police officers are everywhere...forensics are here...news reporters from every station...

and all i could think of is this poor mother...24 years old...risking her life to save her two young children...

my phone has been ringing off the hook...as people are either watching the news on tv...or have driven by my neighborhood...everyone wants to make sure i'm ok...and once again i am reminded...of how blessed i am in my life...with so many people that love me...

my prayers are with these two small children...and their father...who now must work through this ordeal and the loss of their mother/wife...

we are really living in crazy times...and this is a reminder...that no one is promised tomorrow...live your life each day as best you can...

laughter..the best medicine...

friday nite i had the opportunity to see damon wayan's at cobbs comedy club...

i usually do not like comedy clubs...some weird fear i have that "i" will be the one picked on...definately not the kind of attention i crave for...there are always those obnoxious people that make a point of annoying the comedian...i guess in hopes of getting a little bit of the lime light...me...not so much...i just want to sit and enjoy the show...

friday...i got a chance to do that...damon was hilarious...i laughed till my stomach hurt...it was THE best medicine...

the wayans have a full family of comedians...all the brothers are funny...can you imagine what there family get togethers must be like?

although it has been my birthday week...and every day has been so much fun and full of love from my friends and family...there is the underlying stress that is there...finances, the economy, feeling pulled into situations that i shouldn't be a part of...but am...all in all...when i get home...that is what awaits me...stress...

friday nite showed me how wonderful laughter is...i am sure that there was a room full of people that had stress, hurt, loneliness, loss...but for a while...everyone just laughed...does it make the pain go away? does it make the stress go away? no...it is still there...but the laughter from deep inside you...when it erupts...it in some way releases some of that...even if only for a short time...

throughout the weekend...i would remember some of the things that damon had said in his show...and it brought the smile back...brought the laughter back...

research has shown that laughter has health benefits as well as a way for stress management...and the good thing is...you can get it for free...

"mirth is God's medicine. everybody ought to bathe in it" henry ward beecher

"the most wasted of all days is one without laughter" e.e. cummings

"laughter is the shortest distance between two people" victor borge

laughter is contagious...so if you have a chance for laughter...seize the moment...

a parisian birthday...

anyone who knows me...knows that i love anything french...french fashion...french food...i can always spot a fleur-de-lis...in fact...many reside in my home...and then there is just paris...beautiful beautiful paris with its eiffel tower, cafe's, shopping, museums, churches...just thinking about it...makes me want to go back...(dana...are you ready?)...

my birthday "nite" was celebrated "paris" style...i was greeted at the door with a dozen beautiful red roses...(that isn't necessarily french...but it was lovely...none the less)

dinner was at chouchou (pronounce shooshoo) a french bistro...chouchou comes from the term "mon petit chou" literally translated as "my little cabbage", but actually means "cutie-pie" awww...

on the third thursday of each november, from little villages and towns like romanèche-thorins, over a million cases of beaujolais nouveau begin their journey through a sleeping france to paris for immediate shipment to all parts of the world. banners proclaim the good news: le beaujolais nouveau est arrivé! "the new beaujolais has arrived!" one of the most frivolous and animated rituals in the wine world has begun.

well...the third thursday of november this year...fell on my birthday...so there was quite the celebration going on in the restaurant...

the restaurant is a tiny hole in the wall...you would really only know about it through word of mouth...which honestly are my favorite kinds of restaurants...
the host was adorable...as we walked in he gave us the biggest hug...both my date and i! he welcomed us to the celebration...and told us a little of the meaning of this third thursday in november...

dinner was absolutely deliscious...nice and rich...and mouth watering...paired with a bottle of the beaujolais nouveau...and then of course...the best part...dessert! a chocolate pear tart...

as we were leaving...the host ran out to the street...to give us one more big hug...

it was such a warm friendly atmoshere...from the moment we stepped in to the restaurant...until the very last moment...

and me?? well...i honestly felt like i had been taken to paris for my birthday...

happy birthday to adena and me...

happy birthday adena!! and happy birthday to me!

my partner and dear dear friend adena and i share the same birthday! can you imagine?? two fashionista's out and about on the town??

that was us last nite! what a fun time...good conversation...and those pomegranate martini's...won't say how many we had...but hey...we were celebrating! and on top of it?? i get the most beautiful vintage bracelet...oh...how she knows me!

adena - i love you girl! so much! it has been a pleasure getting to know you this year...working with you! sharing fashionista loves together...but most of all...just having you in my life as a friend...you are an absolutely beautiful woman...inside and out...and i am proud to call you my friend!

and me...well...i have always loved celebrating my birthday...it is truly the time in my life where i am reminded of how many wonderful people i am blessed to call my friends...

my phone has been ringing off the hook...i have txt messages galore...birthday cards are filling up my kitchen counter...email is full of ecards i haven't even gotten to...i have birthday plans through mid december in my calendar...

and i just sit back and thank the Lord for the blessings...i am surrounded by so many incredible friends and family...some i've known a lifetime...others are new friends...the length of time doesn't really matter...what matters is that i have for some reason...been blessed with so much love in my life...and for that...i am forever grateful!

dinner with andy...

last nite my friend andy took me for birthday celebrations to boulevard in san francisco...one of my fave restaurants...it was so nice to see him and catch up...

andy and i go way back to my days at bgi...he has recently retired (at the age of 45!) and has been traveling all over the world for the last year and a half...it was wonderful to hear of all his travels...places he has been...and places that are planned for the coming year...

before he retired...he had been out of the country most of the last 10 years...traveling for work...so we rarely had a chance to see each other...but kept in touch via email mostly and sporadic phone calls...

the sweetest thing for my birthday this year...was that he planned his travels around my date...
so my dinner date was planned literally between a trip to poland and singapore...i thought that was kinda sweet...warmed the cockles of my heart...i told him...

the evening was full of lots of reminiscing...we used to always go sailing by the golden gate bridge...all our work escapades...massive dinner parties...but one moment made me blush...andy got a kick out of that...he started telling me the first moment he "noticed" me at work...he had been working for about a month...apparently when i made my entrance...this one day...his first thought was..."and why is this the first time i am noticing her?"...i never never knew...i of course argued on some of his detailed accounts...especially the "short shorts" i was wearing...although we both know that my memory bank is about the size of a gnat...i had planned to tell the story...but i think i'll just keep it between the two of us...;o)

so as andy gets ready for his trip to singapore...i am looking forward to more birthday celebrations...

but one plan made last night...is that we will make a point to get back out and sail...
that makes me long for summer...

cleaning out the closets...

as i have been diligently cleaning out my closets...a lesson has emerged...who knew?

having done many closet audits for clients...you would think that cleaning out my own closet would be a breeze...not so much...why do we hold on to things that serve us no purpose? it is too easy to say that we will let go of the past...the past can be like our closet...which holds all the clothes we have ever worn...all the clothes from different seasons...and all the sizes we have ever worn...each one can represent...a different aspect of the past that we need to let go of...

some of the clothes may bring laughter...how could we wear such a thing? yet we still hold on to it...it serves some memory for us...maybe the "good ole days" or a wonderful day...a relationship...they may be clothes that we wouldn't be caught dead in now...yet they remain hidden in the closet...out of sight...however...though they be hidden away...they remain...taking up room...and they are a constant reminder every time you open your closet door...dig through the clothes to find something to wear...

letting go makes room for the new...just as our closets could be crammed with clothes...our hearts and lives can be overstuffed with "junk" and preventing us from the fullness of intimacy with Christ in our lives...and all that He has intended for us...

i have had to deal with the past in so many ways this last year...it has reared its ugly head most recently in the last few weeks...in order to challenge me, mock me, ridicule me, and most of all...try and intimidate me from moving on in Him to His higher calling for my life...try and convince me to deny who my Abba Father says i really am...

if this happens to me...i am most assured it happens to others...maybe even you...

the hurt seeps through my heart...and i start to question all over again...i have let go...but i have also come to the realization of what i needed and still need to get to the point that i know Him as i am known by Him...i need to let go again...

not quite sure why most recently...people have decided to come out of the woodwork and reveal stories of the person i once loved...a part of me needs to question..why now? why was i not aware of these things before...before i gave my all...and why are these stories finding there way to me? are they things i needed to know? are they things that are just moving in to hurt me? i carefully watch the actions of these people...do they have my best interest at heart? are they just trying to hurt a persons reputation? as they continue to befriend the person they so freely reveal things about...i question the intentions...

the reality is...that alot of the stories are probably true...but they don't pertain to me anymore...but i fight the feelings of being so wrong about a person...and that part does hurt...knowing that when you thought you meant something to someone...you really didn't...you were just one of many...

it is a constant exercise...i will never be the person who wore those old clothes and neither will you...we are new creatures in Christ...and becoming newer every day in every way...the enemy would want us to believe that we are the same person...he does this by convincing us that we are unworthy, unloved or unforgivable...by rattling the chains of our past in our face...

it is so easy for us to go back to that place...to question...to re-evaluate ourselves...and our worth...this is when we need to cling to our Father...

in loving Him...we will love others...in loving Him...we will love ourselves...and in loving ourselves we will begin to realize the life He has for us...and how we allow others to treat us...

so how does this relate to cleaning out our closets? well...we must remove anything that separates us from the love of God...whether it be lies of the enemy about God...others...or our self...whether it be actual things or strongholds we need to forsake and let go of...be it our thought life, attitudes or actions...

often times seeing the issue whether it be the truth about a personal struggle...or a lie of the enemy...it will lead you to the Father...in the Father...you find the answer...once you find the answer, which is the very opposite of the struggle or the lie...you can swiftly clean it out of the closet of your heart...and make room for more of His truth...

enough is enough...time for a trip to goodwill...

is it time yet?...

i have been like a little kid...getting excited for the christmas decorations...the christmas music...of course everything has its order...and there are several things that need to take place before my absolutely favorite holiday...christmas...

my birthday (of course)...a holiday of its own?? no...not really...but it definately is a great time of year for me...i love the celebrations...my brothers never understood why a birthday which is one day...for me lasted for months...;o) its been a busy month...birthday celebrations almost every day...gotta love it! i'm sure i'm gonna gain some pounds with all the dinners...but...hey...totally worth it...i can diet next year!

so far my birthday celebrations are planned through december...i'll take time off for thanksgiving...to celebrate the season of thanks...turkey...uh...let me see...that won't be difficult to do...

but for now...it is dinners, plays, drinks and my friends (and family) showing me much love...

but back to christmas...as much as i love my birthday celebrations every year...there is a tiny part of me...excited about the first glimpse of my tree...the twinkling lights...and most important...celebrating the birth of my Lord and Savior...now that is the birthday celebration of the year!

highs and lows..combined...

what a strange week it has been - as i woke up this morning and thought about what to write...i couldn't really pin-point the right way to describe the week...

in one way it has been so wonderful...there has been a lot of wonderful chats with friends...on the phone and face to face...time spent with family...which brought a lot of laughter...re-connected with some friends from the past through facebook...and in that did alot of reminiscing and laughing...which led to more phone calls and coffee dates...celebrated in a friends wonderful news...

and in all that...i realize how incredibly blessed i am...i realize i have a lot of people in my life who, for whatever reason...love me very much...i don't pretend to understand it...but i do not take it for granted...

i think it is for this reason...that in the transition period of my life...that is has been the love of my friends and family...that i have been able to keep on...keeping on...

i call it a transition period for no other reason than not knowing what else to call it...there have been so many moments this week - where i thought i was finally catching a break in areas in my life...and it wasn't till the last moment...that i stood as they crumbled before me...almost like someone was playing a cruel cruel joke on me...but no one was playing a cruel joke on me...it was just the circumstances and how they played out...

no one to blame...although i do remember thinking that this was it...finally some of the work i had been doing was paying off...but just as soon as i saw the potential in front of me...the programs had changed...and i was sitting on nothing once again...

there is a little bit of frustration...a little bit of worry...but it is manageable...and that is the part that sometimes is hard for me to grasp...i know that i know that God has got everything in control...i don't know how...i don't know where...i just don't know...and every moment this week...where i thought...this is it...and watched it crumble...right before my eyes...i had to look up to Him...and say...i'm still trusting you...

and i do...i really do...i know that i am to learn from this experience...not sure what...but i'm open to whatever...whatever it is...if anything...i have learned to completely rely on Him...and maybe that is what i need to learn...

so coming out of a week that has had a mixture of such highs and such lows...i hold on to the fact that He will never give me more than i can handle...i find that i am able to handle a lot more than i thought...and i am able to do it with a good attitude...and as i say that...i am not boasting...just making a point that it is only through Him that i am able to smile and feel good in the midst of some not so good situations...

i do not believe that the many friends i have are a coincidence...and yes...i know that friendship takes work...and i have always worked at the relationships God has placed in my life...i have not taken them for granted...and in the times where i need them most...they surround me...

i heard an interview a while back where the actress had come out of a bad season...and she said..."it's a situation where the rug was pulled out from under me all of a sudden. but just as suddenly, my friends threw another rug back under me."

that is truly how i have been feeling...my friends and family continue to surround me and shower me with love...and in that...i am able to face another day and all that it brings me...

this morning my devotion talked about psalm 131

in the message...writer eugene peterson puts it this way: “God, I'm not trying to rule the roost, I don't want to be king of the mountain. I haven't meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans. I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart …” (Psalm 131:1-2a).

psalm 131 ends with David urging us to place our trust and hope in God. So today, I will not hope in my ambitions or grand plans for the future, nor will I desire an always-easy path so I don’t have to face difficulty. Rather I will leave all that to Him and I will simply stand at God’s side, ready to explore my day.

my circumstances have not changed...if anything...they have gotten a little worse...but i know that He is right here by my side...and i know that He has placed these wonderful friends and family strategically in my life...

right now...i want to continue cultivating a quiet heart...so that i may hear and know His voice and His direction in my life...

thoughts on forgiveness...

as i think back over the week - i realize that i have had about six separate indepth conversations with different friends about forgiveness...there are a lot of hurting people out there...and the question always comes up..."how can i forgive them after they hurt me so bad"?

i will never sit here and say i am an expert on forgiveness...lets face it...sometimes it is the hardest thing to do....but...we are called to forgive...just as our Father has forgiven us...

we live in a world where so many people are walking around hurt and angry...the truth is...that every one of us has been hurt at one time or another...

the command to forgive is hard in that many times we do not want to forgive...we want justice...we want the other person to know how much they hurt us...we may even want to hurt back...

i decided to look back on my notes over the years on forgiveness...these are the highlights...they are taken from sermon notes and books i've read...

why forgive??

first and foremost...forgiveness reflects God's character...
what a way to show the Father's love...forgive as HE has forgiven you...forgiveness gives us the opportunity to extend to others what God has extended to us...

i think one of the hardest things about forgiveness is battling with the idea that we are excusing someone or letting them "get away with" what they did...
proverbs 19:11 says "it is more honorable to bury an injury than to revenge it. wrath denotes weakness; a noble heroic spirit overlooks a petty offense."

one of the best ways to show someone the wrong they have done is to contrast their actions with grace.

forgiveness also releases us...people who refuse to forgive hurt themselves...unforgiveness always leads to bitterness and resentment...

one of the best quotes i have ever read on forgiveness...comes from thomas watson's book 'the Lord's prayer'
"when have we truly forgiven? when we strive against all thoughts of revenge; when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. this is gospel-forgiving."

wow...

forgiveness has taken place when we can honestly seek good for the other person...
it is when we make an effort to restore a relationship rather than avoid the relationship... forgiveness has taken place when past actions no longer hold a place in our hearts and mind... forgiveness is real when hate is replaced by love...

sometimes forgiveness takes time...sometimes you may think you have forgiven and moved on...only to have something spark a memory of the hurt you felt...and you are in the place that you need to deal with it again...

forgiveness is a decision of the mind and the heart which must be reaffirmed over and over...

henri nouwen says...
"But God's forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking. It is this divine forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life. It calls me to keep stepping over all my arguments that say forgiveness is unwise, unhealthy, and impractical. It challenges me to step over all my needs for gratitude and compliments. Finally, it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive."

finally...we must understand that the act of forgiveness does not guarantee that the relationship will be restored...the person we forgive may not even see anything they need to be forgiven of....they may even seem indifferent to the pain they have inflicted...ultimately...forgveness may not affect the other person at all...

but...we must extend forgiveness...none the less...it is an act of trust toward God...we forgive because we choose to do what is right...not for the response we hope to get from the other...

we also need to realize that we cannot wait for someone else to make the first move...
we may feel the person who offended should be the one to make the first move...
however, the Lord gives us no such rule...the rule the Lord gives us is simply this: forgive as I have forgiven you...God made the first move toward us...

max lucado sums it up best...and in simple words...

"Perhaps the wound is old. A parent abused you. A teacher slighted you. And you are angry.
Or perhaps the wound is fresh. The friend who owes you money just drove by in a new car. The boss who hired you with promises of promotions has forgotten how to pronounce your name. Your circle of friends escaped on a weekend getaway, and you weren't invited . .
And you are hurt.
Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter. Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight. The tears you cry are hot because they come from your heart, and there is a fire burning in your heart. It's the fire of anger. It's blazing. It's consuming. Its flames leap up under a steaming pot of revenge
And you are left with a decision. "Do I put the fire out or heat it up? Do I get over it or get even? Do I release it or resent it? Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt turn into hate?" . . .
Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge.
Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left."

phillip yancey says...
"In the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God's hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy."

so how do i know when i need to forgive? it is usually in the area that i resist forgiveness the most...
so to my friends who are grappling with forgiveness...

it is time to let go...

it is time to let the grace and love of God work in you and through you...perhaps it is someone you work with...perhaps it is someone from your past...perhaps it is a family member...perhaps it is someone who you thought was your dearest friend...perhaps it is yourself you need to forgive...

it is time to make the decsion to let go...it is time to extend a hand...dare a smile...build a bridge...

what i know for sure about forgiveness is that it is not easy...it is not natural...but when we forgive...truly forgive...we find that a prisoner has been set free...and that prisoner...is us...

to g...with love...

today is my oldest friend's birthday..."oldest" in that she is the one i have known the longest in my beautiful life...

today she is fifty and fabulous!

i was almost two years old when her family got off the ship (after two months on it) from argentina...stepping onto u.s. soil...she was 6 yrs old...and our families did alot together...and we...always remained good friends...

when i think back on all the memories we have had...it truly amazes me at the blessing i have had because of her incredible self...she has been a friend through good and bad times...

she is four yrs older than me...but somehow that never interfered with our friendship...

we laughed together, cried together, got in trouble together ;o), did some crazy stupid things together...shared dreams, disagreed at times...but the friendship never wavered...

oh that all may experience a friendship like this...

so 44 yrs later...i want to tell you g...

i love you so much! my prayers and wishes for you go so deep...i am thankful and blessed to have you in my life...

the memories i have of us...well...so many...always bring a smile to my face...we have lived some incredible moments together...and i'm looking forward to all those to come...

you have been...and still remain...one of my dearest friends...

here is looking at the next 44 yrs!

happy birthday!

closed doors...

i have to admit...i am pretty amazed at my tude these days...i have walked into more closed doors this year...particularly this month...than i have in a very very long time...

just when it seems that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...i face another closed door...i will admit...there is frustration...but it is short-lived...inside...i truly know and believe that the closed door just signifies that there is something else for me...something better? something brighter? something bigger?

not sure right now what the something is...i just know that it is there...and i am waiting on its perfect timing...

all i know right now...is that i am to keep on keeping on....whether i feel like it or not...and that is what i am doing...

for the things that are in my control...for the things that i know that i can accomplish...for the things i know i am called to do...i do...and i do them to the best of my ability...so many of these things seem so trivial...but i know that i need to be faithful in all things...the small and the big...

so until i get to that open door...i will continue to pray and wait...and know...that He has got it all in control.

monday blues...

ever have one of those days...where nothing is wrong...yet everything is wrong? i'm having one of those today...

i have even debated not writing...but writing is probably what i need to do...

came out of an absolutely incredible weekend...dinner with friends on one nite...the opera and dinner on another nite...hanging out with friends during the day...

so why am i feeling a bit gloomy? is it the weather? is it because it is monday? is it because i have been in my circumstance too long? is it because my life is ho-hum today? is it because i'm not feeling well physically?

so many reasons as to why...which one fits? or is it the combination of all of them...gotten me to a point where i just want to crawl back into bed...

the urge is there...but i fight it...i fight it...because i have really been focusing on the good in my life...and there is so much good...it would be a shame to focus on the bad...because really...the bad is out of my control...and the bad does not rule my happiness or contentment...and the bad...in the big scope of things...is not that big...not when i focus on the good...

so i guess i have two choices...to crawl into bed...which i have already decided is not an option...or make the most of my day...

my to-do list is long...and nothing on it seems exciting...but i focus on the feeling i will have...the sense of accomplishment when done...

and i focus on all the "moments" God has already given me today...those little hugs needed along the way...

my conversation with my mom this morning...her laughter...
the three phone calls i have already received from friends...just saying hi...and checking in...
the beautiful rose blooming in my front yard...
my neighbors dog "capote" who licked my face to death this morning when he saw me...
the wonderful worship music blasting through my house...reminding me of His love

for these reasons...i fight the urge to crawl back into bed...there is so much life and love around me...i just want to soak it all in...and focus on the many blessings i am surrounded in...

open door for l...

my girlfriend just told me that she got a verbal offer on a job...God is SO good...

we have been in prayer..seriously for the last year...there have been other job postings...and interviews...and many disappointments...but through it all...as doors were slammed shut...and there were moments of "come on God...throw me a bone here..." the right job has been placed in her lap...

well not placed...she did have to do the work...but as i heard of the job description...it was really a job that was tailor made for her...;o) yeah...not a coincidence...

i am still so amazed at God's goodness towards us sometimes...i am still amazed at His timing...
i probably shouldn't be...but i kinda like that i am...because then the "surprises" God places in our lives are that much more meaningful...

looking back is always easier...to see the hand of God work to orchestrate such an event...now that the verbal offer is received...it is easy to say...it was worth the wait...but lets face it...the waiting is not easy...

there are times my girlfriend felt forgotten...felt over-looked...felt discouraged...but we kept claiming His promises...and we kept praying...and we kept believing that there was just something better suited for her...

i am proud of you l...you held on to His promises...you didn't give up...you stayed loyal in your present position...even at times when it was difficult to do so...not because of you...but because of others and their lack of respect for your work...their attitude that you would just always be there...and take it...

i know the year has been rough...and through all the closed doors...you grew stronger and more devoted to your Savior...and now...the door has been opened for you...

i am excited at what this new position brings to you...and above all - i know that His light will be shining through you...every day...

i love you!

when i say...i am a christian...

my girlfriend sent me this yesterday...i really enjoy maya angelou's writing...thanks a!
to all my girlfriends!!

Christians
by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... but beautiful is just plain beautiful!

isn't that great??

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (I Samuel 16:7 NIV).

the aftermath of the election...

watching the election coverage yesterday...i had such mixed emotions...for relief...i would log on to facebook...to see what my friends were up to...but there was no relief in sight...all that was there...was posting after posting of everyone's "thoughts" on the election coverage...

i will admit...i have never really been that big into politics...but this time it caught my attention...i watched many of the debates...read articles...and prayed alot...but i still didn't want to get into political conversations...or debates...i have always felt that each vote...was a personal decision...after all...that is our personal freedom that we have...

but where does it stop? where does it stop being a little rah rah session for your candidate...and then turn into evil accusations, random threats, and affect relationships?

come on people!

i have heard of friends turning one each other...because one didn't support "their" candidate or "their" side on certain issues...i have heard people say that now "life" is over for us...and...i have heard...that now we have our "answer"

our only "answer" should be our Lord and Savior...Jesus Christ!! it does not matter who is in office...obama is JUST a man...mccain is JUST a man...

i leave with you a "note" posted on facebook - it pretty much sums up how i feel..

Closing Thoughts
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Today at 12:55am
These are the words of one of my roommates Sean Thompson. They are pretty much verbatim on what I've been feeling and felt today. I've got a small addendum at the bottom but it's pretty much all him.

Read on.


"So as Im sitting here bowsing through facebook, looking at everyones status updates (which, save for two, are all regarding tonights elections) and I cant but help but be discouraged by many Christians right now. I dont even know where to begin with this but Ill try...

Im discouraged on both sides of the partisan lines. Im sad that I see my brothers and sisters that are scared that its the end of the world, that they believe socialism is coming to the most capitalistic country ever known to mankind. And I get frustrated when I see people complaining about their $250,000 salary being taxed a little more. Its just money people. You wont have it a hundred years, so who cares. Give the money away and do a tax write off, that way you can avoid those pesky taxes and maybe please God with how you use the incredible financial blessings he's given you.

And on the other side, yes Ill admit I voted for Barack, but Im somewhat nervous at HOW much faith some of us have in him. I feel like I saw people nearly worshipping him during that speech tonight. Barack might be a step in the right direction in my opinion, but lets be careful that we dont give him the title of Savior. Christ is the only truth and life that can bring change and hope. When as the last time so many people stood in awe and wonder like that at the Creator of the universe?

But heres where my real discouragment lies: I see us getting torn apart. I see so much anger, and cynicism, and I see polarization. People, as Christians we are called to be united by love. I think of Pauls words when he describes that in Christ there is no Jew nor Gentile, slave or master, male or female. ...Can you almost hear him saying "Theres no Republican or Democrat" Lets not forget that Gods original plan was not to have governmental institutions...he just wanted us to be in relationship with Him and each other in love. So please, I pray, Im begging you, lets freaking put aside our blues and reds, our prop 8s and 4s, and lets just be the church that says regardless of who the president is, WE are going to be the light of the world. Here now, in this country. We're not going to run away to Canada, and we're not putting our faith in the one person elected president tonight, but rather in Christ. Please please please, dont let Satan use something like democracy to tear us apart. He looks for any way to get a foothold to tear us apart. Please, lets just love. Lets trust. Lets say "Ok maybe I dont agree with whos leading our country now, but we're going to pray that God somehow uses him for His divine purpose" and lets pray for our country,...and gee maybe even think outside ourselves and pray for other countries. Its not just about us.

Anyway, thats been my prayer today, that we would somehow be united in love through Christ. Maybe instead of putting "Yay Obama" on our status updates, maybe we put "yay God" or "yay Jesus still was and is and is to come"

I dont know. Thats just me. Im sorry if by any way this came across as offensive, its just what I believe to be the truth of the gospel, and sometimes that upsets people.

"For the love of God (and I use that phrase on purpose--for the sole reason and imperative of the love of God, not out of conceit or bitterness or glorifying yourself) Don't be a muppet and sit in the balcony. If we desire for this country to recover then we work together on this one. No heel-dragging bullshit please. I love this town. I love God. I love Barack Obama and John McCain. I love Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. I love my country.

And I know that Christ reigns above it all.

Love and peace.

Goodnight.

Dom

doctor news...

my oldest niece was born with a birth mark on the left side of her head...wasn't really noticable...her hair covered it most of the time..but it was noticeable to her...it was the shape of an almond...a little over an inch long...

never really thought much about it...until last month...when i got the call from my sister-in- law...seems that there was growth that had started...which my dear niece didn't tell anyone about...but as it got bigger...she finally told her mom...and off to the doctor they went...

"it is cancerous" the doctor said...as my niece ran out of the room crying...her mom stayed to hear what the doctor had to say...

no one ever wants to hear the word "cancer" especially when it is attached to someone you love so much..especially when that someone is only 17 years old...and has a whole lifetime ahead of them...

i remember that nite...my niece was really upset...we all were...we decided to take her out for some fun...i remember we went and saw "beverly hills chihuahua" (the movie) and laughed...but underneath the laughter...there was alot of uncertainty...a lot of fear...

this last friday...she had surgery...16 staples and 3 stitches later...looks like they got everything they needed to get out...and the birth mark will be gone...

even during the recovery - as painful as it was...my niece remained fashion forward with her scarves covering the surgery work...gotta love her sense of style!

me...i'm just glad she is ok...there is no good time for news like that...she was already so stressed from college apps, choosing schools, senior year and all that it brings...
there were times i looked at her...and i knew her mind was full of so much fear and anxiety...and pressure...her mom & dad had decided to postpone her surgery...so she could still fly out to the east coast to check out schools...we still had our so. california trip...all in all...she was always surrounded by people who loved her...supported her...and most importantly...prayed for her...

i hope during this time...she felt the love and support and prayers...the healing process will take a while...but the worst is behind her...and she can move forward...

times like these...i always think...make us stop for a moment...if only a moment...they teach us to slow down...to know that we cannot make it on our own...to rely on others for support...to not be afraid to ask for prayer...and ultimately to know...He has got our life in His hand...and nothing is going to happen to us...that He is not aware of...

uh oh...is that a pity party forming?

ever have one of those days... where you feel like you are on the side of the highway...need to get on the highway...and have no idea how to get there??

i had one of those days yesterday...nothing grand happened...it was just the combination of small irritants...that made me feel like i was always one step behind...

what do you do with days like that? it is so easy to weigh heavily on the small circumstances that happen...people and their choices...issues that pop up...and start spiraling down into a major pity party...

there were times in my life that this happened...sometimes quite frequently...but i get excited...that i am able to pinpoint the beginnings of a pity party...and sway my thinking...

so what do you sway your thinking to? i truly believe that each individual...no matter what there circumstance...has so much to be thankful for...and that is where i go...

i think of all the good things in my life...the wonderful friends and family...i got a big taste of that yesterday...even at church...in the foyer...i met a new friend...was able to give and receive hugs from lots of people that i normally don't spend alot of time with...mostly due to me squirting in and out of church through the side door...yesterday i made a point to linger around...in the front...and i ended up spending about 30 more minutes there!

i realized i need to do that more often...i left with such a feeling of fullness...and during that time...as i focused on the people around me...funny thing happened...i forgot the feeling of being on the side of the highway...one step behind...

my circumstances did not change...but my attitude did...and suddenly...my circumstances became manageable...

i don't like the rain...

it is raining outside...pretty hard...just in time for the weekend...even the fact that i will be working all weekend...doesn't help...i don't know what it is about the rain that i don't like...

yesterday when the rain started...i was surprised...although i'm not sure why...at all the comments on facebook...everyone loving the rain...well...almost everyone...

i love the rain only when i am inside and know for sure that i will not be leaving the house at all...rain makes me feel down a little bit...where is the sun?

if i think about the rain...it really is a time of refreshing...washing away all the old...and if i think of it on those terms...i can almost start to appreciate the rain...almost...

so i am trying to have a good outlook on the rain...so i focus on the good...grass looks greener...streets are cleaned...and best of all...

i don't need to water my yard...

it's a stretch...i know...

but...

i don't like the rain...

a new chapter...

reality is setting in that my older niece will be leaving for college...so many mixed feelings come with that realization...as i have been a part of checking out colleges with her...some further away than i had ever expected...but it is a good time for her...a new chapter in her life...what could be more exciting than that...

as we have walked through the different campuses...it has been interesting to learn of what she is looking for in the "perfect" college...what her likes and dislikes are with each one...

this week i have been helping proof-read her college entrance essays...i have to say...she is quite the little writer...of course each college has a different topic...a different format...

when she sent the first rough draft on one of the essays...her last line read..."i need more words"
seems she was concentrating more on the number of words needed than the topic...it made me smile...it showed her stress that she has been feeling for quite some time now...i took her words...added a few...and the essays are now ready to be sent...

she mentioned to me last week that she is thinking of starting a blog...of course i think that is a fabulous idea...i told her how therapuetic it has been for me...and what a great way to capture her new adventure...she was worried if anyone would read it...if she would have the time to write every day...

so i told her...plain and simple...this is not a homework assignment...if you want to write daily...go for it...if you want to write 3 times one day...and then nothing...it is your blog...

i know that i look forward to reading her posts...especially when she is away at school...it will be another way to be updated on her days...her stress...her triumphs...her lows...her new adventures...

pebbles rocks and bricks...

in the last few weeks there have been several mountain lion sightings literally 5 to 10 blocks from my home...

text messages and voice mails have been sent to all residents in the area by the police department as an alert while also leaving tips on what to do if confronted by a mountain lion...most people's first response is that this is a joke...one of my friends must have left the message on my machine...

and the fact remains...these are just sightings...the police say that there is a high probability that they could just be bobcats...

as i was speaking to a resident in the neightborhood about the sightings and the alerts...it made me think about the "alerts" we get in our lives sometimes...do we choose to take the information in...or do we justify that it is just a warning...nothing to worry about?

my friends and i refer at times to the small "warnings" in our lives in reference to rocks...we call them pebbles...tiny pebbles...which then turn to small rocks...which then turn into bricks...which then turn into walls...walls that may come crashing down if the warnings are ignored...

it is always easier to look back at situations and see where the tiny pebble was...or where the brick was in a moment in time...it is easy to point out where one may have ignored the warning...for whatever reason...it may be that it was justified that it wouldn't get worse...or justified that it could be handled...

whatever the reason...warnings and alerts are there for a reason...does it mean that we need to stop doing what we are doing? not necessarily...it really does depend on the situation...but it should cause us to stop and evaluate the situation and our surroundings...call it a check point...

God is always giving us alerts when we sway from His path...do we take the tiny pebble thrown in our path and shove it off to the side? or do we take it and adjust our path, our action, our thoughts...or do we wait for a bigger alert...do we wait until the bricks start flying?

for me...i prefer to take the pebbles and learn from them and adjust my ways...there have been many times i have ignored those warnings...only to have the rocks, and then the bricks come my way...and even then...there were times i still felt the urge to ignore the warnings...till i hit the wall...and then the wall came crashing down...

yeah...at that point...i wish i had stopped at the pebble point...there are alot of shoulda woulda coulda's in life...but you live and learn...and pray that the next time...the pebbles will serve as a big enough alert to make changes if needed...

we are your symphony...

why is it that we are never happy with what we have?

i think there are very few people that get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say, "wow, i'm really happy with the way i look"

most compare themselves to the covers of magazines or to the actors that are seen on our tv screens...

those with curly hair wish they had straight hair...
those that are shy wish they were more outgoing...
those that are curvy...wish they were not...
those that are not curvy...wish they were...

dissatisfaction seems to be part of human nature. we spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on what we do not have instead of thanking God for how he has made us...

in my years working as a fashion consultant...this is the challenge...working with the client's assets and hiding the parts that are not so desirable to them...clothes can do wonders if fit properly...they can hide and camouflage...if done right...they can also give the illusion of something that is not really there...

sometimes a person gets "stuck" on one issue...they are waiting to lose that last 10 pounds...then they will start buying the right clothes...not seeing that the right clothes can look like they already lost those last 10 pounds...

being "stuck" on the one issue is preventing them from moving on...

but what about when you are not happy with your life?

we each have a choice to make...when you realize that your life is playing out in a sea of conflict, and you are on a road to nowhere...you have to choose where your loyalty lies. it's either going to be lined up with God or it is going to be lined up with a world view.

it is easy to get off track...to see how our life should be via the world's message through the media. i believe that God has a plan for each of our lives...one that He does not impose on us...unless we ask Him in. God allows us a great deal of freedom in whether or not we will comply with His will. You can choose to follow His plan or follow your own plan.

you see it in the news every nite...there's a battle going on between good and evil. evil in this world fights against and seeks to undermine the truths God has laid out. i believe that is why it is hard at times to see our lives from God's perspective and to cooperate with His plan for our lives. every person has to take a stand; we are either part of the solution or we will be sucked in and become part of the problem...

it is easy to feel like your life is not going anywhere because the standard we use for evaluating ourselves is based on standards set by the world. it's an easy trap to fall into. in every age group, every nationality, every profession, there are worldly standards that tell us how to measure ourselves. but that is not how God wants us to live and evaluate ourselves.

one of my favorite movies is "mr. holland's opus." he had concluded in his life that he had overestimated his value, when actually...he had underestimated his value. he wasn't seeing the whole picture. he was "stuck" on his symphony...that once he completed this...everything else would fall into place...he would be famous and rich. he thought of himself as a failure because he couldn't see past this one thing in his life...

after he cleaned out his desk, his wife and son escorted him into the auditorium where a surprise awaited him. the hall was filled with colleagues and students...past and present...who had gathered to let him know how much his life had meant to them.

one of the students that had been touched by him...and her life had been greatly impacted by him..was now the governor of their state...as she rose to address mr. holland and all those in the room...she started off by telling everyone how he had impacted her life. she ended by saying..."look around you. there is not a life in this room that you have not touched. and each one of us is a better person because of you. we are your symphony, mr. holland. we are the melodies and the notes of your opus, and we are the music of your life."

wow...

we can learn something from mr. holland's experience, like him, most of us draw conclusions about ourselves in the walk of our daily grind. we may assume things like what we do won't really matter or impact anyone...or that it is not possible that we can make a significant difference...but God says that is just not true...

God's word is true...God has a plan for each of us that will bring us fulfillment. those truths can sometimes look dim when you look at them in light of the influences that surround you...we cannot afford to believe only what we see in this world that is warped by wickedness, because our perceptions determine our responses. if we want to respond to God by following His plan and His way, then we must perceive and believe what He says of us more than we believe what appears to be true in this fallen world.

taking a moment...

there are always tiny moments in life that are reminders to us...possibly a learning moment...the key is to be open to them...i think a lot of that is missed when we are in a hurry with our list of things to do...or on our way to somewhere...and miss all the in between time...

i had such a moment this weekend...it was just a moment...but it confirmed for me how i want to live my life...i have always loved meeting people...learning where they are from...backgrounds...culture...my friends often times laugh at me...because i talk to just about anyone...in elevators, stores...just about anywhere there are people...

while walking down rodeo drive in beverly hills on saturday...we were passing a store as a man was walking out...he stopped...grabbed my hand...and said "hello...where are you lovely ladies from?"

as we talked to him...we found out he was from italy...the owner of bellini's...he owned 42 stores...he continued talking to us...giving my nieces advice about staying in school... going to college...following passions...

we were deep in conversation...right there in front of his store...when one of his employees came out and said that he had a phone call...he politely told them to take a message...that he was in the middle of a conversation with four beautiful women...

the employee than informed him that it was italy on the phone...and the owner again said...just take a message...i will call them back...

what i took away from this...as this was obviously a very busy man...a very wealthy man...was he realized balance...it wasn't all about working...running back in to answer a call from italy...but that people were important...and while talking to someone...which was us at the moment...what he was doing at that moment was what required his complete attention...

we were complete strangers to him...but he showed that he lived in the moment...and that everything had its time and place...

our weekend was full of living in the moment...and i came back home very relaxed...having a weekend full of all the simple pleasures...some of which i hadn't done in so long...watching the sunset...squishing my toes in the sand...

the reminder for me...was to take moments...and lavish in them...while in the moment...take it all in...don't be thinking about the next thing on the list...that time will come...

in a world of cell phones, email, texting...it is so easy to be distracted...but for me...i want to live in the moment...when i am spending time with someone...to turn off the phone...and really concentrate on my time with who i am with...whether it be family or friend...

after all...isn't that what voicemail is for anyway?

fun in the sun...

my day today consisted of driving along the beautiful malibu shores along pacific coast highway...seriously...what could be better? well probably the fact that i'm spending the weekend with my two beautiful nieces and their mom...

our road trip began at 2:30 am (ok...not so fun)...but now that we are here...we all seem to have caught our second wind...

we have managed to check out two college campuses...which was the point of the trip...now with that behind us...it is fun fun fun going forward...

so much on the agenda...what will come first? we are definately hitting the santa monica piers...beverly hills (rodeo drive!)...hollywood blvd...we will definately dip our toes in the beautiful ocean...hot tubbing at nite...

the weather is absolutely gorgeous...honestly...we could not have asked for a more picture perfect day...and weekend...

now it is time for a dip in the pool...before nite-time activities...

seasons come and seasons go...

one of my favorite seasons is fall...i love the changing of the leaves...all the spectacular colors...red, yellow and orange...bursting forth...of course...here in the bay area...it may be one out of every three trees...but none the less...i look for those trees...

traveling to the east coast...the differences in the fall trees were vast in the fall...every tree was full of color...bursting with amazing colors...

the thing about seasons...is that although there is a beginning and an end...some seasons i always wish lasted longer...but i have reassurance that in the coming year...i will be able to enjoy my favorite season...again...

but what about seasons in friendships?

i have always believed that there are seasons in our life...and people enter them...sometimes for just a season...sometimes for a lifetime...

i have had to end some friendships where the season was dwindling out...the decision was hard...but i knew that these were people that were toxic in my life...and the cost of keeping them around was doing more harm than good...this decision also came after many many failed attempts to try and work out our differences...but...in the end...they knew the reasons for the decision...

but what about when a friendship ends...and you have no idea why? the questions can overwhelm you if you let them...

i guess the best way to describe the feeling - well it is sort of like being discarded...like a piece of trash...so what do you do with these feelings?

i choose to focus on the person i am...because once again...i am the only one whose actions i can control...i have always been one who treasures my friendships... friendship is something that takes work...it takes time...and it takes commitment...

for those who really know me...you know my friendships mean everything to me...and when given the chance...i give whole-heartedly to them...do i risk the chance of being hurt? probably...but i believe it is a risk worth taking...

because of it i have incredible friends in my life...but recently i have focused on the recent friend who decided to walk away...the funny thing is that there is really nothing i could have done differently...this person knew that there was nothing i wouldn't do for them...and for many many years...i believe that i gave my all...even when they had nothing to give back...and was told on many occasions of how i was appreciated...how i was "always there for them"

and then we went from talking every day to silence...

so if i wanted to...i'm sure that i could think of the "maybe" as to why my good was not good enough...but i need to go back to seasons...just as they come and go...so do friendships...sometimes by our decisions...sometimes not...

to build a friendship and to keep one from dying - well it requires work...and it requires intimacy...intimacy in sharing each others fears, loves and dreams...there are ways to provide opportunities for intimacy, but true intimacy involves communication. sooner or later you have to share with a friend if you want the friendship to be meaningful.

we all crave deep friendships. we were born with a need for them...for connection...but they don't come just by wanting them, they come as we give the time, share the dreams of our hearts, and are willing to be intimate. i like this saying: "a friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." but they can only sing it back if you have shown your heart...

so in this season...i will continue to be the best friend that i can be to my friends...and i will keep my heart open for friends...

friends, who all start out just as people you meet, are truly one of heaven's greatest gifts to you...
and who knows...you could meet one of the best friends you will ever have next week! and so...another season begins...